Hi there.
I thought it would be fun to do an ancestry test late last year. Fast forward and the results led to a surprise cousin, no family members from my dads side, and a bombshell that my dad is not my birth father.
Please no hate on my mum. I love her to death, it’s a really old decision that she made, and it was a rocky relationship with my “dad”. She was straight with me when I asked and we worked through things.
I had a good life. I never wanted for anything, had a roof over my head, food on the table and good values.
Family is everything to me! It’s a big family. Half siblings, step siblings etc.
I love my Dad so much, and my kids adore him. He would do anything for us.
He doesn’t know about any of this and I feel it would break his heart, so I don’t think I could pursue anything with my other family.
My birth father is actually known to my husband by coincidence and both him and my newly found cousin have said he’s a beautiful man. I also have siblings and nieces and nephews.
I had made my peace with the fact that I had my family and didn’t need to do anything with the new info, but I find myself searching my birth fam nearly every day and looking on ancestry for new matches all the time too.
I don’t want to blow anybody’s worlds up, but I want to move on from the constant thinking about it.
Any tips would be very welcome, thank you so much.
Also, I have since found out that 1 in 3 people that do an ancestry test find some sort of skeleton in the family closet. I almost wish I’d never done it, not so blindly anyway, you’ve been warned lol.
3 Replies
Yes, of course our parents and grandparents would never have imagined a future where this sort of testing was available.
Have you considered some counselling?
I’m tempted to do it, I’m pretty sure I have half siblings out there. My “dad” is sure I have siblings out there. My Aunty nearly chocked on a sandwich when I mentioned I wanted to do it which tells me I probably have someone out there that could be a relative she wouldn’t want me to know about. She was around in the era when they were taking babies from teenage mums and my nana no doubt would have sent her away. My mum too. There’s no harm in looking and meeting up with your other family members as long as you don’t oust your family.
I come from a father I always knew I had, so not unexpected for me. I went in knowing I had about 8 half siblings, and a father who wasn't the most grown up haha. I never looked into it until my mother lost her mind. I'm glad I did for myself but I didn't have high hopes. I would suggest making contact but be prepared for your expectations to not be met. You unfortunately can never make up that time. Atleast with my half siblings they are still young and I get along with them well enough so there is some good that came of the situation. Good luck, if you don't pursue it you will never have answers.