I'm 27 years old and still live at home with my parents and child. Prices for rentals are through the roof and just to rent here would take 95% of what I receive. I pay board, for food for everyone in the house for a week, the gas and the internet bills. I clean the house, do the washing, dishes etc. These are not an issue, I am happy to do so. The issue is my parents. For as long as I can remember they have been emotionally abusive. I was a good kid, straight A's, quiet, respectful, helpful. They have always burned my relationships with people. When I was a kid I was never allowed to go to the park or to people's houses which resulted in me not being asked, I resent them for this as now I struggle immensely with forming and maintaining any sort of relationship. They're always belittling me and making me feel like the worst person ever. I feel so much pain inside when they do this that it radiates down my arms and into my palms. I cannot express my emotions as they've told me how useless, lazy and pathetic I am which has resulted in me turning into a shell and just sitting there and copping it. I feel like I've never felt love. I was never cuddled or told they were proud of me. How do I cope? It's affecting my relationship with my daughter. I just push her away and feel like I'm nothing. The daily screaming, stress and fear I feel each day that I'm going to do something to set them off is really getting to me. I don't drive because they refuse to teach me how, yet I dream of the day I can escape with my daughter and never see them again. Someone please help me. I'm so scared and lost.
How do I deal with my emotionally abusive parents?
How do I deal with my emotionally abusive parents?
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage, Mental Health
14 Replies
Ring 1800 respect and get out of there! Get a job to be able to live away from home and move to somewhere with cheaper rentals. They should be able to help u with all of this!
You need a complete change. You are co dependant on them and it also sounds like one of them is a narcissist, co dependence and narcissism go hand in hand.
You shouldn't live where your parents are, to completely break free you need to get far away. Start researching towns and suburbs that are affordable and have everything you need within walking distance. Look at your states bond assistance and get pre approval. Start looking for a small furnished unit. The sooner you leave the sooner you can start living your life. The longer you stay the more you will just sit around thinking you can't do anything.
I think you've invented a roadblock thinki ng that living alone will be worse than this, even impossible. Its not at all.
Stop blaming them. Yes they sound like arseholes but now you're an adult and you get to make the decisions about your life and who you want to be. Stop letting them control how you feel about yourself and life, and start living the way you want to. Find someone else to teach y oiu how to drive. Call help lines and see what other organisations can help you to move out on your own. And no longer let them be the excuse as to why you feel so shit about yourself. Put your mind to it, and you'll kick goals.
It sounds easy but it is really hard after that long. If she stands up to them, they will most probably boot her out. They are probably using this to manipulate her. I’m sure if she could move out she would love to. She needs to be firm with them and not take it. Remove herself as much as possible by going out with her daughter. They sound toxic and probably won’t take her standing up to them too well. People like this believe they are the perfect parents.
They probably don’t even know how bad they are. People like this don’t take being stood up to well and treat you like you are criticising them. They still treat her like a 5 year old with rules. They don’t get that she’s grown up. My mum is the same. Always yelling at me carrying on, no matter what I do it’s wrong. I don’t live with her and have learnt to distance myself now and if she says anything on the phone that criticises me in anyway, I tell her what I think then I hang up. I don’t have to put up with it just because she is my mum. It’s all about control.
Geez if only life was that easy. You don’t know her circumstances. After this long the poor girl is so used to them. She wouldn’t know what was wrong or right. I agree with you but her parents are to blame. She shouldn’t have to be treated like this just because she is living with them.
It's not your place, I don't mean there in their home but in the area you're in. A lot of us started off in cheap ass rentals in less affluent suburbs (or in our case in small regional towns) and you'll work your way up to a better place.
You'll never be in a position to heal yourself while you're in the same situation and you're already starting to perpetuate the same cycle onto your daughter. Time to get out.
And I get how daunting that seems. I was raised in a family where women didn't drive, they were treated like doormats and did what was expected - or else. I left with no idea who or what the hell I was and no expectations beyond ending up someone's possession to spit out kids.
I was young and dirt poor when I fell pregnant with my son, luckily his dad is a really good person. He taught me to drive, helped me out by organising for me to buy his grandmas car for cheap and that was the start of the fiercely independent woman I am today.
You'll get there, you'll be better than ok no matter the tough times ahead. You've just got to get out there and believe in yourself.
You poor girl. You could start by embracing your daughter, giving her affection, tell her how amazing she is. Remember every time you push her away she will grow up feeling like you did and you don’t want that. Be everything for your little girl that your parents weren’t for you. Just because you live there you don’t have to take it. Stand up to them. They are ruling you and you are probably doing most things by their approval and living their way but you don’t need to. Make your own decisions and try to block their toxic ways out. I’d say it’s how they’ve been raised and they may not realise how bad they are and how it has affected you.
Pack up your little girl and find somewhere to stay. Tell them on the way out what you think of it and how much they have damaged you or even write a letter and leave it. Cut ties with them until they can treat you right and respect your boundaries. If you have no where to go or someone else to stay with then, ring the abuse hotline and ask for some advice and help. They sound controlling and manipulative. Don’t give them any more control of your life.
Shared housing is affordable & plenty of single mums do it. Centrelink can help & seeing your GP about a mental health plan to get therapy about your issues with parents.. also you’re 27.. you don’t need them to teach you how to drive. Good luck!
Save, save, save wherever you can and move you and your child to another area. A new area with a fresh start for you both.
Research areas that have reasonable rent and good public transport available.
Focus on obtaining a driver's license down the track when you have settled in.
You can do this, believe in yourself and be kind to yourself.
Do one thing each day with your daughter that is meaningful. Eg. Snuggle up and read a book together, go outside before bed and search for stars together, have her paint your nails. Little things to help you feel connected to her again.
I would also suggest going to your gp and requesting a health plan to see a counsellor or similar to help you build your mental strength to get out of this situation.
Sorry my response is so jumbled up but it may help you to make a list and prioritise wants and needs and work your way through them.
You can do this ❤️
You could seek help from a family service in your area and talk to them about the abuse and see if they can help you get out of there and find independence. You don't have to be alone with all this. Services are there to support you. You can also try a family violence service, because it is a case of abuse. Write back here and let people know what state and area you are in so they can give more concrete advice about what services might be there. Good luck.