I don't even know what I'm asking here. I think I just need to get it out and I don't know where to turn. My husband drinks.. to excess almost every weekend. He can drink 30 cans of beer over 2-3 days. He works fulltime and wants to join QPS. I cannot deal with him when he's been drinking. He doesnt know when to stop and is so argumentative. The morning after is always met with "you can't start with me when I've been drinking, you know I get pissed off" problem is EVERYTHING I say is taken as me trying to start an argument. I feel like I cant win. Everytime I have myself convinced that I'm better off alone, sober makes me remember why I love him. Has anyone else experienced this? I don't know how to deal with this moving forward, I'm so stuck with trying to work out whether there's any point to trying to save this?
25 Replies
I’m dealing with this tonight. I feel you. Thankfully he has passed out and I don’t have to listen to his drunken bullshit and be called a slut and to go suck a dick
I'm so sorry you are living with this as well. I'm hoping he will pass out soon or just go and game and stay there for the night
It’s infuriating they can be two such different people. Amazing, loving, RESPONSIBLE during the week, then once Friday night comes around turn into a vile, venom spitting drunken mess. But it’s always everybody else’s fault.
I hope for your sake he passes out soon too. Chin up babe xxx
It really is. Its so hard to explain to people who haven't experienced it. I love him when hes sober but i hate him when hes drunk. Its like being married to Jekyll and Hyde. You take care xxx
Go suck a dick coz your a slut , says he? Take him up on his accusation then. Since he's calling you one, how would he like it if you actually 'were' one. I know you probably wont, but I know I would if it were me . Just to prove a point to the bastard for telling me to do it, before fucking him off for good.
I have 5 very young children, one being. Breastfed new born, I don’t have the energy to suck his dick let alone anybody else’s 😂
Mine has passed out as well. I don't have to listen to him trying to start a fight
So sorry you are going through this. This isn’t a situation I’d plan on staying in long term.
It’s hard and I did leave, definitely easier once I got clear away.
I’m not sure the police would be keen on recruiting an alcoholic?
Sounds like a nightmare for you. Does he want to stop drinking?
I think he knows deep down he has a problem, but he doesn't think its a big enough problem to be concerned about. In his eyes an alcoholic is jobless and drunk every night of the week. I've tried explaining what a functioning alcoholic is.. he doesn't get it.
Sounds like he’s in denial as admitting he has a problem might mean no drinking and no drinking for an alcoholic is scary. This is also your life, your existence, I guess it’s for you to decide if it’s a big enough problem to be concerned about? Is it a big enough problem to to make a stand - enough of the verbal abuse, enough of the anxiety everytime the weekend rolls around. Do you have children? Do they witness the drunken antics? Regardless it’s a horrible environment for anyone to be around and you are not a bad person for wanting more out of life. Give yourself permission to say I’ve had enough.
I keep telling mine he needs help, but he disagree an said he doesn't have a problem,
Your not alone. This is my situation also. It’s so hard
It’s so awful
I hope you have a friend you can talk to, I have to keep it to myself
This forum is my outlet (I posted a couple days ago, must be something in the water)
Find strength
Hugs
This used to be a regular thing for me too. I am recently separated. My x was a binge drinker. Every weekend he would drink bourbon after bourbon. He was a totally different person when he had been drinking. Alcohol turned him into a monster. The next day he would act all nice and try to help me with the housework and cook me breakfast. How can you be a monster one day and helpful the next?
Eventually it all came to a crashing end resulting in an AVO.
I lived through this for years, then the behaviour extended to his none drunk times. I ended up hating him and not wanting to be near him. So I said I was leaving, which he then decided to change his behaviour.
I’ve been out for almost 3 years and never looked back. It’s not worth it.
Thank you everyone for your help. He was talking to his sister on the phone in his drunken state and the jist I got was that he is leaving me. I feel sick for when he wakes up, I don't know how much of last night he remembers. Either way I will be telling him to get help or leave. I do have 2 children and I know they cannot grow up around this behavior.
I’m so sorry hun. Mine has woken up with no memory of last night. Asked me why my plans were for today, “ I might go sick some dick 🤷♀️“ he looked mortified when I said it. Is currently sitting outside sulking trying to figure out why I’m not talking to him
I’m not the OP but spell it out to him, if you haven’t already. Don’t let him try and figure it out. Give him a blow by blow account of the reality of what life is like living with an alcoholic. Be brutally honest with him now while he’s hungover. Express the seriousness of the situation. If he tells you he’s not up for hearing it then tough, you’re not up for hearing to suck dick.
In my experience a lot of people (in general, not only men) get a bit hazy on details when they've had a bit to drink.
What you accept is what you can expect.
Once, over 20 years ago my then relatively new boyfriend was a bit of a cock on a camping trip after a few too many. The next morning he was told exactly what was said and exactly what he was going to get if he ever fucking dared again. It's been almost 25 years since then, yes he still has a drink, yes he sometimes goes too far and gets a bit shitfaced but he has never again dared to have a go at me. And, it was not as severe as you're a slut and to go suck a dick. That would have earned him a punch in the mouth and a long walk home.
I'm truly sorry if what you heard is true and he plans on leaving you anyway, but you know what? What kind of coward little fucking boy drinks to escape a relationship he doesn't want to be in and whines to his sister about it before having the basic decency to speak to his wife about it. Fuck him, good riddance.
Time to reset the boundaries and expectations. Keep those standards high. You don't let a sinking ship bring you down. He doesn't set the rules. He doesn't get to run things and also claim excuses and depression. If you let that continue you'll end up worse off than him (you may already be close?) I know you want to understand and support but some tough love will do you all good.
This was my husband. He was so drunk one night, the next time he went to work, I applied for centrelink. Sent him a msg and said I am out of here and alcohol will never come in our house again. He came hole form work early and hasn’t had a drink at home since. I was ok with a few beers but a carton or more is excessive in a few days. I can’t live with that Yuk.! I cancelled my centrelink application but if he does it again I’m out. It’s not the life I want for me or my kids and he is so boring and depressing when he drinks.
Mine drinks this much always. Carton 30 usually lasts 2 days with a couple left for 3rd day then gets new carton.
He’s always arguementive
He has drank to excess every day between 10-18 every single day for the last 22 years except for about 7 once off random days in the last 15 years because he was so sick from the night before
Try the “love over addiction” podcast. Good luck. It’s very very difficult
The drinking will become worse if he joins the police force (speaking from experience).
I am in the same boat at the moment. Great guy when sober when drunk he can turn into some one else.
Yeh my life in a nutshell :(
He drinks EVERY DAY. Goes through a cask of wine every few days, starts drinking at midday.
Turns into an evil piece of work that says horrible, Cruel things. Makes out he’s a martyr. And unless I tape him and make him listen to himself, he denies he says anything wrong. Even after hearing himself he likes to convince me I’m the issue, not him.