I feel like I am at the end of my tether as a mum and I literally don’t feel like I have the tools or strength to parent my son the way that he is going to need.
He literally non stop verbalises from the time he gets up until the time he goes to bed. The constant talking, the constant noises, the constant fidgeting and just the “constant” being on is exhausting emotionally and mentally. He can’t remember any of his stuff, he can’t organise himself and he is Very sensitive and emotional. I feel like I am constantly angry and frustrated with him...and shouting all the time :(
Since seeing a new paediatrician it seems that the thorough testing in order to arrive at a proper diagnosis hasn’t been done so now we have to start again...he starts high school next year and I am concerned about him coping as well. We are trying to work out exactly what’s going on so we can formulate a plan of action but the process is slow and frustrating (I knew it would be!)
Has anyone been through this? Can anyone offer some insights or suggestions as to ways I can help him? Does anyone have any suggestions about how I can help myself be less angry and frustrated???
4 Replies
Im glad you have a paed and aregoing through that. His behaviour coudl definitely be a response to yours, kids get anxious and this kind of constant noise and lack of focus kicks in. Im not trying to diagnose, just saying to be aware that you set the tone. Instead of demanding he change, put that expectation on yourself. When he is at his worst is when he most needs you to be calm. Take breaks, breathers, set up relaxing things for you to do to unwind at the end of the day, go easy on yourself, and go easy on him as well, try your best to change the negative vibe to a peaceful one. Remember he needs you to be the calm one. Nothing is a huge problem, everything is ok, we can do this.
As for help - visual timetable, and checklist. Keep it very simple. And have a routine.
Clearly marked boxes or systems.
Get rid of clutter.
Resilience and Growth Mindset work, you can google that.
Firm massage or a tight wrap in a blanket can help some to relax and settle down. Forcing them to meditate when being still and unbusy is uncomfortable is hard on someone, but finding things that help them be calm and comfortable is good. You may need to do a calm down routine first where you check off that everything is done, everyone is here and everything is fine, or hes done well today and you love him and youre proud of him.
Or find his thing. Is it lego, construction, reading, drawing, swinging, music, movies, I bet there's something he really enjoys doing and gets stuck into.
Clenching and unclenching muscle groups can help relax.
Positive affirmations can help. Find ones relevant to him. I am organised. I can ask for help when i need it. I am loved.
Oh this sounds like my now Mr 18. Drove us all up the wall with constant tapping, knocking, noises etc. losing things every day busy busy all the time - year 6-8. Good news is he’s now vice captain at his highschool, works 15-20 hours per week, volunteers, and is about to embark on a military career. It’s not easy, he’s one of 6 but I ensured he had/has my time and attention, I engaged mental health professionals, I encouraged the beneficial friendships and discouraged the damaging, I spoke to the school often, I was there at drop off and pick ups and I don’t stand for disrespect. I’m a single parent so it wasn’t easy.
I'm so sorry I can't give you any advice but just know you are not alone! This sounds exactly like my son and I honestly feel like I'm failing at being his mum :'(
My Hubby is very similar, he plays every instrument imaginable.
Sounds lovely, but somedays I do not want to hear a saxophone, drum kit.....he makes so much noise.
I got myself hypnotised...it works, I dont get agitated at the constant noise.
I took myself to an Adult ADHD specialist for coping solutions for myself.