Separation with a mortgage.
Can anyone please give me some direction?
My husband and I want to separate. But we have a large mortgage and combined finances. What do we need to do in this situation? Do we just continue doing everything as normal or do we slowly start splitting our finances etc pays going into separate accounts?
Also if anyone can give me some positive separation stories it would be really uplifting atm because I’m quite down 😞 2 kids and a large house and our worlds are about to be rattled 😞
4 Replies
It depends on what you both negotiate and what your plans are in regards to the house.
Is one of you planning to stay and buy the other out? If there is no equity in the house does it make sense for one of you to take over the payments and ownership and the other just find a new place to live? Will you sell the house? Will you rent it out and hope to cover the mortgage? Are you both able to negotiate these things together or do you think it’s going to get nasty? How big a difference is there in your incomes? Is splitting all debts 50/50 feasible, or going to leave one of you in a really bad position?
It takes a long time to truly separate, but when you do do your legal financial settlement can reflect that one of you paid more than the other (if that’s what you both decide).
I’d love to give a nice straight forward answer here but it depends on your personal circumstances.
Thank you for the comment. We are pretty equal in incomes but there’s no way either of us could afford the house on our own. We would have to sell b with the current market who knows when that will be. There’s no reason for it to get nasty so hopefully it stays that way.
I would negotiate splitting your bank accounts, agreeing to pay 50/50 of all household expenses and kid expenses then.
If it’s not a great time to be selling you might want to look into some more alternate style living arrangements. Friends of ours kept the house for the kids to live in and the parents took it in turns (week on week off) staying with the kids. Both parents had family that could put them up the week they were off. Have a think about what arrangements would suit you both during this transition time and the kids.
I separated from my ex husband 3 years ago, we were together for almost 14. We share 3 children together, our priority always has been our kids and even when we were together we would discuss this type of thing in the event of , my fear was kids having disjointed family etc (my ex had awful experience with separated parents that has caused him life long issues) I never want my kids to feel they have to choose or uncomfortable having us in the same room etc
We were very amicable from the beginning , whilst it was difficult at the time and of course there were many reasons for the separation we always made sure that any decision that was made was in the interest of the kids.
We did our entire financial separation, children parenting orders and divorce all without the aid of lawyers or mediation.
Initially he moved out of the family home (the next day I told him I wanted out of our marriage) ,I stayed and prepared the house for sale, we agreed on land agents etc , I then moved in with some friends whilst the house was for sale so it was less stress prepping for house opens. The house didn’t sell after a few weeks and we agreed for me to move back in so there was some stability and normality for our kids (he was living with his mum)
I agreed to take over the full mortgage and bills effective from this date with longer term goal to buy him out. We had our own agreements on the rest of our finances eg debt , assets, cars, super etc that we were both happy with.
Eventually I met my now Husband, and he and I together bought my ex out (so we own the house together)
We’ve always maintained 50/50 shared care of our kids , initially we would do a few days on then off however after a few months we moved to week on /off. We felt this was much better suited to us and our circumstances, greater consistency for the kids etc and the work was more manageable.
All in all , if you both have the right frame of mind and agree to put the kids first, communicate it makes for a much better situation. My boys are now 10,8&6 and have the best of both worlds. They are happy going between our houses. I communicate regularly with my ex on things related to the kids. We are generally on friendly terms (not to say that things are all perfect as there are definite times where it can be challenging)
Wishing you all the best!