Social media.
Ok so I have an account on a social media platform .
I used to be an actor and I have found my passion again.
My partner is mental over it. Last night he went off at me. A male had called me beautiful on the app. I said... thanks.
My partner screamed at me. No one calls you beautiful but me. And you thanked him. You don't get looked at by other men and of theu comment on your looks you cannot respond. You are mine. You are seeking validation and I am the only one who should give you that.
Red flags.. he goes to counselling and told me the counsellor told him that I am the one being unreasonable as i am not respecting how it makes him feel. I have told him I will never message someone privately all my correspondence is public. And he said he will need to check my messages
I feel he is insecure and jealous. I am not a possession. I didn't engage in conversation with this person just said thanks.
If a woman was to call him gorgeous i would be like yes he is ,aren't I lucky.
But maybe I am wrong. He has given me an ultimatum.. delete it or we are over.
Advice?
20 Replies
Time to end it right NOW. No ifs or buts.
Op here. The relationship or the social media? Lol.
The relationship. What you do on your social media is no one else’s business including your drop kick partner. Get yourself together and dump his arse.
You are over relationship wise!
His reaction is way over the top even if it makes him uncomfortable.
You don’t need validation from anyone but your damn self! Especially not a man. Dump him sis, you don’t need this level of insecurity and immaturity in your life!
I mean, this relationship sounds like it's doomed. I'd be done with it.
In saying that, for the sake of future relationships and more importantly your safety going forward I'd consider how much interaction you have with your followers and what you respond to, especially if your account is set to public and especially if your acting has or is likely to place you in the public eye.
Op this is where I am so confused. I was raised in hippy communes so my world view is so different
I set the boundaries at no contact unless it's on my public wall. So I am so confused.. I feel like I have to choose between a partner and my passion.
Is that reasonable? Limited to public only. My gran is very famous and that's her rule but then she has been single for 40 years.. sigh
No sigh about it. Look to your beautiful trusted family for guidance. Dont doubt yourself, it is him being completely wrong. Im sad you cant see it clearly. You can see it though, stop talking yourself around though.
Your Gran sounds like she's sussed the managing 'famousity'. Bit like other advice I've heard "don't write anything on a post (or email for that matter) that you wouldn't say to their face &/or wouldn't want repeated by others". If you and Gran have a good relationship I'd be having more conversations with her in this space as you develop your profile and career. She sounds like someone I'd want in my corner :)
Time to exit this relationship! He is gaslighting you! I promise his counsellor said nothing of the sought.
He is possessive and jealous and needs to be left on the shelf.
Yep agree. Hes an ass and hes assholey in even saying a psych would agree with him that what hes doing is ok and ever say that. No no no.
Yeah fuck him off.
What a jerkosaurus!
You can get validation from ANYONE as long as you're comfortable with that.
A lot of the wording here is alarming.
How is the rest of your relationship going?
It's rather new as in mot marraige or kids. . Hence why I am like.. red flags walk away its almost 12 months .
I think i know my answer now. You ladies are awesome. Back to my cats..
I left dv with my children's dad so even thought I should be hyper aware, I am one of those people who tends to push the bad to the back.
I am also strong though.
So thanks beautiful people.
Time to pack my banjo and mosey on down the road. Lol ❤❤❤❤
Be strong lady!
The right guy will celebrate your successes!
Good luck - love and light xx
Yes do it.. he shouldn’t give you the ultimatum. Go follow your dreams and return to acting &’enjoy the single life with your kids.!
He’s a jealous insure pig.!! Leave him. You get one life and if you can’t live it happy and free when you aren’t doing anything wrong then get out. I won’t and have never let anyone doctate to me. So much more out there and you should be free to be yourself. As you know being an actor, you will get attention from anywhere. He will destroy your career and your self esteem because his is low. Also a councillor wouldn’t tell him that. He obviously doesn’t tell them the truth either. Get rid of him, life is too short do not let anyone control you. If you are doing nothing wrong then stand up for yourself and don’t let anyone change you and what you do.
So because a man feels insecure and expresses his feelings he is "red flag harry"??? Lol maybe reverse the situation and think how you would feel if he was commenting on models pictures and they were replying??? Yes you reckon you'd think you was lucky...but if it happens more than one time...everyday....??? (Playing devils advocate...so don't jump on me...)
Ok he is over the top with his language but if my partner says your action is causing me pain and hurt I'd stop and look at the whole situation not just his language...especially if he says he doesn't feel respected...in his mind if you ignore what he says and feels he will feel insecure as he feels you have ignored him
Honestly if as a couple you discuss what your expectations are on social media and they are not being met its ok to speak about it
So talk about it... be clear with each other and if that means going to the counsellor together ...do it! He is obviously already upset so his rationale may be off...
Oh hell no... this is not insecurity, this is abuse. No ifs, no buts, no coconuts.
And if he is insecure? Well that’s a him problem, not a her problem.
The yelling, the screaming, the actual words that were said - all abuse. The lying about what his counsellor said - because it is a lie, no real counsellor would say any such thing - is trying to gaslight her, and is abuse.
He has so many red flags he could open a red flag store!
I agree with this comment. The reaction was out of line and red flags but the feelings behind it not. I have been in his shoes and reacted the same way. Not proud and didn’t do anything to help an otherwise good relationship. I have anxiety and CPTSD and my ex had many female friends no issue with that- but one- she was everything I find “attractive” in a girl and what I wish to look like and there comments were always similar either would upload a photo on social media and it was always looking good etc and I took it personally and reacted with an ultimatum of her friendship or our relationship (obviously ended and I don’t blame him). They were huge issues I didn’t even know I had until that relationship and I am working on it and took some time before I realised it was my reaction and not his behaviour. The red flags for me are the you’re mine and no one else can call you beautiful etc- however it could be a poorly handled response of hurt and insecurity on his part- and if it’s someone you love it does become your issue too- but only if they’re open to working on it properly!