Hello mum's! I've been seeing someone for nearly 2 years. I have 3 children 12, 10 & 7 and my partner has none.
My partner has no paternal instincts at all and we are constantly arguing over the way he speaks to my children.
He genuinely enjoys playing with them. But is constantly asking them to do chores, and when they don't do it to his standard, he is condescending.
He works full time, I work part time. I run the house, pay the bills etc. He hardly does anything unless it is for his benefit. My boys clean their rooms, mow the yard, put dishes away, take the rubbish out etc. I've always been grateful for my kids and appreciate everything they do so they don't ever complain when I ask them to do things.
But they never want to do anything he asks because it's never good enough. Or they haven't done it fast enough. He has such little patience.
We have discussed his approach and he just gets mad saying they should know how to do this and why am I the bad guy for asking them to do it properly? And expects them to do new things properly when theyve never even done it before.
My question is how can I make him understand that it's not what he's asking them to do that is a problem but how he asking it.
Help!
Help!
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
11 Replies
I'd sit down with him and work out what you guys expect of the kids, and their particular chores assigned for their age ect. And then I would ask him to to expect anymore of them. Try and find a happy medium with their chores... maybe he thinks they need to do a little more, so add some more if its appropriate.
If he can't get passed it after this, idk if I'd let my kids put up with that.. can you guys have a relationship without living together?
Oh no. I’m sorry but in my opinion your boyfriends behaviour is totally unacceptable. Your poor kids having to deal with a lazy a’hole barking orders while he does nothing. That sounds horrible and I would would not be tolerating that from a grown ass man. Be careful as your kids might wake up one day and wonder why their mum continues to let some random guy treat them badly. Kick him out.
Unacceptable - be careful your children may start to feel like Cinderella. A grown man who doesn’t pull his weight has entered there lives. Is that the example you want them to have. Do you want them to treat there partners and or children the same.
Looks like your finding out why he was left on the shelf.. and no one bred with him.
The second someone speaks badly to my kids I’m out.
I’m surprised you’ve let him speak condescendingly to them for two years
Its still not too late. 2 twars is long enough to give chances and hope he'll learn and change, and to see hes not and wont. Leaving at 2 years is better than letting it go on for more than 2...
Your kids do everything, whilst he does bugger all and he orders them around and criticises them. They’re just kids.
Wow, they’re going to wake up one day and see things clearly and the resentment is going to build and they will look at you and wonder why you are allowing it.
Please put your kids first, not the man child brat who you should have released a long time ago.
If he hasn’t gotten it after 2 years he isn’t going to get it, because he truly believes you are wrong.
Your priority should be your children’s welfare.
What an arse! It’s time you woke up and stopped letting him treat your kids that way. He must be good in the sack because he can’t do anything else. Women who put men before their kids best interest piss me off 😡
My hubby can be a bit like this, but the difference is, he is 100% aware of it, and understands the repercussions of being this way with children. I have sent him to a couple of talks by this guy who is an expert in development and it did wonders for my husband, because it was factual information coming from an expert.
I think the main point this guy had, was that children do not learn by being barked at, just like we don't, when someone tells us we are doing something wrong, if it's in an aggressive manner, often the message gets lost, because we are more focused on how the aggressive manner made us feel, rather then what was being said. Children learn from example, if they see someone doing something in a particular way, often that habit will be naturally passed onto the child.
If your partner is not open to being informed on effective parenting practices, well to put it bluntly, he is a hypocrite and needs to be kicked to the curb, before he does permanent damage. If hes open to learning and growing as a parent, then my expectation would be that he does that quick smart.
Simple solution, get rid of the problem - your boyfriend! I was treated badly by a stepfather and it was very damaging. Your kids come first and if he cant speak to them with respect then He’s out. YOU are your kids voice. Don’t make them resent you for not sticking up for them
Some food for thought......at only 2 years in he is still on his best behaviour. This will get worse, not better.