My partner has 3 school age kids and I have 1, week on, week off. We’ve been living together nearly a year. My child is fairly well behaved, she’s very respectful and has excellent manners. As any child, she has her moments and is punished if I consider she was being out of line.
I don’t know if my partner is just use to the craziness but his youngest two can be nightmares! The screaming, crying, one has absolutely no manners, both will argue with me about the simplest things and I even have faces pulled at me.
I’ll admit, I never was meant to have 4 kids. I am use to my one! But I love him and I know this is a package deal so how do I deal with their behaviors?
I spoke to him a few weeks ago about how I was feeling and that I need his support as I am finding by the end of the week, I don’t want to be anywhere near them. I don’t think he believes their behavior is that bad but I don’t see why I should be treated so disrespectfully. It’s not my job to punish them, is it?
7 Replies
A lot will depend on the ages of the children. If these are primary school age then yes you should discipline them when needed.
If they are school age, does he discipline them for these things? Does he back you up?
Are they in your care more than they are in his care? If so that probably needs to change. Just because you live together doesn’t make you the ‘unpaid nanny with benefits’ and he needs to understand that.
They sound like normal kids to me but are pushing their limits with you. One kid is so much different to having more than one. When all the kids are together you need to consider yourself a mum of 4, even if its just in your head. So they need to be treated all the same. I believe if they have been rude or misbehave to you then you can discipline them. So next time they argue with you don't wait for Dad to do something, you do it yourself. The best thing to do before it even gets to that stage is avoid the bad moods, are you trying to be too bossy? Are you introducing too many rules that they previously didn't have? All of these things need to be honestly looked at to see if there's anything that could be antagonizing the behavior.
They sounds fairly normal. And id say they are testing you to see what boundries you have and how you will differ to their parents. You need to talk to your partner about discipline and what you both find acceptable and start putting some boundries in pkace especially beforr the hit teen years.
You sound a bit negative about step children all together and maybe they sense it. They can probably tell youre at the end of your tether by the end of the week, so they just keep pushing the buttons. Time to not let them get to you, have some clear boundries that your partner and you agree on, and stick to them.
I have one as well, it’s quiet and easy.
When you add another, there’s someone to fight with, add two and it’s crazy.
I personally couldn’t get involved with a guy with three young kids 50/50, I know my limitations.
I’m sure if you really love this guy, you can work this out together, you will get used to it if it’s something you really want.
My partner is really supportive of us both being the kids parents and both are to be respected not just him being their biological parent. There is 6 all together and they all get treated the same. Whichever one of us is there at the time and they are acting up for will do the punishing. We do a talking to and time outs. I will smack my own children as they are a lot younger, but don’t his. With his work schedule they are with me a lot more, school mornings, pick ups and afternoons when they all act up the most. So waiting for dad to get home for any punishment just let’s them know they will get away with anything in my care. Same rules and punishments apply no matter who they are with! The same as if they are being looked after by family and act up they will get the same punishment as they would with us. Consistency will hopefully stop the majority of the acting up
sounds like you need to make sometime to get to know them
Surely if they are living with you half the time and you’re all in the same house then both of you should be parenting all of them TOGETHER. You and your partner need to sit down and agree on a set of house rules and basic standards of behaviour and you both make sure all the kids follow these and back each other up. There are standards and expectations and everyone has to be on the same page and all kids have consequences. I think a parenting course would be useful, and for your partner to understand that letting kids behave badly and disrespect you or him is very bad for them and will produce insecure and unhappy kids.