VENT
Why do people feel the need to comment and shame me for having a large family! I don’t go around shaming people for choosing to have one or no children at all so why does everybody seem to have such a big opinion on my uterus and what I chose to do with it. We have 6 kids under 10, We live in a nice area, my children go to private school, their father works hard so that we can afford them😂, we don’t ask for hand outs or loans, never ask anybody to babysit. It is basically us and our kids doing our own thing. I get nasty comments off everybody, friends, family, strangers. Do you know what causes it? Contraception fail? Did you mean to have this many kids, I bet you wish you didn’t have so many kids? And my favourite is from family, every time I announce I’m pregnant a get “one great, you must be running out of names by now” or “but your done after this one right?” I have even been told by family that I “have options” insinuating I should have an abortion!
I’m a good mum. I adore my children, they are well presented and have amazing manners. They are good kids. They go without nothing. It’s not like a have a Custer or children running, screaming and carrying on like a tiny army of crazy people 😂
I’m not sure what the point of this was but after being insulted again this morning I’m just a little frustrated
36 Replies
I only have 2 but because I'm a single mum I get judged. I also have my kids at private school and I work but people assume I'm only on Centrelink. People will judge no matter what sadly.
Exact same situation!
Constantly judged and questioned “well how do you afford to send them there, does their dad pay you a lot of child support? Do they even have the same dad”
Etc etc
People love to judge - I don’t know if it comes from jealousy, stupidity or a desire to voice every dumb thought they have
Yep I've heard "Your child support must be good to afford that" ugh nope it's MY money and hard work that pays for it.
Op. I get asked a lot if all my children have the same dad. When I say yes they look at me baffled. Even if he was their step dad what the he’ll would it matter
Yeah I had this. Some guy told me I must make heaps on the pension and I do I want a boyfriend. I told him no thanks, I have a husband who works and I don’t fancy losers like himself.
I have 3 kids and get comments like this too, I always thought 3 kids was pretty average lol.
A regular one, "Why would you have a 3rd when you already had one of each?"
Also the fact that I do get some family payments from centrelink seems to make people think they can tell me what to do with my money and how to raise my kids because "their taxes pay my income".
Aside from people like that, I don't think the majority are intentionally trying to be insulting, I think they can just be insensitive about things they don't or can't understand. It's often misguided humour too!
I think implying she should have an abortion is definitely intentionally insulting her
But it wouldn't be most implying this is the right thing to do.
Most could well be doing the old-fashioned jibe handed down over generations and be blissfully unaware that these days you're not supposed to say it. You know the ones, old as time themselves, the don't you have a tv, don't you know how they're made...
Clearly what the comment meant.
I use to cop it a lot too.
My favourite judgemental comment coming from my ex was "your son would have more respect for you if you had a job...."
He didn't know I was working. Yes, child support was aware of my income. Lol
Yeap. I have 7 children 19yrs-10mths. Every day shamed for having a large family and god forbid my kids don’t all have the same father. Yes cause I set out to choose the abuser (abuse started after 2nd child), Yeap I choose the man that cheated when he became a cop (13 years together) Oh sure I absolutely knew my ex was doing meth and messing with my head to the point I have PTSD due to the trauma of his mind games and lies and he uses the birth of our child to call an intervention on my mental health. Of course that was all my choice and I suppose I could have stayed with any one of them so that I had a ‘partner’ and wasn’t now a single mum. I hate ppl so much now but love my kids and they love me
Oh hun I am a Proud of 6 also very blessed and all to the same dad.
When asked "do we know what causes it?" or "don't you own a tv?" my answer now is absolutely we know what causes it and yes we own a tv and a DVD player and we happily watched Pornos that made these moments all the more fun to fall pregnant 🤣 🤣 soon shuts the idiot questions up!!
I’m going to get absolutely shot down, I understand that. But it is my opinion and it’s JUST an opinion :)
I personally think large family’s are a burden on society. We are already struggling to accommodate having so many people populating the world. I think there should be a two kid limit. I would never go around shaming anyone though and questioning them as to why!
UM you just did! Lmao.
I agree but it should be capped at 3.
' I'd never go around slamming any One though'
Fucking hypercrite.
And how would you enforce it being capped at 3? Forced contraception or abortions?
Yes, controversial but I believe we need sterilisation and it should be a privilege to have kids.
So you believe I should be sterilised?
And myself included. I’ve got two kids and I’m stopping there - but yes I do think we need to do our bit for the world as we are all selfish in some ways and we need to make adjustments that are very radical. As I said, this is just my opinion and it isn’t a real life scenario as they wouldn’t be so brash to do anything like that ever.
Feel free to get yourself sterilised then 🤷🏼♀️
👍🏼
If it helps, we all get shamed for different things. I'm shamed for DH & I travelling & having a career in our 20's and not having kids until our 30's. Apparently marrying young means I should have kids then too.
I was even shamed by my parents on the weekend because my autistic son still has training wheels on his bike, aged 7. He hasn't the motor strength, balance or confidence, yet here's my father trying to take them off.
I'm shamed by my MIL, well, for everything.
I tell them all 'thanks for that, that comment is not helpful, but hurtful'. Not their business. They stop pretty quickly.
I think a lot of people get shamed for most things! Having one kid, not having kids, having too many kids, having kids too young, having kids too old etc! You can’t get it right whatever you decide. Not just about having kids but going to work too early, being a SAHM, sending kids to private school, not sending them to private school! It’s never-ending! I understand it’s super frustrating. I guess all we can do is try and teach our kids and ourselves to not judge based on these things😊
I feel this ! I had 8 kids under 12. I was stared at, whispered about , laughed at and outright commented on. One lady once said she would kill herself If she had 8 kids under 12. Mind you she had 9 kids under 22. Another told me I needed my head kicked in for having 8.
Mine are all adults now and have their own beautiful lives but I will never forget how I was treated for bringing them into the world. My husband never got slammed for it, they would slam me instead.
They didn't bloody get here on their own !!
I don't care if people have lots of kids as long as they can care for them and afford them. But, and I'm not saying this is what you do, I have NO sympathy for people who complain about having too many kids and no one (outside of the other parent) wanting to help. Stop having kids if you feel that way!
Yep, I know a few people with a big number of kids. Every pregnancy announcement leaves me facepalming because they don't appear to cope well, on a few different levels, with the ones they have!
I do think people wonder how big families can be self sustainable too, I mean we're right on the edge with 3!
You will get judged no matter what though, so you really can either let it bother you, let it go or speak directly to the person saying things.
Unfortunately this has been my experience too, and not because there was a change of circumstances.
As a dance teacher I copped it a few times with big families wanting special treatment because they had a lot of children so for some reason it was an expectation that they don’t have to pay as much, couldn’t afford a very cheap costume and couldn’t get there child to class and would try and make this my problem.
I’m not saying the OP is anything like these families. I can see how the prejudice develops though. Just like the prejudice has developed against me for having one child (who isn’t spoiled, but should be according to other people’s bad experiences).
Yep I know someone with 6 kids who constantly complains everything is too expensive when you have to times it by 6...I'm like??? Why did you have 6 kids then? What did you expect?
I have a friend with 4 who often says how expensive things are with 4. I don't think it's a complaint I think it's a reality they keep on being reminded of. And i forget as well. The amount one maccas takeaway is for their family is insane. It's just a different life with that many or more.
I have 4 and Maccas isn't that much for us all unless you're getting the most expensive items for everyone.
Must of sucked when there was limits on grocery items 😂.
Yeah it would have. I know some parents had to make several trips a day shopping at different stores.
I hate when this happens. I only have four (I also had 3 miscarriages). My usual answer is “Yes we have a TV, we DO know that causes it, and yes, we ARE Catholic. Now, let’s talk about YOUR family size”.
I get you. I have one, single mum. So constantly judged.
But my brother and his wife have 5. They were self supported, but hit hard times and relied on support - boy didn’t they cop so much shit!!! No one cares that they’ve worked for 15 years and paid over 220k tax... they only care that they’re now taking welfare 🤦♀️🤦♀️ None of it self inflicted - but they’ve managed to pull through and so many people say things like “don’t you wish you stopped at 2?”
And my sister In says “yeah, but unfortunately couldn’t decide which 2 to keep!” Shuts me up quick smart.
We don’t judge in our family - we just support everyone’s decision because at the end of the day, every human is a blessing
You might not make comments about people having 0, 1 or 2 children... plenty of others do though. Honestly, I think people just look at it from their own lens. More than 2 sounds horrible to me for a wide array of reasons. But it really works for others. Focus on your family and just ignore opinions of others.
I only have 4 but they are all boys, my youngest his 8 months old, just after he was born I was at the shop and had an older lady talking to me she said "oh all boys and the new one boy? Oh that's a real shame"
I get those types of comments all the time, like I should be disappointed because I had all boys and I don't have a girl... Personally, my last two pregnancy almost resulted in stillbirths, I'm just happy my babies are all here with me regardless of gender.