Hi. My 13 year old daughter is constantly finding things about her looks that she doesn't like. Teeth, hair colour, hair texture, eye shape, ears stick out, eyebrows are weird, nose too big, black circles under eyes, hands look old ect. None of these things are true! Far from it. But she doesn't believe me when I tell her. She is beautiful. I know there is more going on, but I'm really at a loss as to how to intercept this mindset. Any advice would be helpful. I am concerned it may turn into an eating disorder later on. I have always encouraged my girls to focus on other things than looks.
1 Replies
It's self esteem. Not just passing comments but ongoing truths about what she's good at. Her qualities that shine, make her unique and amazing. Her skills, interests, humour, kindness, whatever it is. And maybe she does need so positive input about her appearance now. Tell her what she's lucky for, what looks nice today, her hair, her chin, her soft skin, her eyebrows.
Does she have a dream board to put up pictures of her goals dreams things she loves. Her together with her friends.
Then also, it's about comparing herself to others, which is natural. Looking around and seeing beauty, so feeling ugly. Remember she is seeing a LOT of filters, promos, airbrushing, people that look really good but just look human in real life.
Try to find a diverse range of women heroes. Maybe a book or posters. We generally don't look like supermodels, and we dont all look the same, and that's ok. And we wish for what others have, but instead we need to appreciate their beauty but appreciate our own as well.
And I'm not sure if this is right or not, but I would show her the filters on Snapchat or tiktoks. Let her play. Let her see the eye colour magic, it's all very fake.