Help MIL is driving me mad. She comes down and stays with us for a week plus and completely takes over my house and kids. To the point were she dictates our meals, plans, putting the kids to bed etc.
She makes comments about how my husband and I raise our kids and constantly compares me to my sister in law (her daughter).
When they are here my anxiety goes through the roof and I feel like the black sheep of the family (in my own house).
To give you some feedback I was called fat and fatty multiple times during my pregnancy by my in laws and made to feel bad because I’m a working mum (sister in law is not)... help
MIL ... help
MIL ... help
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
11 Replies
Mil stays in a hotel next time or you and hubby take advantage of the situation and go away for a week while she's there and leave her with the kids since she's so perfect at it all. Your husband also needs to put her in her place and so do you, stick up for yourself and let your kids see you do it. Don't be a doormat in your own home.
First talk to your husband about the situation. You both need to discuss some compromises and then he needs to set the boundaries with his mother.
If he won’t you have a bigger problem than your MIL.
Boundaries would include, shorter visits, more spread apart and him putting his foot down over the running of the house etc.
Again, if he won’t do that, you have a right to do it yourself.
Put her in her place ASAP!! No need for that. Respect you and your parenting or don’t visit.
I’d sit back and let her do all the housework and cooking and when she’s nasty to you, say “That’s nice dear”
I'd be telling her she has overstayed her welcome and she is. To leave the next day. When she Questions why you need to point out she is in your house your rules she either obides or leaves. Also tell her in future she will only be able to stay for so many nights. As for the name calling pull her up on it, name calling and bullying is not ok by anyone. Sorry this is your house and kids too, don't wait for your husband to address it.
Omg I could have written this. We live 8 hours from the in-laws so when they come visit they stay with us, it's not just mil though it's fil too. I have anxiety too so when they come it goes through the roof... Last time I ended up crying in my room, I just wanted to feel comfortable in my own home. I struggle with how much control over us they want while they are here and the sky comments, I don't have a family outside my husband's and kids so Im not used to any of it (my in laws behaviour) and have no idea if it's normal or crosses a line they shouldn't
Maybe it's me just used to not having that around 🤷
I feel bad about it though cos they are my husband's parents and they do love him so much and him them, they are close knit, it's easy to see and this is hubby's home too, its not fair on him for me to not allow them to stay when they come, he doesn't see them often.
I decided it would be best if I was to stay in a motel while they are here, some may look at it as being chased out of my own home but I am choosing to look at it as a holiday... Kids will stay home with hubby so they can spend time with grandma and granddad so I get a motel room to myself!
Start small with changes little by little and use positivity to get the desired outcome plus prepare her / worn her of them before she arrives eg .... I know you’re trying to help but I love putting the kids to bed and we have already decided on times , in our house we have worked out a menu so when u come to stay we have already worked out what we will be eating each day, . While she’s there and raving about her own daughter why don’t you politely share how it makes you feel.... remind her how much u love your family, how hard to work ‘ oh when u say that it makes me feel upset , cause I work hard and love
My kids and your son so much I do
My best etc ‘ if u are angry and aggressive it won’t help. Believe me I’m talking from experience! It’s taken years and years ... but I’ve got there with being assertive little by little. Do talk to your husband, do get him to back u up. Also from her perspective doing the plans and meals etc she probably thinks she’s helping . I always felt it was my mil way of saying I wasn’t competent but it actually was her way of trying to help someone she felt was so capable and busy . Why not embrace it a little and take advantage of her trying to help . Once I got my mil to clean the linen cupboard she was rapt to be able to help . Now as I’m older , we’ve been married 21 yrs I don’t feel the anger . Plus I always have a couple of jobs ready for her and before she gets there I say ‘ oh when u come would u be able to help one of the kids tidy their drawers , they shove their clothes in etc ‘ that way you’re giving her something specific to do and it will actually help her. If she says ‘ my daughter wouldn’t have kids drawers so messy ‘ just laugh and say ‘ oh well, I encourage the kids to help’ or
Something ... try try not to take it to heart even though it’s hard .
I've had this issue for a few years and I finally had enough and said something. Your partner needs to stick up for you. After our initial confrontation I got my partner to help me right a message to them outlining everything that had happened and things that I was upset about, I would have preferred to talk to them in person but I feel it never gets anywhere so I liked being able to write it out, and when they did something again a few weeks later I was able to refer to the message. Its just not on. They need to back off and let you parent.
How rude I wouldn’t allow them to stay. What is wrong with your husband? Does he not stand up for you and say something. You need to tell them striaght they aren’t welcome to stay anymore and you will not allow them to dictate to you. This is partly your fault, because they only treat you what you allow. Stand up for yourself and to them. Set them straight . They are rude and disrespectful. Your husband needs to step up and stand up to them also. I’m not sure why you both allow it. Yes I get it some people you can’t help it and it feels awkward but this is your home.
Wow. I won't tolerate BS. Im happy to not have contact with toxic people
I can relate to this, i'm blown away by the similarities actually.
My MIL does the same.
If i speak, i never know if there's a laugh or eye roll coming. She stayed 6 weeks once, it took about a year to get over it, mentally and physically. I can't even raise a concern for my children's well-being without being shamed. Husband often joins in as well. He and his mother tried to plan a holiday without even mentioning it to me. I had enough. I told him exactly how i felt and he finally defended me. FIL blocked me on FB!
Not staying at the house any time soon, i will not put myself through that again! Stand up for yourself now, your husband needs to back you or go stay at a motel with her next visit!
Best of luck 🍀