I understand this is a very emotional subject so I'm expecting some backlash from a few responses but I'm also hoping to get some peoples experiences.
My story:
I already have three lovely children who I adore. All fathered by my husband who is very much a part of their lives
even though we are currently separated. Although hubby and I are working towards reconciling there is still a lot of work to be done and there's no guarantee that we'll get back together permanently. There are mental health issues that we are working through on both sides. So this is the first hurdle, second is we are in no financial position for me to have this baby. If we stay seperated then I'll have to give up work and go to centrelink to support me fully (hubby does and always has paid child support). If hubby and I reconcile then money will be extremely tight. We don't own a property, I have a small family car so I'd have to get a large family car.
I also am stressed to the max already parenting the three I do have.
I have no idea which decision to make because right now the only reason I'd keep this baby is the true love a mother has for her child. But what if baby puts more strain on my relationship with hubby, takes more time away from my three other children, makes me resentful that I struggle financially, can't get ahead, lose my social life. My hubby has said he'll support me emotionally and financially either way.
I know these all sound selfish. I can hear myself say it and feel absolutely terrible because I was that person who always thought I'd never consider terminating.
Please - is there anybody out there who can share the experience of termination.
Has anybody been booked in and actually walked out of the clinic before the termination went ahead?I wonder if I'll get that far, see the baby on the ultrasound and can't go through with it.
I'm not interested in hearing from people about how horrible I am, god will never forgive me etc etc. I've already thought about it from every angle and cry and beat myself up everyday. I have a week or two to go through with the procedure (I'll be 8 weeks in two weeks)
Thanks
14 Replies
I just want to say I don't think your horrible. You are being smart and trying to look after the people that are already here. It sounds like you are already feeling very stretched emotionally and financially at the moment. I think there are counselling services available specifically for this issue. Perhaps contact Mary Stopes foundation
what a beautiful, strong, loving mother you are...sounds like you have thought long & hard about this and I applaud you for writing in.
termination is a difficult thing to not only contemplate but to also go through with...you need a great support network who will be with you every step of the way.
I agree with earlier comment, there is counselling for this, I urge you to explore every avenue and most importantly, make peace with whatever decision you make.
sending hugs to you...I wish you all the best.
After my first I was pregnant within 3 months, my relationship was struggling already and I was suffering with PND so I decided to terminate.
sometimes you need to do what's best for yourself, relationship and children you already have.
It makes you no less of a mother, in fact I think it takes incredible strength to make this decision.
I've never regretted it because I new it was the right decision for me:)
Good luck with whatever you choose to do :) XX
I went through a termination because of financial reasons while hubby and I were still together. When I read the disclaimer I had to fill out prior to the termination I nearly did run away, if it hadn't been for a 4hr drive to get to the clinic I probably would have. Our relationship was bad, we had just started a business jus over 6mths previous and had just started earning decent money. Out other two were just at a more manageable age 6 & 5. I wemt on and did have another child in out extremely volatile relationship, I fell pregnant accidentally an couldn't go through it again. We broke up 2 yrs l8r and I receive nothin of him including child support, he won't pay for any debts, which are all in joint names I can't sell the house so looks like I will b bankrupt soon. I think it's better to have a stable relationship before u bring any more lives into an already troubled one
I had a termination at age 25, in solid relationship was just not ready to have a baby. It was hard to go through with, it was an unpleasant experience & for awhile after i felt relieved but also a mix of regret, guilt, awfulness, but overall more calm because i knew it was the right thing. Now looking back im 100% happy with my decision. I was in no way ready & i made the best decision.
Our first hold was a surprise accident and we did think about termination, the dr asked to get an ultrasound so they knew how far along I was and after looking at the ultrasound I just couldn't go through with it. It was very scary as we had nothing to our names but we made it work she will be 7 soon and has two younger brothers
Firstly they won't show you the monitor in the ultra sound they turn it away so you and your partner can't see it for that exact reason. Mine was 3yrs ago this November and I don't regret it for one minute. In sAying that, it also doesn't mean I don't think about the what ifs and he/she would be such age by now. There is no right and wrong decision it is a personal choice and what is right for you. It is very very easy for people to judge this topic without ever having to decide what to do. Stay strong and stick to it. If you believe it is the right decision now you will think it's the right decision in 3yrs time. Good luck
I don't think you are being horrible, I had an abortion with my still partner and father of my child... I was on the pill and fell pregnant ... (after that I began to use ovulation tracking as contraceptive)
we were in a bad place finically and in a bad place in our relationship.....
it was so so so hard for me at the time to make a decision and i was a wreck as id always been against it...
I went through with it and have never regretted it since....
well maybe the month or two after had some doubts but as life went on Im so happy it was the right decision ... sometimes I think about it and think wow I would have a 5 year old... but you know what I can't say I would be together with their father. I can't say I would be satisfied with so many aspects of my life, and I know I couldn't have enjoyed a relished that child as Iv been able to my daughter.
and you know what else? abortions are FAR more common than people realise... I find when Iv open up to people about having one... they often open up and tell me they've had one too! its just so controversial for some people no one ever admits it! they are done in secret and held a secret to only a few....
my point is know your not alone.
to me it doesn't sound like this baby is a good idea at all... and it does sound like a situation in hindsight you would regret...
I retract that last line. it was really inappropriate given 10 lines of your situation...
you just sound like your already at breaking point...
hugs to you whatever you decide xx
I understand all ur thoughts and fears and guilt and shame.I was in that situation thought if I saw something on that monitor I would not go through with it too. I was lucky in a way that I did not see a bean. we were only just able to make out a sac. The Dr determined I was 6wks. I had the medication feeling all sorts of scared but once I had it an overwhelming sense of relief took over. If you were to reconcile and get back on track then you can bring another baby into a house of love and financially stable for both yourselves and the kids u already have.
I had an abortion 7 years ago now. I have never regretted it because it was the right decision. When you go in, I was taken into a room first and given a sheet to fill in about my emotions and how I felt about it. The lady talked to me for awhile about how I felt and my reasons. I was then taken into another room where an ultrasound was done but the monitor was turned away from me. I then had to talk to the doctor about the type of anaesthetic I wanted during the procedure. I opted to be knocked out. After I woke up, I was in a bed. They kept me for about an hour, gave me a script for antibiotics and that was it. You do bleed quite heavily afterwards for a week or so. There is not a lot of support after the procedure unfortunately which I found hard at first. This was my experience.
If you need someone to talk to, I am here.
I unexpectedly fell pregnant with baby number 4 too. I cried and cried, I didn't want another baby; I had just started a fantastic job with GREAT career prospects, my relationship was rocky and I felt like the weight of everything was on my shoulders, and I just couldn't cope. I went to see my family GP and I bawled my eyes out and told him I didn't want this baby. He handed me the box of tissues and he said;
You can do this, you've already done it three times.
Jobs come and go, your baby will be yours forever.
When is a relationship ever perfect? If everyone waited for the time to be just right to have a baby, no one would ever have one.
And life is tough, you don't get many surprises, many special gifts, so look at this from a different light; it is a blessing, not a curse.
He told me to have a good hard think about it before I made my decision, but that he would support me either way.
I decided to keep my baby.
And the day he was born was the happiest day of my life; this gift that I never wanted came into my life, and filled me with so much love and hope and joy... And not for one minute have I regretted him - every single day I am thankful for this precious gift. I have a new job now, not as good; I don't have anywhere near as much money, I have mountains of washing waiting to be folded, and I drive a big car that is full of child restraint seats. But I am so much happier having him in my life, than I was before he came along. My relationship is still rocky; the issues we have had still remain and have not been affected at all by another child.
I would never ever judge another woman for making this decision either way, I almost did it myself so
I understand exactly how you are feeling. I just wanted to share my story and let you know that the outcome is sometimes far better than you ever could have imagined. Good luck with your decision mumma xo
I had an abortion last year because the timing was not right for me. It's not something I talk about a lot but it's not something I'm ashamed of either. Personally, id rather terminate than bring a child into the world when I'm not ready to be the parent he or she deserves. Yes, I am already a parent. Good luck to you IM, I hope it works out for the best. I have no regrets. xx