I work full time and my husband and I run a business. He lost his FT job due to covid and has said he wants to use the opportunity to focus on the business. I agreed on the condition that he did exactly that and not just goof off or procrastinate. We simply can't afford it.
It's been over a month now and in total, including going out to jobs and all the behind the scenes work, I'd say he's put in maximum of 7-10 hours. I've been doing work from home, so I'm very aware of how he actually spends his days.
I feel so drained. He moved his best friend in 2 months ago, as well, who has only made one payment of rent in that time. I'm supporting 2 adult men, running a business and running a household as well. I still have to cook and clean. Most days I wake up, work, shut down my work laptop and then go straight to the business computer. Usually no earlier than 8:30 do I stop and then it's time to cook dinner, clean up, do laundry, etc.
If I ask husband to do anything at all, I have to ask countless times and it's never done on the day. Sometimes it takes weeks to get anything done. I recently had surgery and I still had to be the one to do dishes, cook, etc.
This last week I've been irritable and making it known that I'm unhappy with the arrangement. I've tried gentle suggestions. I've tried encouragement. No matter what I do, I get made out to be the bad guy who is "just on his back all the time". I can't stand it anymore. He expects me to run the business for him (I run the entire thing even though it's all a labour of love for me) and gets mad at me when I question why I should be doing it all or when he's going to put in effort. He says ny expectations are too high and I'm being unreasonable. I feel it's the opposite.
To top it all off, he's now decided to separate money. So whatever he earns he's pocketing but I'm expected to pay the bills. We usually have a joint bamk account but he's been hiding the money the business makes and keeping it to himself. And he drew out $10k from his super "for him" and has refused to use it towards the bills. He plans to draw out another $10k and spend it "on him".
I guess I already know he's being a selfish but I needed a vent/validation. All my friends are pretty sick of hearing about it and it feels like they're a broken record saying "he takes you for granted".
11 Replies
To top it all off, he made me take a pregnancy test to try and explain away why I've been so "moody", rather than listening to me when I say over and over that I'm burning out because he won't share the load
Oh my gosh, sorry but that’s awful. Yet another bloke behaving like a boy who was never taught or expected to be a decent equal person. If he’s never had to step up then it sounds like he probably never will. I would not be sticking around.
He is a fuckwit, sorry but you need to see this and likely hear it!
Stop working your arse off for him and his friend and I would be careful that you he isn't already planning on ending the marriage with the money secrecy and hoarding.
RUN, don’t walk, RUN.
Get rid of him, he’ll drag you down, he’s financially abusing you while he has a good time.
If what he earns can cover his half, split the bills. Make him responsible for something.
Oh hunny. Ask yourself what you get out of this partnership. Let yourself off the hook. Find the man who goes to work and comes home and helps cook dinner... they exist! There are men out there who work massive days in tiresome work and come home and help cook clean and bath children without a whinge and without having to be asked! Don’t settle! Know your worth!
What would you day to your daughter/friend if they came to you with this story???
You really need to stop working on his business especially if the business isn't paying household Bill's and you aren't getting a wage. You also need to stop cooking for him and his mate. This is at the very least!! You need to recognise that you are being used and only you can stop that from happening.
So many red flags here... Stop running his business for him to just turn around and hide money from you! That’s financial abuse and I’d be getting a copy of all financials to find out why he feels the need to hide it. You deserve so much more. You shouldn’t have to support him let alone a straggler mate wanting to mooch! You’re not overreacting!
None of what he's doing is ok.
If he wants to keep things seperate financially. Make everything seperate. Tell him to move out.
There's no way you should be putting up with this.
Respect yourself enough to get out of this relationship.
My husband has a business from home. I’ve never touched it, never helped run it... his business, his work, his responsibility.
I have my own job I can’t do his as well.
His lazy and taking advantage of you. If there is no kids involved and it’s easy to leave I would suggest leave. It’s not your job to baby him. You’re his wife, not his mother
The real question is not who is being unreasonable (clearly him) but why you are putting up with it? If you’ve complained about it and discussed it and he’s not acknowledging the issue or doing anything about it then the only person you can change is yourself - meaning stop being upset and kick his arse out! He’s just going to drag you down and years from now you’ll wish you hadn’t wasted your life. He and his freeloading friend can go and be man children together and pay their own bills. They are using you and the jokes on you because you are letting it happen. He doesn’t respect you.