If police have put AVOs on a husband & wife for different incidents. Wife's is basic but husbands states he isn't allowed within 350m of the wife.
They move back in together with the children. If they have a check done will they both end up in jail? Will the kids go to there grandparents?
Please only comment if you have advice I don't want any judgement please I'm struggling with it all as it is.
AVO
AVO
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
17 Replies
If police have put AVOs on either of you it’s because they are deeply concerned for your safety.
If the AVO says one of you needs to stay 350metres away from the other, that means that living together is not an option, without violating the AVO. That means he can end up in jail.
It’s not in his, yours or the kids best interests to live together or be within 350metres of each other.
You also need to be aware that there are child protection issues here. Having contact could flag you with child protection for failing to protect your children from a domestic violence situation.
You should absolutely get legal advice specific to your situation, you should speak to a DV support organisation and you should get yourself some counselling.
Trying not to judge as you yourself know exactly how the whole idea sounds. I know you just want a 'normal' relationship but going through the motions won't get you there. Please, really look at why you find yourself needing to live with him so soon after that incident. We all know the reason he wants to, control, he needs to be on the inside to have it. I'm sure he's laid it on really thick and sweet. But what about you? If you don't take the time to become mentally strong without him now, even for a while, what will happen next time?
This "couple" should expect to face legal consequences - breaching an AVO/FVO etc is a very serious offence.
They should also expect involvement from the relevant child protection agency for obvious reasons.
It's not as serious an offence as you think. My sister and dad got AVO's out on each other and 24 hours later were having lunch together. Cops didn't care. And my sister has kids protected in the AVO. Still, the cops didn't care .
Bit different to having him living with the kids. Also what happens if cops are called to an incident? They'll care more than. Or will OP try her best not to call them? Terrible situation to put yourself in.
I can assure you, if this person's orders were put in place by police they are family violence orders not just the run of the mill AVOs or restraint orders that any man and their dog can get.
Breaching a FVO (or an IVO in some states) is not taken lightly, especially given that many of the recent tragic murders that occured due to domestic violence have had perpetrators that have had an arm full of breaches. The judicial system is cracking down on people who don't follow their orders to avoid such tragedies again!
Suggesting that breaches aren't serious based off your anecdotal evidence is not the advice this person needs right now!
Might not be what she wants to hear, but the fact is it happened in the case with my sister and dad, I'm telling you now, the cops did not care because they both chose to break the order. Doesnt make it right that they broke the order by any means, but it absolutely does happen, and yes, in some cases the cops don't give a flying shit, they've got too many real cases to get cracking on, not people who decide they want to get back together. And if there are cops who do take the breech seriously then good, they should, but believe me, many don't.
Both party’s are obliged to follow every condition set out in the order... there are legal consequences for not.
Are you really at the point of considering where your kids would go if theyre removed from you, for the sake of your relationship?
It’s a huge risk assuming the kids would go to grandparents? You may not get a choice as to where they go. It’s not just about you, you have children to think about. Their safety and their future. Don’t be selfish.
And absolutely wrong to assume that wouldn't be traumatic to them yo be removed if its to a grandparent. And wrong to think that moving him in wouldn't be traumatic to them too. It will be. Stability is what kids need. They don't need both parents under one roof. They need safety, predictability and stability.
I've taken some time to answer because honestly my first response was to judge. That's the abused kid in me, kids in danger is a flash point.
You're struggling with this because regardless of what you think, feel or want - deep down your instincts are screaming that it's wrong.
You see, healthy relationships don't have this. No cops called because there's no violence, no AVO's, DVO's, FVO's which exist for the sole purpose of protection from abuse. It's not one sided in your case, it's protection from each other. That is the epitome of toxicity right there. It's not that in other people you just don't see the abuse because everyone hides it, in the majority it's truly not there.
I can't answer your question from a legal stand point. I can say this.
I understand you want that "family" ideal for your kids, and for yourself. It's a major contributing factor in why so many women stay with men who are violent or in relationships that are toxic. Staying now will tear your family apart regardless. Maybe there will be legal repercussions, maybe your children end up traumatised and turn - either away from you for allowing it, or into abusers themselves, maybe you all end up dead. Time will tell. But if you're gong you do something about it THE TIME IS NOW. Talk to local DV counselors or get the numbers from your local police station. Get help to separate yourself and your kids from this mess. Start to build yourself back up to the woman that reads this post of yours and her first thought is "why the fuck would she want to do that", because like I said, it's in you. Your instincts are screaming it, listen to them.
I hope it goes well for you and your family mate. Reach out for help because none of us can fly solo, you do deserve to fly though.
Has it gotten so bad that you are at a point where you’re willing to sacrifice your kids for this relationship?
I bet you thought you would never be here, gradually things have got worse and here you are.
This should be the line, your kids.
I know it’s hard, you can’t think clearly and you’re addicted to this toxic relationship.
Pick. Your. Children.
As the above poster said, get your support group, reach out and when you want to talk to him, call one of them. Detox.
You’ve got this brave mumma, Google trauma bonding, it’s a killer to break free from, worse than heroine, but you can do it xxxx
It's codependency. And it's pressure. Financial, logistical, relationship. And its manipulation. You can't see how anything can work being separated. You can't make life work without him, and that's really unhealthy. And untrue. The truth is, you'll do so much better without him but he doesn't want you to find that out and you've been conditioned to believe it. You think you want him but please be healthy and independent first.
Yes absolutely, codependency. Thanks for adding that info to my comment, so very true.
I love your comment. It just helped me to realise it was codependency and what that is. When you can figure out what's going on and look at your own side of the dynamic, helps a lot.
Only the person breaching the avo would be charged. So whoever has the no contact condition in this scenario. Just go to the court and change that condition if you are back together. It sounds like you shouldn’t be together but if you are going to be that’s what you need to do. They would only take the kids if there’s ongoing violent assaults or incidents and the there’s no responsible adult in the house.