I need help please

Anon Imperfect Mum

I need help please

so I feel I’m being gaslighted again so can someone help me figure how this is logical?

I was in a DV relationship and that DV cycle kept happening, the I’m sorry I love you it won’t happen again thing, then it’s good then it happens again.

So I move away 2 hours north after being hit yet again got an AVO but made it so his daughter was not on there, and he could come near me to access his daughter.
He has left before and she didn’t cope well. So it’s scared me into making sure she sees him.
I moved to where I have friends and family to break this cycle I had no support down there.

I found a house and transferred my job the kids are in school and little one in daycare.

I put on paper that our daughter goes to him every weekend even though he’s not there for one day of that weekend, I’ve stuck to it even though my baby is exhausted from all of the driving she needs to see her dad she really loves him to pieces and he has never hurt her only me and my older kids.

I’ve asked for 3 weekends in a month but he won’t budge.

He came to me with a proposal “I’ll pay your break lease your moving expenses and half your rent for a year if you move back to Sydney.” I said “well if you can afford all of that why can’t you get a house closer?”

My response was No!
Which was then met with damage to my garage door and me having him shut me between the door to the house and the Frame with my kids screaming getting worried he was hurting me.

I didn’t breach him on this because I have tried before and the police say there weren’t witnesses other than the kids we can make a note but can’t breach him.

I told him “I have kids settled and I’m not moving down” I said “you move up to make it easier on the baby.”

he lives with his parents in western Sydney and has a job in The shire.
his mum is sick but his sister is her carer through Centrelink she lives in the same suburb.
My question is who do you think should move to make it easier on our daughter?
He even got his best friend on the phone who actually agreed it should be me that moves because the baby was born down there!! huh??
Am I wrong or should he be the one to make it easier on our daughter or me?
I feel like I’m going insane I just want to go to mediation to end all of this crap but I know he won’t agree to 3 weekends a month And he lives there rent free so I can see that’s a factor in him pushing me to move. I really feel nuts after the fact he’s getting friends to tell me he is in the right?
Please help me?

Btw I am applying for the AVO to be changed that he has to meet me at McDonald’s for pick ups. Not near my house.

Posted in:  Relationships & Marriage

9 Replies

Anon Imperfect Mum

Do not move!

Stay where you are and report every breach!

Don’t take the calls from his side.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

Do not move. Let him force you through formal channels.
Only talk to him via text or email. Do not answer the phone. Do not listen to his friends, there opinions do not count.
Get legal advice ASAP. You need to understand the laws in regards to custody and I don’t think you do right now.
Do not try and negotiate changes yourself. You need professional help.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

Stay put lovely, you’ve been through enough ❤️

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Anon Imperfect Mum

Does he know where you live? If so, yeh I'd move again within the area your already in and NOT tell him this time.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

On paper, it would look as though it should be you since youre the one who moved from him. So he is going to send you crazy, thinking youre going crazy by telling you its your obligation.

Repeat after me, he is abusive. To you and your older children. You have a AVO on him. You moved to escape him.
Do
Not
Move
Back

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Anon Imperfect Mum

Moving slightly off your subject you say "he has never hurt her. Only me and the older kids". How old are we talking and what did he do to them? Anyone that can and has hurt a child shouldn't have unsupervised weekend access imo, whether they are his kids or not that should not make a difference. If he has an uncontrolled temper towards children he should not be allowed free access!

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Anon Imperfect Mum

Calm down a bit and make sure you show your kids how to act calmly and decisively when they are faced with difficult situations. If you blow this up too much in your head you will do more damage to your daughter than if she just didn't see him at all.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

Can I just say how happy I am that you recognised the behaviour. It's an early step in breaking free from him controlling you.

Most certainly don't move back, your daughter could be tired from a multitude of things but unlikely to be the travel.

Report every instance of abuse. Keep a journal of date, time, what happened, any witnesses.

Making him meet you publicly is a good call.

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Anon Imperfect Mum

Do not move. Stay where you are. Breach him all acts of violence. Only do bi weekly weekends, not 3 weekends. Stop feeling responsible for his decisions. Put communication boundaries in place. Change changeover to the day car centre and a public place. Try to remove his access to you and seeing you. Please go to www.mckenziefriend.org.au.

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