So my husband cheated on me emotionally 5 years ago. He texted, emailed shared dick and pussy pics aswell as requesting these ppl addresses for on the way home fun. He has claimed he has never met anyone of these multiple women nor has he had sexual with any. I still can’t get pass the emotional sex texts all when I thought all was good between us. I found out I busted him and he denied. After denial he claimed he did it because I didn’t give him attention. 6 months ago I found him on numerous dating sites and set up accounts to see if he was active, no response. He again claimed he did it because he knew I’d snoop. I also found he’d added snap chat to his phone and name him self a very sexual name referring to he loves to give oral. Again he claims he did t that cause I snoop. Little does he know I could see it because it come up on my phone he’s now on snap. He’s recently started hiding his phone and stating he doesn’t need it that’s why it’s never out. (Always out when I’m not around). His phone was on bedside table other day and I noticed it there whilst I was cleaning and vacuuming. He left the house hours later but before doing so he put something on top of the phone to try and trap me. CouldNt be bothered touching his phone and snooping like he states. But my gut tells me if he hides the phone reg and now sets up stupid traps, that it possibly shows he isn’t being honest about something. Thoughts??
13 Replies
He's a cheater. The type that just cheats. No reason. He just wants it and thinks he deserves it and thinks as lo ng as you don't know it doesn't hurt you. You know the truth is he doesn't mind that much if you found out and left him. Maybe he thinks he can manipulate you enough to stay. The only person that stays lo ng term will be someone like that. Be the type that walks and doesn't look back. You Do not deserve this.
He’s probably cheating, but do you really need to know that he is cheating? I mean the relationship sounds unhealthy and toxic, isn’t that enough to convince you to leave?
We don’t always get answers and waiting around for answers is just waisting time and energy that could be put into living a healthy fulfilling life.
Unhealthy and damaging to YOU ! Leave him be he is a cheater and its engrained in him . He will not change and he knows it ! Not once has he owned the shitty behaviour never mind tried to get help or alleviate your worries , he simply does not care and its disgusting his carry on ! I do not like to tell people to leave but i would i have done and i stayed too long . In this case he will probably just leave eventually or when you tell him too because he has a taste for unheathy and zero boundaries , time to forget him snd look after you and your mental health because after he is done with you , you will be a shell of a person just dead on the inside . Men like this make me sick litterally .. selfish entitled and absolute home wrecking pigs ! He has to go there is no helping him and sadly wether you stay or go you will end up hurt . Only yku get to decide now how long you want to wait around and how much of a battering your going to get emotionally and internally .. you picked wrong we all do it sometimes but when you walk only then will you really see him for what he is .. a waste of oxygen !!!!
Who cares if he's actually had a woman willing to shaggy him or not? He was willing. That's all you needed to know. But more concerning than any of this is his 'traps'. He betrayed you and now he's toying with your emotions and trying to make you the bad guy. What the actual f? If he was even a half decent person he'd be doing everything he could to regain your trust. Seriously, his behaviour is horrid and you don't deserve it. Kick him to the curb or walk away yourself, but don't put up with that.
Thats not emotional he is cheating and making out your the one to blame. I hope you can get out with little stress you deserve so much more. He is an ass.
Omg you poor thing. Setting traps after he did this to you! Of course your going to snoop and be paranoid. He is 100 percent showing signs that he’s still doing it. Get rid of him. Not all men are like this. You deserve better. Good luck
So I have been in this situation.
I found my husband on an adult website talking to other people regularly. I only found it as I was going to watch netflix on his computer, and when I typed in the address.
He's been on the site and actively talking talking to people for about a year. And I found the site about a month after our wedding.
It caused a massive fight between us, and 2 years after the issue I still have problems with it.
I chose to stick it out with him, but made it extremely clear to him that it was cheating and regardless of what he thought it was, to me he'd cheated on me.
We spoke about it quite a lot and I just made it clear to him that if it happened again (in any instance) I would be out of the door.
So if I was in your situation I would be straight out the door. Even if you didn't say what I said to your partner. Once give them a chance, but he's doing this constantly to you. Pack yourself up and out that door. Hold your head high and move on.
Good luck.
Been there, forgave but not forgot, it ate away at my soul every day from the moment I found out, destroyed any confidence I had.
He did it again 5 years later. We separated and I took responsibility for my part, forgiving him when I shouldn't have.
Now I've joined the game and having so much fun ;)
The deception and betrayal will haunt you until you deal with it, don't allow 5 years to go by, deal with it now :)
HE IS CHEATING AND TREATING YOU FOR A FOOL..HE IS SETTING YOU UP DONT LET HIM FOOL YOU. DONT CHECK HIS PHONE INSTEAD FOLLOW HIM OR BE ONE STEP AHEAD. WHAT A SCUMBAG!
Sorry your husbands a dick. The word gaslighting comes to mind. Honestly I would start over again and just leave (as scary as that sounds). If that’s not easy, seek support services to help you leave. Honestly honey h seems like a wanker and you can do better.
He is setting you up so he has a reason to leave. If you catch him cheating but find out from “snooping” it gives him an easy out because he can claim he set you up because you “don’t trust him” Oldest trick in the book.
I have a friend who suspected her spouse of having an affair. But she wasn’t sure. I asked her this question
If you had undeniable proof that he is having an affair, what are you going to do? If you’re going to leave him, then go ahead and snoop and confront him with it and tell him you are done.
If you’re not going to leave him, assume he’s faithful and go to counseling- on your own. Tell him you think he’s cheating but without proof, it’s your problem so you’re going to get help in dealing with that. Invite him to come but don’t demand it.( If he wants to stay married, he will go.)
You will need the support.
On a practical side, if you think he’s having sex with others- go get tested for ALL std’s and stop sleeping with him. Don’t put your health at risk. And whatever you do - DONT get pregnant.
I’d leave. Not even because of the suspicion of cheating- but the absolute bullshit games he’s playing. You don’t need that crap. I’m not normally one to advocate leaving btw, my husband did infact cheat on me 13 years ago, we made amends, worked through it and moved on.
But the hide of your husband to make out that he did it because you didn’t pay him attention is just rubbish. If your marriage has any chance of surviving he needs to absolutely own his own mistakes.
Phone hiding was the first sign for me. They think they’re being clever but it’s the first thing we notice.
Best of luck x
He has zero respect for you. Get yourself a good divorce lawyer and don't look back. Good luck you deserve better, hugs