I am terrible in bed. I don't know how to initiate sex. I feel awkward, and have no idea what even turns my partner on, and I don't even have the confidence to do it if I did. I am so nervous about sex and when ever we do have it, I just go with what he instigates.
I will go to bed naked hoping my partner will touch me... And hoping it leads to sex.
I don't ask for it. I don't even know how. Girls like me... I push a 5 out of 10 because I think I have a nice personality, but without it I'm maybe a 3-4. I'm so embarrassed about my bits that wobble and if I am pulling a weird face.
I have been trying the fake it till you make it for the last 2 years with him and I am just so out of my depth. He is very good in bed, but now I am at the point that I feel guilty that I can't make him feel the way that he makes me feel and I just avoid being intimate with him.
Seriously if he never touched me again, we would never have sex again.
I am at the point that I'm ready to tell him to find a hooker to get some decent sex, even though it would break my heart.
What is wrong with me... How do I fix this?
Nervous and crap in bed
Nervous and crap in bed
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
6 Replies
Your problem is your overall confidence I think, fix that and the rest will fix itself.
You're in your head too much, and not in the moment.
If you want to touch him, just do it. If you wanna go lower, just do it. He won't mind! Don't overthink it.
Trust me there isn't much you could do that he wouldn't like. And if it makes you feel good chances are it feels good for him too.
The more you do it, the easier it will be.
More importantly, tell him you're nervous and self conscious to do things he likes and ask him to guide you through it.
Is your partner someone you can tell this to? Is he someone you really, really trust? I think if he is, he could help you.
Lay it all out there for him. Tell him you're nervous, you don't know how to initiate it and how to turn him on. I reckon he'll love showing and helping you.
And if all else fails, start with snuggling up to him. Stroke his chest. Kiss him. See what happens. There's lots of ways to tell when they like what you're doing. Changes in breathing, noises like sighs and moans, moving toward you, touching you back... etc.
You have a very specific anxiety. Oh so much of what you read is just a very mean voice making judgements. Its not facts, but none of us will make you believe it. You need professional help.
I knew someone who also suffered from this and it was debilitating. He put himself into the friendzone his whole life by being so anxious he would not make the move when it was the perfect time, and he would even turn down advances from anxiety about himself. And he also did have quite low self esteem about his looks (although he was very well liked and a very likeable, normal, human, which Im sure you know makes someone very attractive) I know hes told me a few different times he didnt like this or that about himself, but he must have had terrible self- talk about his sexual ability. What Im trying to say is, it didnt match up with reality at all, but his anxiety robbed him. And what I know about anxiety, is that it can be overcome with the right professional help.
2 years you say. Trust me, he's not sticking around for no reason. He sees a lot more in you than you do. So there's nothing wrong with you, you're just unsure and that's ok.
Find ways to ask without asking. Wiggle your ass at him, wear sexy undies - or no undies! A playful poking my tongue out during a kiss is guaranteed to have my man dragging me to the bedroom. I don't have to be as forward as grabbing him by his bits but he's not doing ALL the initiating. Just find what you're comfortable with. You will grow from there.
Instead of sending him to a hooker, read some books, watch some gentle porn. Just to get some ideas. Baby steps, try one thing. Afterwards, ask if he liked it. Don't be disheartened if he says no. Everyone is different, just cross it of your list and try something else.
You're his goddess. Believe it.
Also, youve probably built it up in your head so much that now you think the standard is to be perfect and mindblowing, looking like a supermodel and having nothing go wrong, but thats not reality for any of us, so far from it.