My mother and father in law have recently separated. There was mild behind door issues but nothing major and simply decided to go separate ways.
How do I tell our children? (Aged 9, 5 and 4) I figure the little ones won't ask too many follow up questions but I'm not sure how to approach it with our oldest and the follow up questions? How do I explain why he's grandparents split up but reasure him that his mum and dad still love each other very much? I don't want them to worry about their own parents separating (although we are very happy) Am I over thinking this? I've never been through a family breakup so not sure how navigate.
How do I tell my kids why grandma and grandpa aren't together anymore?
How do I tell my kids why grandma and grandpa aren't together anymore?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Kids
4 Replies
To be honest given that it's their grandparents and not parents I would just say something along the lines of 'Grandma and Grandpa have decided to have separate houses from now on'. If any of them ask why a simple 'they decided that they didn't want to live with each other any more' should be enough. Kids don't need to know the intricate details of why. Unless you are upset and making it a big deal when you tell them then the kids are unlikely to have any concerns particularly if they will still see both of them.
Agree. Since their home doesn't change, they probably won't be majorly affected. Make sure they know they can still see them both.
I don't think they'll mind too much unless it means they won't see one of them anymore. Just keep it simple.
My grandparents separated when I was about 6 or 7.
In my scenario the separation was due to my grandfather being quite mentally unwell and he'd became aggressive and volatile. He was of the baby boomer generation in which men were very stoic and this was the early 90s when mental illness was still very misunderstood and improperly treated.
Of course I didn't know any of that at the time, the only explanation I got was "Nan and Pop are getting divorced. They'll live in different houses now". The lack of information made me feel more confused about it all. If I asked questions I'd get told it wasn't my business.
So my advice, be as honest as you can be whilst remaining in the realms of child appropriateness.
Don't overwhelm him with information, keep it simple but give him opportunities to ask questions and answer them as best you can.
Also prepare for this to be a bit of an ongoing conversation, sometimes it takes kids a while to process things. I've had to talk about difficult things with my kids, they were like "Oh OK" and went on their way but then sometimes days or even weeks later they've had a bit of an emotional outburst about it.