Dinner time melt down. I need any help/advice possible please!
Where to start? My son has always been a fussy eater from a baby. When little he had a really bad gag reflex and would choke or vomit quite easily on most foods. He had tonsils etc removed which helped, then a few yrs on had an expanded put in the roof of his mouth for braces.
But food has always been an issue, getting him to eat is a nightmare. He has a selection of foods he will eat, but when it comes trying something new it's horrible. He would rather not eat for the day than try something new. If you bring up the subject and make it a thing it gets even worse. It's like he starts having a full anxiety attack. His face gets all blotchy, you can see the panic on his face and eventually starts to sob. And sob for hours. It's horrible and I know he finds it horrible too. I have tears writing this.
It doesn't matter how you try to introduce a new food it just doesn't work. I've had friends try, once a friend tried for 2hrs to try and get him to taste half a grape. He can't even bare to put it in his mouth let alone lick it to get a taste.
It has effected past relationships, last night my boyfriend spat it because of this. (We have discussed it at length too). My mum when he was young forced him to eat something when he was only about 2 or 3. Holding his mouth shut till he gagged and vomited and was hysterical. I have never been so angry in my life, a massive argument followed. She has never done it again, rather let him go hungry.
He goes to a friend's house and they comment he doesn't/want eat or try anything.
It's beyond fussy, it's horrible to watch and I know he hates it too. He's not worried about weight or anything.
Last night sitting crying alone I came across a thing called "Avoidant Restrictive Food Intake Disorder" (ARFID) and it sounds like him to a tee!
Has anyone else's child been diagnosed with this?
I need to help him. Last night was horrible, it's made the whole family sad. I don't need judgement, I've tried I really have, but spose i have up and got used to cooking 2 meals, last night was the tipping point. I'll be getting a app with the GP and go from there.
No judgement needed but anyone who has dealt with this i would really appreciate your story or advice. I'm heartbroken. It's everyday!
How do I help my 11yr old? Possible eating disorder
How do I help my 11yr old? Possible eating disorder
Posted in:
Health & Wellbeing, Kids
10 Replies
I have an extremely picky eater, it’s not the condition your son has.
Stop trying to get him to taste new foods for now. You know it doesn’t work, so stop.
Get him go the doctors and don’t start trying new foods until your given advice by someone who knows about food disorders tells you to.
It’s been 11 years of no movement, so it’s time to stop the battle.
You need to get a mental health plan ASAP...
I would attend a ped psychologist and her ideas and strategies on how to approach this from your perspective and then get him in to sessions to help support his anxiety.
Also I would get your boyfriend to back off.. this is delicate territory you need to map it out carefully..
Good luck mumma
*get ideas not her ideas 🤦🏼♀️ Sorry
My daughter sounds just like your son. She has got what you googled ARFID. I’m posting with my name available for you to find me on Facebook (Mandie Moo - red long hair profile pic) if you’d like to talk more. She’s currently in Hospital (3 weeks now) i’d love to help you find the right support if you really believe your son has ARFID. It’s a tricky path to walk without the right support. Otherwise ask me more questions here and I’ll help the best I can.
Edited to add: my daughter is 14. We’ve had the ARFID diagnosis for 4 years. She’s had issues since birth. We’ve walked this path for 10 years when I first knew she had issues and fought for her trying to get the right support. We live in QLD.
Good on you for realising and accepting this is outside your capabilities.
I think you're dead on mumma bear and hopefully the way forward gets a lot easier once you have supports in place and some new skills too use.
I just want to mention now I have a chance to reply properly without a toddler screaming at me. ARFID is a relatively new diagnosis. It is in the new DSM-5 as an eating disorder. Sadly many medical practitioners are ill equipped to deal with or understand the implications for parents and their child. Generally looking at the parents as being to soft on the child and recommending dangerously forces eating and not giving in to the child. Please do not do this. The anxiety rules the child’s mind when it comes to food. I found explaining to people in terms they understand, say a spider phobia, is handy for them to understand better. You wouldn’t force a person with a spider phobia to be in a room filled with spiders. So why would you force a child to eat a food they are effectively scared of.
The best way to help your son is paediatric support, with psychology, dieticians and OTs. It’s a multidisciplinary effort requiring specialist care, support and understanding. It’s a hard road with lots of tears, crying and pain. But it is one that can be managed with the love of a parent and the heart of an angel.
My daughter ended up needing a feeding tube. Her quality of life was significantly affected and her oral intake (even in safe foods) largely was affected by ill effective advice. We force fed, we starved, we smacked, we screamed and we cried. None of this is advisable or effective. Please just allow your beautiful son to eat what you know he can eat, don’t tamper with his food by trying to add ‘good stuff into it’ he will know. You could lose this as a safe food for him. Support him, listen to him and understand he isn’t being a asshole, he genuinely is afraid to try new foods.
Please reach out to me I desperately want to help you navigate this.
Much love
Honestly I think I might actually have this and I’m 26.
I won’t try new foods and I have very basic eating habits. It does make it hard eating at other people’s houses or going out but you make do. I would love to be that person who eats everything but I’m not and I’m okay with that 🤷♀️
When a child is low in iron the body somehow tells the brain it can’t eat! I learnt this when my daughter was younger, 3 doctors later and I finally found a doctor who knew about this. Get him some multivitamin syrup, coz I’m guessing he won’t take a tablet, that’s high in iron or is a multi plus iron like pentavite or incremin. Good luck.
Oh how distressing for all involved but most of all your son. It’s so important for you to know that you didn’t create his eating difficulties. Often (but not always) babies that have reflux/tongue ties/allergies etc go on to have “fussy” behaviours around food. From the get go food = discomfort or pain. They learn if they don’t eat they don’t get pain. This can evolve to include anxiety and panic disorders due to repeat exposure to negative experiences. Your son has a major mental health component that needs to be professionally addressed with a collaborative approach by a paediatrician and speech therapy. Getting your son to eat is one of the last steps after a very long road of treating his anxiety and regaining his trust.
Step 1- go online to the Speech Therapy Australia website and use their search tool to find a paediatric speech therapist in your area. Make appointment as you can self refer (no referral needed).
Step 2- ask speech therapist if they can recommend a good paediatrician who specialises in food avoidance issues.
Step 3- go to GP and ask for referral to paediatrician (if speechie can’t recommend one GP might)
Alternatively if you are near a large Children’s Hospital (Melbourne Children’s Hospital for example) they often have a whole department focusing on eating disorders in children and can provide a team approach under one roof. Often there can be long wait times regardless if its public or private so act now.
It’s not too late, you’re doing the best you can and it’s frustrating to the core dealing with these children every single day. You both need help and support. Xx
He could have sensory issues. I’m not sure if he’s ever had any other issues with texture or behaviour?
I have an extremely fussy 10 year ASD child.
I have been to countless nutritionists and the most helpful advice was its best he eats anything and and to not push it.
My helpful advice that has worked for me is use one food, a basic food you would like him to eat, be it pasta, or a boiled egg etc.
Then just leave the new food on another plate on the table.
Do this for a week.
Then Try to ask him to pick it up with his hands to put it on your plate for you to eat.
Then a week later slowly progress to could it sit on his plate away from his food.
Next step next to his food.
Then could he smell it each night for a week.
Could he lick it each night for a week.
Could he sit it in his mouth and spit it out for a week.
This has worked for me.
When he is up to the licking stage he gets a reward for doing it.
For us it was coke because it’s something he loves and we don’t have.
We then progress to chewing and spitting it.
Then swallowing.
It’s slow and it’s hard. But for us it has worked.
He went through a stage of thinking he was fat and not eating. That was really tough when he was already super skinny!
I had to show him BMI and average weights etc for kids and explain he wouldn’t grow etc.
thankfully it worked but it was so hard.
Big hugs to you. My best advice is don’t stress over it; let him eat what he likes