I love my partner, but I also love my ex. My ex and I have been chatting for a while, he's saying all the right things, he loves me, he wants us, he wants the future we planned years ago, etc.
My partner is a lovely man, he asked me to marry him this week. We've got a future planned.
I love them both. My heart is telling me one thing and my mind is saying the complete opposite.
How do I decide?
19 Replies
If you really loved your partner you wouldn’t be talking to your ex. Sorry honey
I don't think you should be with either of them. Your ex is an ex for a reason and that will all come back to you if you get back together and the honeymoon period wears off. You also can't love your partner if you're talking to your ex. You are just wasting everyone's time.
Break up with both of them. You are not ready to get married and the guy that proposed deserves a partner who won’t have an emotional affair with someone else.
The other guy, has zero morals if he’d start this nonsense while he knows you are in a relationship with someone else.
It’s time to get real with yourself and grow up.
I'll be completely blunt with you.
You're not mature enough to be marrying your current partner because you're still too emotionally invested in your ex and you're allowing him to pull you into this fantasy. I'd nearly go as far as saying what you're doing with your ex is emotional cheating.
Have a think about what this says about your exes moral compass too.
Right now, he's shamelessly trying to pursue a person (you) that he is well aware is in a serious, committed relationship.
Clearly fidelity isn't too high up on his priority list.
I dunno, mate. I think you've got a lot of soul searching and growing up to do before you make any life altering decisions with either man.
Your ex is saying all the right things but what are his actions saying? Why did you split in the first place?
It’s a hard one!!
Be honest with your partner, as I feel this is cheating, even if nothing physical has happened between you and your ex.
Good luck on whatever you decide..
If you loved either of them you would be in this position. Walk away from both as they both deserve better than what you can give them. Definitely not ready to commit to a partner let alone a husband
Your poor partner. I hope you say no and leave. He thinks you live him but you're talking about having a life with another man.
If one was the one you truly love, you wouldn’t be “choosing” or weighing up options.
You had no business starting a new relationship and bringing an innocent man into this mess.
You really need to grow up.
Finish something completely and finally before starting something new.
Your ex is an ex for a reason. Doesnt mean you wont always love him. Acknowledge that but more importantly acknowledge thay he is in the past for a reason. Keep it that way. Do not talk to him.
As for your recently new fiance, think hard and deep about what the hell you want. And if its not him, walk away before you break his heart any more. If its just a case of rose coloured glasses from this bloody ex, then take them off and start giving your all to the relationship you're supposed to be commited to.
How does the meme go. Don’t waste too much time looking back your not headed that way.
If your relationship didn’t work the first time. Don’t give up something lovely for the sake of something that already failed.
I had a similar predicament 10 years ago (wasn’t engaged to the new guy but dating) I went with the new and have never looked back. He doesn’t talk about what it takes or what he will do or change he gets in day after day and does what’s needed for our family. don’t trust people’s words trust their treatment of you and their actions.
Good luck mumma
You ex is an ex for a reason. Don’t be cruel to your partner now. If you feel this way the don’t marry him. I’m sure it probably just the attention you are liking but you will lose a good man.
The grass is greener where you water it. Stop watering the grass with your ex and water the grass with your fiance.
Your moral compass is certainly non existent and I think that's disgusting, not only do you lack respect for your fiance but you lack self respect. Quit talking to your ex quit the emotional cheating and give your fiance what he deserves because right now you clearly do not deserve him and he deserves better. Harsh but every bit of truth.
I've been where u are...
And guess what?
Truth was i didn't love either of them, i was just too chicken shit to be on my own. I'll own that. I was a shitty person, and i was hurting in so many ways, and my mental health was all over the place. Both those boys filled a void in my mind, that fact was, i needed to learn to fill myself. In the end, 3 ppl were hurt by my selfish and childish actions, and we all ended up miserable. I was young (19) immature, childish, selfish, messed up and stupid. Don't decide on either. Walk away. Give both those men the chance to move on and find someone who actually loves them and wants them, not just needs them to fill their ego bucket. And go do some serious soul searching of yourself, and find a way to be happy with yourself. To like yourself... only them can u move on to find the person u should be with... hint... its neither of these boys
Your ex now wants you because you’re unavailable. My ex did this to me. He was my first love, he cheated on me multiple times but I kept forgiving him because I was so head over heals. Eventually he called it off and I was absolutely heartbroken. It took me a long time to get over him, we stayed in contact (mutual friends) and I was begging him to give it another shot for a good 6 months after we split. Eventually around 18 months after we broke up I started dating again and around another 6 months after that I met my now husband. Around 4 months in things we’re getting serious quickly etc. I had never had a partner so emotionally available before and was really falling for him. Due to our mutual friends this got back to my ex. All of a sudden he wanted me back, he wanted to give it another shot, I was the love of his life etc. I’ll be honest, I did seriously consider it because I wasn’t completely over him at that point but something stopped me. 13 years later I’m happily married with 2 kids and my ex is still up to his same old tricks, can’t commit, cheats on every girlfriend he has etc. I definitely made the right decision.
I was previously married but still in love with my ex. I tried to make my marriage work because ultimately I wasn't in it 100%. I left him and got back with my ex. The outcome I'm married to my ex we've been together 10 years and have 2 kids. I've never been happier.
Honestly I too had reservations and you know what you get out what you put in the relationship. If you’re 2 timing your current partner now 🤷🏻♀️ Why would you think it’s going to work? Literally there is a reason why the breakup occurs and you need to question why did it happen. I still love my ex to an extent because he is the father of my child, I love my partner currently but because I’m with him I will always think he’s more annoying because he will keep making mistakes that will irritate me where as I just have the history with my ex and the idea of him which is why I wouldn’t go back with an ex. Breakups mean something
I think the fact that you’re talking to your ex in this way means you’re not actually in love with your partner.
You need to end it, it’s not fair on him. He obviously loves you more than you love him.
Your ex loves you because he sees you happy and wants that. The minute you end things with your partner and go be with the ex, he will get tired of you and become an ex again.
Move forward.
How does your partner feel about you being in touch with your ex?
My partner knows an ex tried reconnecting recently because "he missed me."
Truth is he was just causing trouble, was jealous I was in a better place mentally after he threw my heart against a wall 3 years ago and he was feeling sorry himself thinking I was still open to getting back together with him.
I politely listening to his emotional speech and his "all the right words." My partner did too. And we just looked at each other and said, you know he hasn't changed and we have.
If you cannot be completely transparent about things, you need to think about your current circumstances and move on. This isnt healthy and I just humoured my ex and was quite sadistic in hurting him in telling him I have no feelings for him or regrets because I was happy where I am now and 100% not prepared to give up my life to go back to stroking his ego ever again.
My partner and I are moving forward and have no secrets. If you haven't spoken to your partner about your ex, because you dont want to hurt/get into trouble...
... you're virtually cheating. Think.
This!! I’m a single mum, this is #relationship goals.