Please post anonymously, so long story short I have been with my partner 15 years 3 kids together our relationship has always been up and down. 3 years ago he told me he was leaving as he had grown feelings for someone else nothing ever occurred with that as she was married, now forward to 3 months ago I found out he had slept with someone (very close to us) it happened twice. I’m struggling with this so much more than people think as I do love him and he is a good person and a great father but I’m just so hurt I know I deserve better but I’m at a loss with what to do please give me some advise
6 Replies
Sorry hun you do know what to do. You know that love isn't happiness if they just can't love You back the same way. You know you deserve that. Someone with eyes only for you, that offers you love and trust and security. Hold onto that thought as you go forward. You won't find if while you're wasting your time with this joke. Also, one more thing I know it's hard but it's never going to be easier than now, dont waste any more time on this now. You shouldve gone the first time he jumped ship.
Bye! That's what you do! I know 15 years is a really long time and it's going to be hard for you to end it but in this situation it needs to be done. He is looking for someone to leave you for. Don't let yourself continue to be hurt while he finds someone.
Oh mate, this will be really hard to hear but you've got to hear it.
Three years ago he was out. The only reason he stayed is because she didn't want him.
Since then he's opportunistically been fucking around, because really, he's still out.
If you're truly honest with yourself you know he's not a catch worth keeping. Married woman didn't want him, close affair didn't want him, neither should you. And when you do think it through clearly and start to treat yourself with the respect you deserve, I swear you really won't want him either.
Good people do not treat someone who loves them and has invested 15 years and borne their children like this.
Great fathers don't teach their kids that this is the way to treat people in their lives.
Life is too short to sit in the passenger seat and let someone else dictate your life. You decide. In my opinion, tell him to GTFO.
I'm sorry you are feeling this way. I can only offer my story, and my outcome. I was in a very dysfunctional marriage at the time. Zero communication or any willingness to from my husband. I found myself having feelings for a close friend. I crossed the line. I told my husband. We separated for 9 months. Court orders for kids and only contact thru email. I was mentally unwell, that's not an excuse, it's as fact. I wanted everything back I turned my back on. So I jumped in and asked. There was zero trust, nor should there have been. I betrayed that. But he loved me enough to go to counseling. It was a hard time, i thought the divorce papers were all but signed. But the trust started growing and we made it thru. I know people say, once a cheater always a cheater, well that is not always the case. I will never, under any circumstances even think of it. I hurt the person I vowed not to, I betrayed my own morals and ethics, I turned my kids lives upside down. I learned from my mistake. 11yrs on and still going strong. But this was only possible because be chose to forgive me. He also knew that I was not of sound mind. And he took some of the weight cause he knew he wasn't being a good husband to me at the time. However I still carry the guilt silently every day. Only can you decide what is too heavy to carry. And what is truly worth fighting for.
Only you can choose what to do but know that if he has done this once then he has probably done it more times and if you accept it then he will know he got off lightly and prob do it again. The more you put up with the more he will do it. Your choice if you could live with that but I know I couldn’t. I would be gone. No excuses for it.
I know so many people going through this and I think social media plays a bit part. I just have no idea why women continue to stay with men like this. When my ex did it, he was out the door straight away. I couldn’t even be in the same room as him let alone stay with him. I guess I am strong enough to my what I deserve and the way I should be treated. I wouldn’t allow it and it’s hurtful but I go past it and easiest way to do that was cutting an contact with him. Why should I be the one hurting for the rest of my life because of his selfishness and choices. Only get one life go live it and let him live his with his bad decisions I say!