Porn

My partner and I have been a bit rocky the past couple of years. He is emotionally unavailable for months at a time then for a week or two he'll be 'normal' (affectionate, relaxed etc). I feel like he is making me more of a friend than a partner and says he is always confused. I choose to hang in there for my 7 year old son who is very sensitive, has detachment issues and a sensory processing disorder. I have tried my everything to get our relationship back on track but somehow i'm always 'the bad guy' when we try to communicate over issues. He doesnt like accountability or being vulnerable. He also wont see a counsellor, feels it will do more harm than good. Something has been REALLY off lately, we haven't had sex for 2 months (he usually has a highish sex drive) and i find myself getting suspicious even though he has never done anything in the past. I cant fault him accept for having a short fuse and being emotionally unavailable. And now pushing me away by friend-zoning us. I checked his google history the other day to see if it would give me any hints about whats going on (because he wont tell me). I did this especially because he has 3 phones! 2 spare which he uses for spotify, porn etc. I dont mind he watches porn, BUT i found that over the past couple of months, his history shows he has been watching it on dates/times that i'm home. He does go to the toilet a lot so my guess is he's watching it in there. This makes me feel hurt because its like hes choosing porn over me. He also hides his phones from time to time. And then suddenly they reappear. Very odd and seems like hes hiding something. Would you also feel hurt about this, or am I over reacting? If I confront him he will label me as the bad guy, say i'm stalking him and deflect the situation. Hes very good at twisting it around.

I need other's perspective please.

Side note - his reason for not having sex is that im not taking the pill (i stopped because we werent being intimate, and that i dont exercise enough - even though im active 3 times a week). That doesnt seem like 'genuine love' to me. We've been together 12 years.