I have been accused of cheating for 3 years in my relationship which finally turned out he’s the one who is doing that. After a while, with a lots of apologies and promises from him, I decided to stay back. The biggest reason is I love this family(I have 2 stepsons and we have 1 baby) and I cannot see 18 months son has a broken heart. He was so happy when I come back to his Dad and very settled.
But I have to deal with my own moods. I cannot forget, everything can relate and remind me about them and he doesn’t even try like he always says. He keeps everything about her, photos, musics, text messages and the reason is “he doesn’t have time”. I know that I should be happy, I should trust he would change and there’s no other girls, for the sake of the kids and myself, but I cannot. I wanna die, wanna kill myself when my kids were noisy and cry. I feel nauseous all the time thinking about what happened. We hardly talk, because I know if he comes to cuddle, it’s because he wants sex.
I don’t want to leave, but staying like this is really bad, I can manage to be happy in front of kids but I can’t handle my doubts and mood swing. What should I do?
After being cheated on
After being cheated on
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health, Anxiety & Depression
8 Replies
Honey you aren’t in a good spot. Please talk to someone. There is always someone to hear you out. You and your children deserve better ❤️ Make an appointment and go see your GP.
I’m so happy when read your reply, feeling so warm. Thank you. I did talk to GP and they referred me to psychologist, I’m still waiting for appointments.
Well I sure hope it’s soon... in the meantime love and focus on your children. More often than not theres no turning back but only you get to decide that. I definitely feel you need to talk and clear your head before making such a heavy decision ❤️
Absolutely.wrong reasons. Son doesn't get to make these choices. your son will be happiest eith a happy, respected mum. Any adult would say it, don't let a baby choose they have no idea. They do adapt and the younger the better as whatever is their normal is normal for them.
Why should you be happy?
Because he's still going to live with you?
Because your kid gets to live with his dad?
Because dad has the knowledge now that he can fuck around, and without having to do anything you'll just bury it down and stay.
He made every promise and DID NOTHING, not even delete photos. That's what you need to listen to, not the shit coming out of his mouth.
18 month old kid just understands familiar and routine. Routines change and over time become familiar.
At 18 years, same kid will not thank you for staying in an unhappy relationship for his benefit. That's a lot of guilt for a young person to have to bear.
No, you should not trust. He should be working his ass off to earn your trust back, and he isn’t doing that.
He should be proving to you that he is 100% committed to this relationship and part of that would be deleting the messages etc, but instead he holds on to that and makes excuses. No excuse is reasonable.
Your child needs his mother to be as mentally healthy as she can be. Your child doesn’t know that because at 18mths old they aren’t old enough to know what’s good for them.
I’m glad you are booked in to see a psychologist, I think you need to build your strength up and I think, sadly the writing is on the wall for this relationship. It’s been a very unhealthy relationship for at least 3 years.
Don’t get me wrong, some relationships can come back from cheating, But him accusing you, for all that time, then having cheated over a long period of time, and then failing to truly commit to earning your trust back. It’s all too much and would be too much for anyone.
If/when you do separate again, yes it will be hard on your child for a while, but they will get through it, and you will be able to rebuild your mental health and your child will be so lucky to have his happy, strong mummy.
You're staying for the wrong reasons. You aren't respecting yourself. Your son will want to see you happy and see you being a good role model and that means not putting up with the blatant disrespect your partner has shown you.
Sorry once a cheater, always a cheater - especially if its been going on for a while and if he's keeping photos and texts.
Move on, you and your son deserve better. While your step kids will have to stay, you can still be in contact with them if you have a close bond.
As for your mental health, while waiting for an appointment, make sure you reach out to Life Life, family or friends. There are people around that can help. Your local council may also have some free services that can help. And even if you are not religious, your local minister or priest can be someone to talk to.
Good luck x