Hey ladies,
How do I not feel like the a**hole in this situation.
It turns out my partner of 2.5 years is still using drugs.
This has been an issue in the past and he has sworn it has stopped, I've given ultimatums and said I will not have it in my house etc.
We are a blended family. We have both mine and his children full time. I would absolutely just leave if it was just my children and I, however my stepchildren are pulling at my heartstrings (without them knowing it).
Their mum walked out on them when they were babies and my partner's ex before me walked out with no phasing out etc either (which I can now understand from her point of view of protecting herself).
I don't know what to do. He has said that he'll go to rehab but honestly, I don't believe it. I don't trust him anymore and I also don't feel like I want to wait around to see if he decides to get better. He can be very volatile at confrontations and is very good at telling people what they want to hear/ getting people to do what he wants.
How do I leave 1. Without hurting my stepchildren and 2. When pretty much everything in our house is mine (obviously if it came to necessity I'd leave it all, but I'd rather not)
7 Replies
Would he be open to leaving the home and allowing his children to remain with you, at least until he gets better? If that's something you'd be willing to take on of course.
At the very least I think you need to make authorities aware when you depart, they really can't be left in the sole care of an active drug user. It may even be worth getting some advice from a social worker/child services now.
I don't really have any more advice but I feel for you, what a heartbreaking predicament!
Honestly, I don't want to. I love them, but I've had them used against me every time I've tried to bring this conversation up before, or tried to leave. It feels like it would just be giving him ammo to make me stay
Keep them and send him on his merry way. If he wants the kids he can do drug te st s and prove himself worthy of having them. Perhaps get his close family on board as this really is something they would have input into, over who keeps the children long term. But if you're happy to keep them for now with no chance of reconciliation that to me would be the best thing for them.
Oh I just read you want completely out. Fair enough. The best you can do is speak to his family and set the kids up with somewhere to go, and if he doesnt allow it, tell him youve spoken to facs and one call to them and he'll lose contact completely. He has to sort himself out. And you need to do what's best for you.
You need to tell child protection, start gathering evidence now please while you are still there. Those kids will be hurt but imagine how they will feel when they are older watching girlfriend after girlfriend walk out because it's too much for them while they are left to suffer through his shit. Please tell the right people, even get police involved if there's a need for it, it will make things go faster for the kids.
I know it sucks to hear this as I have been in this position, but the kids aren't yours so anyone can take them at any time . Not just the parents if they chose to. Can you report the issues to their school? They will take it so much more seriously knowing that the kids might not be in the best position until something legal happens. DCP dont responded to issues unless it's from teachers, police, ambulance officers, doctors, day care workers etc ..
I know because I've been where you are.
Wishing you luck .
Once that part is sorted you can figure out the rest , like your belongings.
I have a child to my first husband, he was abusive and I left when my LO was 12 months old.
My second husband and I split up after 9 years and he was my sons true father. We have a parenting plan in place for him and he goes every second weekend even tho he is not biologically his child. His family treat my son as there own.
My advice would be to kick him out of the house. Get legal advice and take the step children, get child services involved if you have too. And maybe the dad has visitation with his kids but lives primarily with you.
You can't stay for kids, but you do have a responsibility to ensure that they are safe if you are not there. Tell the school collect evidence of the drug use and keep track of it all. If the kids have other family and they are people you can talk to and trust fill them in, ask for there help to look after the kids. This will be ugly, and If you can't keep them with you, please try and keep them safe. the kids didn't choose this 😢. If the house is rented I would leave and take your things. My sister left her 15yo step son with her ex husband after wanting to leave for years as the marriage was a train wreck. He took it hard and it took a while but to this day a lovely young man keeps in contact and she still loves him like her own. not all stories have bad endings