Good evening everyone.
My 16 year old daughter thinks that she has a big tummy (she’s a size 10).
Going shopping for clothes has become a nightmare as she doesn’t think she looks nice in anything and we end up with tension between the two of us instead of having a nice time.
I have tried talking to her about it, I have tried ignoring her comments and I have tried being strict but nothing works.
We have also been exercising as a family
I have never mentioned weight around her as when I was growing up my mum told me all the time I should loose a couple of kilos and I hated it.
Can anyone offer advice on how to deal with this as I don’t want it to develop into anything more serious.
I will be very very very grateful
Thank you
7 Replies
Explain that if you want a flat tummy you have got to work. Hard. Training or dieting. It takes work. And if you haven't done the work, don't whinge it's not an athletes tummy! But there's no good in hating it in dress shops. It is what it is, and it's totally normal and cute.
Also show her how every thing on line is photoshopped and angles and filters.
Who actually said she has a big tummy?! She thinks she does- doesn’t mean she does.
My daughter since age 11 has thought she has fat legs ... she doesn’t.
Are you going to say I should tell her she needs to diet and what else? To slim down her legs?
Seriously this mum is doing perfect by not discussing size or telling her she needs to work for something. You really need to read up on body image issues, body dismorphia etc and the damage you would do with such statements.
To the poster- you are doing perfect just hang in there, hopefully she will learn to love herself and see herself for how she really is.
Size 10 she isn’t big you are right and you exercise as a family which is so great xx
I didnt say she does? It's not as flat or toned as she wants, again, they are made from hard work. Youve read it through your own filter as I also didnt say to guide her into anything, but are you saying you would actively not tell a 16 year old that working out to get toned is a choice?
Yes I would actively not comment on her body! It’s her body, one small comment sticks with you at that age. As the poster even said themselves comments made, small comments stuck with her. I had them too and all it’s done is fuel self doubt.
At 16, a healthy girl, who exercises with her family and has a bad self image needs love and support not to be “actively told that working out to be tonned is a choice” she knows that! She is unhappy in her body so love her- don’t tell her the obvious. Far out you need to do some research into how severe body issues start
No you need to stop saying that and go and read for yourself as you're not an expert and not correct. You know they teach health in school right? Conversations are ok. Speaking about it is not always negative and harmful.
I work in a school so I’m aware what’s taught - and this isn’t about teaching it’s about a one on one relationship between a mother and daughter and how to support her struggling with her own self image not a health lesson
Does she have an aunt or family friend who could take her shopping with or instead of you? Someone who isn’t as close to the situation might be able to reinforce what you are saying, that she will actually listen to. I have two teenage boys. I can say something to them 50 times and get ignored. Someone from outside our family unit can walk in, say exactly the same thing and they’ll listen.