Is it normal for husband's to yell so much, No matter what I do my husband seems to find a reason to yell at me about something just about every day. I feel like nothing I ever say is right at this point and I'm getting to the point of leaving. We have been together for 5 years , married for 3 and the first 2 years he was not like this at all then as soon as we were married things started going downhill. The last 12 months it has become unbearable. I have anxiety and he makes absolutely no allowances for this whatsoever tells me it's all in my head etc. For example the past few nights I have been looking for holiday accommodation and tonight he asked me to do something and I said yep I just need to send this enquiry through and he just lost it at me saying why the F haven't you booked something yet you've been looking for days. Then when I tried to explain I'm trying to find the best deal he wouldn't even let me get a word in ( which is usual ) he just screams over me leading me to head to the bedroom in tears. I have a 10 year old daughter and I feel like I am setting a terrible example for her by letting him speak to me this way. I've tried in the past to explain to him that this abuse but he always turns it back around on me saying I set him off. We tried marriage counselling about a year and a half ago and things for better for a while but as soon as we stopped going things started escalating again. I have tried asking for him to go stay at his dad's for a week or so to have a break from each other to which he flat out refuses. I can't be the one to leave as I have nowhere to stay and don't want to put my daughter through the trauma of having to leave her home when he has a perfectly good place to go which is in the same suburb we live in . We also own our house together so that is another thing putting me off splitting up as he says there is no way he will move out and I can't afford to keep paying half the mortgage and pay to rent a house for myself and my daughter. I also feel like a huge failure if I give up on my marriage as both sets of my grandparents have been together almost 60 years and I really believe in working on a marriage instead of giving up. Do you think my marriage is salvageable at this point ?
7 Replies
He shouldn't yell at you. There's no excuse. No allowances needed. You have anxiety because of him. You're being yelled at. That's not normal life. Just go zero tolerance. Tell him right now, that you won't be yelled at again. And follow through.
No it’s not normal. That’s verbal and emotional abuse. My husband did that to me for 7 years and it was awful. He’d also twist what I said and make out I’m nuts. I’m not nuts, I have autism and he just didn’t get that.
I left him and it’s the best thing I ever did.
It’s abuse and it’s not your fault or ok at all.
I put up with being emotionally, financially and mentally abused for about 15 years until I decided that he wasn’t the best I could do for my children and myself. I also had no one to stay with but left anyway. It was hard but the best thing for the children and myself.
Don’t worry about the financial aspect of it because there’s help out there.
There is a new add on TV at the moment that is this very situation... its my life too. I asked him to leave recently as I didn't want to uproot the kids. He has no one and I doo feel bad, but my priority now needs to be the kid. And yours, your daughter.
Ask him to leave and it he doesn't, next time he yells at you record it. Write it all in a diary and consider gettiny an intervention order.
This is abuse. You do not deserve to be treated like dirt and your daughter should not grow up thinking this is normal or OK.
If he won't leave go to the police and have an intervention order put on him. Take it to court. The courts can make judgement on him yelling at you. It maybe a harsh thought but sometimes this needs to be done. Noone deserves this
No, this isn't OK. Yelling from either party in a marriage is not OK. It's sounds as though he isn't happy. Happy people do not yell. Break up, or take a break but he needs a serious wakeup call and you need to set a good example for your daughter and know your worth sister. Don't stay in an unhappy marriage because you think it's the right thing to do.
This is definitely not okay. And also if he wants to keep the house let him. He can't make you pay half if you are not together anymore. And not living there. Go see a lawyer. Get out as soon as you can. Just go find a rental while he's at work and kids at school. You need to look after yourself. Your daughter will understand. Maybe not now but she will in a few years.