Hi, I'd like to ask a question of your lovely mums (anon please)
I have a 2yr old daughter, and an 8month old son. My daughter has special
Needs. She needs feeding, has very few words and is generally developmentally delayed. It's a rare condition so there's not a lot of support. My son is typical. My question is, I feel like every day I'm drowning. My husband is working 12-15 hrs a day, 6 days to get by. My parents can't help a lot because they also work. I love my babies but it seems like they just whinge all the time. All day. My entertainment doesn't seem to help, my daughter cries and my son gets hysterical every time I leave the room. I can't get much done, or have a second of peace. I feel like I'm running in circles all day and by the end I feel like I'm going to breakdown. I'm under treatment for pnd, but I just don't know how to cope with this stress, I don't know how much longer I can do it!
Coping with two babies and not much help!
Coping with two babies and not much help!
Posted in:
Baby & Toddler
4 Replies
Im the mum of a child with multiple disabilities who is almost an adult, yep I made it :). One of those disabilities only 1000 people in the world have so I know how lonely it can be. Firstly make sure you are accessing ALL services available to you. There is free respite out there. This number 1800 052 222 is great for 'I need a few hours to myself' breaks. Also see if you can get some day care for your son. He is old enough and will probably love the extra entertainment, kids to play with etc. Also make sure you have applied for a regular respite package. In south australia thats through DisabilitySA. It can take ages for regular respite to come through. Also ring your local churches (even if your not a member) some do charitable works that could include light cleaning etc. EVERY LITTLE BIT LIGHTENS THE LOAD. If you live near a university with a disability course you can also advertise for volunteers on their job boards for disability students to do work experience with your daughter. You would need to supervise but again it would lighten your load. Let friends and family know what you need. Something like meals cooked so you just have to reheat etc make a huge difference. My mum did my washing for awhile (it was just one less thing that I had to do). Make sure you have applied for all the financial assistance possible too. If you haven't applied for the Carers Adjustment Payment do so. Its quite a lot of money and most people don't know it exists. Make sure you have searched for facebook groups of your daughters condition. Even if its rare there is usually a group of people out there from all over the world networking and offering support. I currently receive support from families in the US, UK and NZ :) its nice to be able to talk to someone who knows what its like. Hang in there I promise it gets easier, you do need to reach out and keep reaching out.
also don't rule out daycare for your daughter for a few days a week. The daycare centre can apply for extra funding so she gets all the support she needs while she is there
I really feel for you. I'm in a similar situation although I don't have to deal with any disabilities. The only things I can suggest for you is to accept that things aren't going to be clean or tidy, that things around the house will be neglected. Find some way - whether it's your husband on his day off, a friend, family member, babysitter, whoever - to take a break. Get them to look after the kids for a couple of hours or even the whole day, grab a friend and go have a coffee, or go have a relaxing bubble bath and take a nap.
One great tip I got from my counsellor was to get cheap plastic tubs and give each person two, a dirty one and a clean one. When the washing is done sort it into everyone's clean tubs and forget about the sorting and folding. My house had been piled full of clean and dirty clothes and I was so incredibly stressed about it, and after implementing that it was done and dusted within 5 minutes (literally). It's also okay to sit them in front of the tv for a few hours to give you a break, or to leave them somewhere safe while they're screaming so you can go into another room to take a breath and calm down.
Remember you are doing an absolutely fantastic job and you are a great mum. But you need to look after yourself. Find a way to take a break, regularly. Take care xx
I have been there. No time to explain - busy here, but here are some things helped me-
Anglicare has a volunteer group for people with newborn babies, or extra needs (like twins). You might fit the requirements. I got two hours help every week for 10months. We're still friends 3 years on.
My other advice is to be super organised (plan fortnightly meals, shop once a fortnight), make double and freeze half.
Get your local grocery store to shop and deliver your groceries, you'll save time.
Keep a rough household duties list - daily, weekly, monthly. Google for examples.
I do- vacuum every 2nd Wednesday before the kids get up, clean the shower wen i wash, clean the sink or toilet when kids bathe. Do a 10min sprint clean before i leave the house.
Are you in the suburbs? - once a week send a load of laundry to a local laundromat. Pick it up clean and folded at the end of the day. Approx. $10.
Get out- for your own sanity. Have an easy snack ready for the moment you walk back in- they're always hungry at the busiest times. Outings on alternative days, when you have energy (first half of the day).
Lete know if you want to talk,
I'll send you my details.