Hi all I am struggling with something at the moment and need some outside opinions.
My son who is almost 12 has never met his. Minimal Child support is paid and i never heard from him until 4 years ago for financial based reasons to do with CSA. Anyway in the last few years we spoke a little then he would disappear for months to a year or 2 with no contact.
I have always been open with son, About everything while not bad mouthing . he has a Dad who has raised him. I knew one day he will be curious about him.
Fast forward over 2 years since last contact and I have been contacted for financial/CSA driven motives again.
Him claiming I’m withholding son and he wants to meet him now, I have always been open to the possibility of a relationship but not like this with no relationship at all not even a phone call . Son has refused it. I am willing to start small but he wants everything to happen now.
I don’t know if anyone has been through something similar but I do not want to go through court but I also do not want to force my son for a meeting with him.
If we go through court/mediation what was your outcome. Please also note he doesn’t live locally to us.
4 Replies
Offer mediation. It’s the only way to stop this ‘she’s withholding’ nonsense. The chances of him actually engaging in the mediation is slim to none and the mediator won’t force your son to do anything. They will see through this nonsense very quickly.
If CS does ring, say you’ve never withheld your son, he has never shown an interest and if he wants a relationship that’s news to me, he is welcome to discuss the possibility in mediation of course.
He will never organise it.
He could be initiating contact now so that he gets time with the child, so the more time he spends with child, the less suppprt he needs to pay you.
It could be purely selfish and not about your sons best interests at all
Update from poster- all hell has broken loose after being abused over the phone I’m weekend for stealing amongst other threats (police were called, not enough for DVO) I said we need to talk through mediation only. He has engaged some Mediators. I’m sure someone has been through this. Starting contact and visitation when there has been zero contact before how did it work out for you? Obviously my concerns are moving too fast too quick like not having unsupervised visits or sleep over for a decent amount of time especially considering he only ever contacts me when it’s about money and so we can know he will stick around. Don’t need any more disappointment in sons life as he knows he has been and gone a couple times now.
A friend has been through this, they start with small supervised visits in a neutral location like Maccas and work slowly from there.
Be firm. ‘I want them to have a relationship but my son needs time to adjust and get to know his dad’.
Mediators generally want to negotiate and work with you and the child versus forcing something that won’t work for the child.