So 16 years ago I lost my virginity to a guy, he was respectful and waited for me to be ready. The relationship lasted 9 months and then he had to move so we separated. Fast forward 16 years down the track, we are back in touch and everything was aligned. He is willing to move closer so we can be together. We both have children to ex partners. He is in the middle of custody dispute and I have been helping him and supporting him along the way. He had the child for 3 months due to safety concerns of the mother. A few weeks ago his ex sent him inappropriate messages about how she's thinking about what she gave up etc. I asked him to address it and set boundaries. He would not, so I took myself out of the equation. Only a day later He went to his exs place and
stayed for a week to "help her" and they had sex. She played him
because she did it just to take the child off him and kick him out
of the house..He has come back to me asking him to give him a
chance and for me to forgive him. And seems very upset that she got him in a moment of weakness. I know in my heart what I need to do but would like others opinions please
To give a chance or not
To give a chance or not
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
13 Replies
She didn’t play him. He willingly went there and had sex with her while playing happily families after she had voiced her regrets. Sounds more like he played her so he could get a shot off
I think you need to put him back in the past, sounds like you are both holding onto the people you once were but 16 years and kids changes everyone. It won't work. Move on with your life.
You should run away fast!
Firstly, no excuses for his behaviour with his ex. He hasn’t finished with his ex and you know it. You can’t be played unless you want what they are offering!
Secondly starting a relationship while the custody issues are being sorted makes things ridiculously hard.
Thirdly the chances of him moving closer to where you are and maintaining a relationship with his child is going to be extra challenging.
He sounds toxic and he is nowhere near finished with the ex you at best you are the rebound at worst you are the person he runs to until he gets back together with her.
Life isn't a game in which one can be "played". We get up every day and make choices, some good, some bad - but choices nonetheless.
He DECIDED to disregard your feelings.
He DECIDED that you were disposable.
He DECIDED to shack up with his ex for a week.
He DECIDED that his dick was of more importance than the wellbeing of his child.
He's now DECIDED he'd try his luck with you again now that the better offer is off the table.
This guy sounds like he's so far away from being capable of having a healthy relationship with you - he's just got too much going on in his life.
I think it may be best if you remove yourself for longer and see what happens with no expectations.
I hate to say it but he knew what he was doing. If he wanted to help he didn’t have to stay there.
They’re still emotionally entangled, it’s a shit fight.
You are the classic rebound, supporting him through his troubles, the shoulder to cry on.
The fact he wants to move to be with you, so early in the piece means he’s using you as an escape from all his troubles.
But there is no escape, he needs to work through all these issues and he needs to focus on his kids, entangling himself from her and developing a healthy co parenting relationship.
A healthy relationship begins with two healthy independent people, ready to commit to another person.
He is so far from that, it isn’t funny.
The longer he uses you as a crutch, the longer the whole thing will drag out.
Remove yourself from this situation, you deserve better and don’t belong there.
Tell him when he has sorted everything out, when he is whole again, maybe in 6 to 12 months, if you’re both single, you may consider dating.
They may even get back together, who knows, sounds like they still have unfinished business.
Check yourself and why you were willing to be a part of this shit fight.
Nope, he’s got enough on his plate.
Leave him to his drama. Your history with him isn’t enough! Keep walking!
You know what I find to be the biggest red flag here? The fact that their child was in his care due to a safety concern with the mother. That child is now back in a potentially unsafe situation because of his sheer stupidity! That speaks absolute volumes to me...
You really owe it to yourself and to your children to not be bringing men like that into your lives!
Leave him where he is. If he really thought they much of you, he wouldn’t have gone back there. If it worked he would have stayed. Don’t be a fool. He is your past and you are just there for him to get him through this and a place to stay. Don’t do it.. block contact with him.
I don’t think he tells you the truth.. he had the kid coz the it wasn’t safe. The kid goes back to mother. He goes back and sleeps with the mother..?? The mother who apparently puts the kid in an unsafe environment..? So many red flag here. For your own kids sake, cut this guy off. He’s already lied. You say she played him.??? How did she play him.? He went there and he slept with her.?? How has she played him.? He did it.? Open your eyes and don’t let loneliness drive you back into the hands of someone who doesn’t sound so good for you or honest. You’d never trust him! HE CHOSE HIS ACTIONS, HIS EX DID NOT MAKE HIM, SORRY TO SAY BUT HE SOUNDS LIKE A LIAR WHO IS USING YOU TO MAKE HIS LIFE EASIER!
When people show you who they really are, you should believe them. Don’t over-romanticise it because he was your first. You will never be ‘the one’ for him - his actions prove it.
Don't, I had a mate and his ex was always the one. O matter what they always had sex. If you have a new interest you shouldn't be going there.