Hi IMs,
I am recently single after six years and enjoying myself more now after dealing with the break up (break up occurred last year).
I have a fairly new close male friend who I knew was developing feelings for me. I had feelings for him too. He is recently out of a break up as of a month or so ago.
We got together on the weekend and he expressed a lot of feelings for me. Asked me to wait for him to sort some things out in his life so he can take me out. I told him no pressure and that it’s okay to just take things as they go. I’m also not going to wait for anyone right now. He seemed okay.
Afterwards, I could tell he wasn’t right. I assumed he was freaking out about what was said. He sent me a message last night citing bad mental health and that he’s taking a few days off work to sort it out.
I’m glad he communicated but I can’t help but feel bad, as if being with me is what broke the camel’s back for other stuff he is dealing with.
I’m going to leave him be until he reaches out again (I’m sure he will). I’m just wondering if anyone has any advise or has been through similar things? I’m at a loss as to what to do. He made me happy and I hate that he’s struggling. I also don’t understand the all or nothing attitude some men seem to have sometimes?
Thank you so much.
5 Replies
This is noooooot what you need!
You’re still only been single a short time why not enjoy it drama free.
You don’t need this kind of games and worry at the start of a possible relationship?!
I’d go back to being friends only and enjoy being your own person until a healthy and ready man comes along
Focus on yourself , and thats why you take time to be single
This is your run moment.
This is a giant red flag of what is to come.
This guy isn’t in a position to be asking you to wait, or even expressing feelings to you.
Honestly I don’t think what happened had much to do with you, and I don’t think he will necessarily feel the same about you when he gets his head straight. It sounds more like he was looking for someone to cling to and pin hope of a future with versus him genuinely knowing that he wants to be with you specifically.
From personal experience I’ve had a few guys do this to me, they really were just looking to know they could have a future with someone, anyone.
Healthy men are consistent, stable, committed to pursuing you if they have feelings.
This guy is not at this point.
If you stay invested, not intentionally, but he’s going to bring you into his highs and lows, not good for anyone.
He already has.
Stay friends, reassess in 6 months to a year, it’s the kind thing to do for him and you.
If you commit now, it won’t work, your friendship will also end.