I think the time has come to leave my partner, but I just can't bring to do it. We have been together 13 years and have 2 young kids. Sorry if this is long or all over the place.
He works hard to provide for us, but is incredibly lazy at home. We both work full time (and not that it matters, but I have generally been the higher income earner). I'm lucky if he cooks once a fortnight, and I still need to help him. I can't remember the last time he washed dishes (maybe 6 months ago). He doesn't load the dishwasher and I have to nag to get him to unload it even once a month.
He often talks to our 5yo like shit, and then gets into me when I stop him.
He spends roughly 5 hours a day on weekdays and 12+ hours a day on the weekends playing computer games.
He cheated on me 7 years ago, just once, will a prostitute overseas.
I really hope our kids don't turn out like him. He has no patience, no empathy, lazy (unless at work), and is very selfish.
I often think about if the grass will be greener as a single mum, but i just can't bring myself to leave. I struggle to talk about my feelings, and don't have any friends to support me due to social anxiety.
I don't really know what is making me stay, but I just can't leave.
11 Replies
The fear of the unknown, is what makes people stay.
I remember when I was younger and sharing a house with a flat mate who was so lazy, played video games all day, he did absolutely no housework and I was so miserable. I dreaded going home every night, so I had a tough conversation with him and said sorry this is not working out, we are very different people, he agreed and left. I took a risk as I needed his rent and what if the next flat mate was worse? What I ended up getting instead was a new flat mate who was caring, considerate, helpful and 20 years later we are still best friends! I know it’s different to getting married and having kids but I feel the sentiment is the same. When choosing someone to cohabit with i think we should be careful. I read so many messages from women just like yours. Men who feel so entitled and are so disrespectful to the women they are supposed to love? Do yourself the biggest favour you can, and choose happiness. Choose yourself and your children and don’t look back. You’ll be free of the misery that is living with someone who treats you like you’re beneath them. And let’s face it you won’t miss him as he’s not even really there.
I'm also worried i will leave him and then regret it. I have this issue of wanting what i cant have, even tho i dont really want it. I'm so messed up
Just leave this is abusive and he is a full blown narc he has zero empathy and wont even if you stay or leave you and your kids deserve happiness do it for the kids or they will turn out like him he sounds like a real peice of work and a cheater also he does and will never respect any woman or you your setting yourself up for years of more misery he will never change but you can change your mindset and make plans for you and the kids good luck
I think some counselling would help with your mindset. If you got some clarity there is no way you’d be worried about regretting leaving a low life.
Eww. No you know it's not about the grass being greener. We all look and pick the advantages if we want to be jealous or disadvantages if we don't want to do it, but what you have to do is do what's right for you and your kids. If being with him is wrong then take the right step. Get on the right course. take the good and bad that goes with that. The fact you're on the right path helps a lot to deal with the hardships.
The fact that one day, you'll look back and wish you took the step even sooner because it will be the best decision you made.
Know your worth, you deserve so much better
Aside from everything else (which is bad enough) if you can’t do it for yourself do it for your son. No child should be spoken to badly and you are his only advocate. Mailing the decision and leaving is the hard part, the relief you will feel afterwards will make you wonder why you stayed so long. You don’t want this for the rest of your life and in your case I say the grass will definitely be greener. Get some counselling for yourself as it will help you get the strength to be clear about your decision and do what needs to be done
Start putting money aside and preparing to leave. Just once cheating is more than enough. The word just makes it seem like you accepted it. He sounds like a selfish lazy pig.!
If that was your daughter writing that, what would your advise to her be? I think you know. Leave now, why live like this? Yeah you can play the what if game and think bad things, but play the what if game and think good things. WHAT IF the best decision you made was leaving, WHAT IF you are soooo much happier after leaving, WHAT IF you regret not doing it a long time ago. 🤔. You only get one life. Spend it happy xx
This so sounds like what's happening to me, except my hubby hasn't cheated but is a big drinker, hardly spends time with us spends more time in his computer. When I'm at work on the weekend he sleeps an get our ten year old to watch her little sister