Please help.
My ex is controlling and I am beginning to think he is very dangerous.
He has somehow gained access to my email, messenger, Facebook.
He has admitted having access but won't tell me how.
So I locked it all down.
He is ultra paranoid about any male friends I have.
Today he has messagesd me saying that a friend of his who is a cop is going to give him transcripts of my messenger messages and if all is ok he won't go after full custody of the children.
I lost it saying how dare he think he has the right to do this. He did the standard thing of . Well if you have nothing to hide.
It's not about that. It's my privacy. It's my friends privacy.
I am anxious and he just keeps saying it's cause you have something to hide.
It's not. I feel violated and I can't explain it. I am just a mess.
He has told me he asked a friend to watch me. Until the friends wife banned him
But he must gave done this as at times he knew what time I got home..or if I was out the front of my house.
I am really feeling scared at the moment. I know it may seem like over reaction..
I don't have any family to talk to about it..
I am feeling like I am paranoid and crazy. I want to delete messenger but this will make him angry as I am hiding things.
I don't even know why I care .. He has this hold over me.
This is what he sent me:: have taken names out of my friends.
My friend is a cop I will get him to look at
C J and R and 3 others that I wont mention.
So after lunch when he said hed meet me cause his in the citu his going to give me their social media transcripts.
if I'm satisfied that the relationship you have With these Men are sound and they are friends ( which personally still scratching my Head as to why so many) then I'll let this Paranoid burn go and won't go after custody.
20 Replies
Take all of this to the police. Keep any messages he sends you.
Ok. First, he's probably bluffing, but I'd get a new phone or a tech to look at your current one. It's easy for someone to clone it & get access to everything you do.
Talk to the police. Show them the messages. Alert them about the so-called checking by a police officer (again, probably a lie).
A police officer can't just access people's social media info without a reason or court order. They can't just magically break in either - probably just see public profiles. They shouldn't even access police records on you or your friends.
Consider talking to a solicitor about an avo. Include contacting or being in proximity. get in contact with a support agency. He'll likely threaten custody or whatever he can because this is purely about control.
Log everything. Download messages. If a custody dispute arises you'll need evidence to prove him wrong. Be strong & don't engage in his game. He gets off on the control & your response.
I’d be going straight to police.
Then I’d be getting a new phone, new number, new email address and deleting Facebook.
Don’t engage with him. If he wants something, he can speak to a solicitor.
First thing police will do is probs put in a temporary AVO or consider giving him a warning
He is full of shit. Take it to the police x
Go to the police. The ex is bluffing but you need protection.
Original poster.
He messaged me with information from texts from years ago. A relationship I had before him
I.dont kmow how. I am now just so upset
I would go to the police and say "my ex has somehow read my private messages, he claims his policeman friend is accessing my messenger and my friends messages for him. What can i do about this?" Show them all of his messages. I doubt that his policeman friend is doing this as it would be a difficult process, no one can access your messages just for the fun of it, not even the police. They have to have an open investigation and have paperwork. They may have a look into his claims and tell you what to do from there. You might need an avo against him because he's causing fear. I would also change everything, Facebook, email, phone number the lot.
He probably had an old SIM card or something. You need to keep going to the police with these msgs, he is breaching his avo.
Take yourself to a police station, a police station where his friends do not work. Get an AVO out on him. Cut contact via anything but email. Do not engage. He cannot get full custody becasue you get a new partner. He can not get full custody becasue you have male friends. He cannot get full custody because he thinks you’re with someone else. The only way he’s going to get full custody is if you are neglecting and abusing your child and you are not meeting their needs and CPS needs to be involved.
Change your passwords to a phrase. Not like the whole phrase but something like MEIAPOSaIHHmFG1
(My ex is a piece of shot and I hate his MOther Fucking Guts 1)
Becasue the only reason he can even access your shit is if you’re using information that he knows. Make sure you get mobile verification on so the code must come up on your phone to log in. Make sure you go and get your computer virus checked and cleaned, get a new phone and transfer your SIM card only and nothing else no photos and definitely don’t up load your old stuff on there start a fresh even with the cheapest phone you can find. Go into your privacy settings and make sure his number and email address are not attached to your recovery access.
My ex once put a key logger onto my computer, hacked my Facebook and my messenger and that’s when I had to resort to changing my passwords to something completely different that he’d never ever figure out. It worked and it all stopped when he got a new girlfriend.
My ex is a cop so for the record no one cop can just casually download anyone’s messanger information. There is a process for any police to gather that information. By all means they can go look at your Facebook page and see what’s public and can do what they wish with that but that’s only because it’s public
I’d say if your current ex has mentioned prior texts/messages from your past ex then it’s likely because he saw them at a time in the past or are present still in messanger (if it was via messanger).
I’d lock down your account, make it so that you need a code to access it sent to your mobile. Check to see which devices are still active on your account, deactivated them. I’d block him and any friends likely to cause issues. I wouldn’t change your number, you have children to him, but I also wouldn’t respond to them either. If he calls ignore it let it go to voice mail.
Go to the police, show them the messages. Talk about the option of a Protection order. You generally seem afraid and that’s enough. If he keeps texting, calling then breach him. Document it all.
The only reason I don’t say change your number or close your Facebook is because you e probably lost a lot all ready ending the relationship. Why lose your contacts, or have to let them know a new phone number. Chances are when it all goes to court he’ll at the least be required to have a contact number. In what case you’ve achieved nothing but the hassle of getting a new number. Same goes with closing Facebook, you risk to lose friends, family, tagged memories, photos etc etc. that’s not fair on you. Use the options Facebook has to secure your account to minimise his chances of regaining access to it.
I mean it’s likely his cop mate ‘could’ access police data base for information on you (address, fines blah blah) but doing so risks his job. I’d mention it to the police and they can see if anyone has accessed your police file. In which case if it has an investigation into this would be forthcoming. I’d also go to a station outside of the one his mate works at to protect your privacy, in the sense that the mate would need to know you’ve been to a station to recheck you file as to why and then inform your ex. It’s likely his mate may have done this, but as I said this would be noted in entry log and serious questions would be raised ethically and legally.
Best of luck honey xx
Op again.
I left because of dv. There is an avo he just doesn't care. That's why the friend watches me and not him
He has court soon 5 charges.
Keep reporting all communication that’s a breach. They courts don’t take kindly to complete ignorance of the law. Especially in light of all recent deaths due to DV
I doubt it’s his friend. You need to tell the police and show the msgs. Do not reply to him.
He is saying his friend watches you but it would be him. He knows he will be locked up. Ignore any communication with him and go to the police with the msgs until they listen. Ring them everyday if you have to. Don’t give up.
Hi OP, have you been to see the police? Keep us updated x
He sounds like a siko. Go to the police and explain how scared you are. He is bluffing you by the way, he won’t have a mate who is a cop who will give him transcripts. He is just trying to scare you. You have to be strong here and not enter into any game with him. Ignore anything like this, he wants you to acknowledge him and his stupid msgs. Be strong and ignore him. It’s prob him watching your house. he sounds like a nut job and a liar and narcissist. Get in first with the police & explain how scared you are. But I can assure you he would be bluffing you about all this. He just wants control. Don’t reply to him. It’s none of his business anyway who you msg.
You need to document
Make copies
Get a new phone
Omg you poor thing.
Can you just have contact about kids?
Go see someone that deals with domestic violence.
His cop friend wouldn’t risk his career and do something so dumb. So he’s talking shit about that. If he hacked your account anybody can so even if he somehow downloaded your messages while he had access you would just deny the content.
Police station TODAY. On the back of the recent Hannah Clark tragedy this should be taken seriously. This is harassment & intimidation.
You are NOT over reacting!! Keep screen shots of all messages and take them to a lawyer and the police. Also don’t respond or react. He is a narcissist and is feeding off your fear! Change all your passwords for social media if you haven’t already. He sounds a terrifyingly controlling and you need to make sure you and your children are safe from him. When you go to the police tell them you are afraid and make them put that in the report! I REPEAT - make them write that in your report!!!!
Side note: when the poor soul went missing in Byron Bay the police wanted Facebook to give them access to his messenger to see who had messaged him. Facebook ruled that it went against their privacy policy and refused. He is bluffing about “his mate, the police officer” giving him transcripts of your messages. It’s more likely he has access himself and doesn’t want to incriminate himself.