I’m currently living through DV and have been for the past 5 years... I know I need to
Leave and I’m trying to get my mind and strength together. I just need to know so I can stop doubting myself...
I’ll be so hell bent on how horrible he is and violent one day... then at night I find myself questioning ‘am I overreacting and being a sook’ ‘is he really that bad’
Please tell me these thoughts are normal or am I really overreacting.
Thankyou
6 Replies
Totally normal and keeps you from leaving. It's a horrible cycle. If you are questioning it then yes it is DV. I kept telling myself "It's not that bad. He doesn't hit me" because he would say horrible things to me but there was no physical scars.
I stayed for 9 years. Recently separated. I'm scared but I'm FREE!! No one to put me down, I don't walk on eggshells anymore. I have so much personal work to do to build myself up but its good.
Life without an asshole is good.
Where are you located? Im in NSW, lets chat :)
Well firstly, You havent doubted yourself at all. You acknowledged at the start of your post that you are living through DV. Then by the end of your post you totally changed to questioning yourself.
The first half of your post is your situation. The strong woman with no self doubt. Not the last half. You started strong then became vulnerable and unsure just like your days are.
If you start second guessing, you'll never leave. Never second guess DV. Do not pity him.
I look at it this way, regardless of whether or not he's "really that bad", he's bad enough that you have many of those moments where you're done with him.
It's scary, more than anything it's scary knowing that if you go you're doing it on your own but there's a long list of women that have done it before you and there will be many more behind you. When self doubt gets to the point it cripples your ability to act it's time to bring in the professionals. They can help build you back up.
Honestly there isn’t a lot of info in this post to determine but the fact that you consider it a possibility I’d say it is likely and not an overreaction. Step one for me if I could go back again and stop what I went through sooner... make an appointment with your Dr and discuss it! It’s confidential and is just the start of you getting help. Go in and give facts without sugarcoating it. They can refer you to services and help you clear your mind and see things for what they are. I wish you all the best ❤️
Since 2015 I have lived through DV. We spent most of last year co-parenting well and he would stay over on weekends (as he sleep on the floor in his Mums house and had nowhere to take the kids for visits). Then on Saturday he lost it and when I asked him to leave he refused. I, like you then process 50million emotions but as usual I got police involved, got him removed and have had time to think. I still am not 100% sure on anything other than I can’t keep living this way. I am tired. I just want a boring normal life and with him it will never be that. I have made a decision and know it will be hard to stick to but it is the best thing. Domestic violence messes up our thinking and we get so used to things that are not normal. I pray for you. I pray for me. I pray peace for anyone in this.
I will strongly advise you seek counselling. Someone who is experienced in dealing with DV. They can help you with your feelings. Often the perpetrator of DV is very skilled at making the victim feel like its "all in their head" and "overreacting", but yournfeelings concerns and fears are ALL VALID.
Start with seeing your GP for a mental health plan and for a recommendation of who to see. You need to build yourself a team of support. So when you imagine yourself facing this next necessary step, you can picture your team right behind you! Speak to your trusted family and friends, and add them to your team. And remember, you're stronger than you realise. You can do this. Xx