Okay I’m going to try and summarise:
My partner and I have been together 10+ years, since I was 18. We now have two young children (5,3) and have the normal busy life that you would expect!
We have a great relationship, of course we have ups and downs, highs and lows. But we have a pretty solid thing.
Problem??? I have absolutely NO SEX drive. I’m not exaggerating. None, I don’t feel the need/desire/want in any regard.
Now I KNOW this isn’t fair to him, and he’s never looked elsewhere or done anything inappropriate in that sense.
However he constantly points out:
-that I used to enjoy/want sex (Not true or realistic)
-we talked about how angry he gets and how guilty he makes me feel when I don’t give in and decided he should stop pushing the subject and wait for me to initiate (the problem, I’m never initiating)
- of course my sex drive has changed over 10 years and that’s natural
- I’m a mum who constantly has kids hanging off me and in my personal space so it’s the last thing I want to do
- my body has changed a lot and while I’ve lost a lot of weight I still have lose skin, I know I’m not body confident.
- he’s also gained some weight and he’s own body has changed (I don’t mean this disrespectfully, he’s still beautiful)
- I take antidepressants that apparently effect this. (I am in the process of getting off of these to see if this changes anything, withdrawal has been hell but I’m willing to try)
But if I’m 100% honest, sex and foreplay has always been more of a chore that I faked my way through. I’m just so tired of doing this, it’s just fulfilling one more task for someone else. ( I feel horrible just writing this)
I guess what I’m wondering is, has anyone got any suggestions or been in a similar situation?
I ALSO 100% KNOW THAT THIS IS NOT FAIR ON HIM, HE DIDNT SIGN UP FOR A SEXLESS MARRIAGE AND LOGICALLY I KNOW IT IS AN IMPORTANT PART OF ANY RELATIONSHIP... I just.. I have absolutely no desire or want and I feel terrible that my partner is not getting this need met.
I could go on, I know men need that physical touch and woman want that emotional need met and we’ve spoken about how I feel he only spends time with me to get sex, but even when he makes an effort it doesn’t change my lack of sex drive.
The poor guy can’t win, I’m so worried I’m going to lose my family (inevitably) if I can’t make some changes to try and have a sex drive!
6 Replies
Do you get any time by yourself to recharge?
Would that help?
Having kids all over u and then hubby wants intimacy would be so difficult if u are lacking any alone time....
They say the more you have, the more you want.
Try that 30 day challenge that was going around a few years ago, sex every day for thirty days.
Some said it was life changing, you have nothing to lose.
I'm the same, even after being off pristiq meds for (anxiety & depression) for a year now & had a hysterectomy years ago so no contraception . I would say asexual as well, I haven't told anyone but I'm 100% sure I am asexual, maybe google/research it that's what i did, ur not alone xo
It’s normal and a horrible feeling because you wouldn’t want to make him feel worthless, but find things to stimulate yourself and find maca root herb to give yourself a bit of a boost , trust me at once stage I felt like my actual vagina was taken away that’s how dead I felt
I COULD HAVE WRITTEN THIS ALMOST WORD FOR WORD!
except i have 4 kids, 11,8 4 asd child & 2.5, & im.not on any medications.
I am mentally, emotionally and physically stuffed by the arvo. I often fall asleep first when putting them to bed.
My partner also works huge shit hours so i dont have help with the kids, housework or appointments.
Its all on me.
So when he initiates it i tend to force myself to do it. Fake it til you make it. 🤦♀️
Its shit! I hate that this is the way it is but i just have no desire for it, no want. It's causing us issues also but he doesnt understand at all 😔
I hope you work it out mama, but know you definitely arent alone.
I’m exactly the same. My kids are older, I have plenty of me time, I’ve been the the doctor, I’m not on anti depressants but I have absolutely zero sex drive. It’s been like that for probably 14 years :(
Faking desire or going along with it feels horrible... unwanted intimacy is hideous.
It affects everything else as he tries to initiate sexual contact and it’s just unwAnted.
I don’t know what to do about it as I KNOW it’s not fair but it’s my body at the end of the day and I can’t help my lack of libedo.