Is there such a thing as that “one person” ?
Recently met a man, completely out of the blue, lots in common, ridiculous amount in common when it comes to the likes of living styles & cooking methods for example. We’ve been on a few dates over the last two weeks & he keeps saying he’s 100% invested and thinks I’m the one person on this world for him. Is this possible? The connection is absolutely unlike anything I’ve ever seen nor experienced. His touch is electric. I don’t know what to make of it? He’s not the type of man I’ve ever been with in the past (three failed relationships, one of those a 10 year marriage). We are both approaching late thirties. We both know what we want but I guess I keep double guessing it as he seems too good to be true. Has anyone else met someone like this? At the moment just going with the flow, but finding myself quite reserved too.
7 Replies
A lot of people talk about the one and it’s a common idea.
Personally I don’t think there is ‘the one’ I think there are a number of ones. A handful of people who would be a fantastic partner for me specifically. It’s a matter of who you meet and when.
What you are describing is what people refer to as ‘chemistry’, it can be fantastic but don’t let it cloud your judgement. Chemistry can be amazing but that doesn’t necessarily reflect in the health of a relationship. For example, a person in my past and I have amazing chemistry but we are toxic and should never be in a relationship together. We both loose our brains and get too hurt by each other and do stupid stuff when we are together.
Is it possible for him to know so quickly? Maybe, maybe not. Some people seem to feel like this every year about someone new. Sometimes it’s a red flag for DV and sometimes it all works out.
Personally if someone declared to me they knew after a handful of dates I’d be creeped out!
My advice, I’d take it very slow. It all may turn out fine but if he is the right one he will be happy to take it slow and wait a bit. If you find him trying to rush through relationship milestones (meeting the kids, moving in, combining finances etc) then you need to set your boundaries and hold them. If he pressures you, RUN.
He’s a stranger.....two options:
1. Manipulative people do what’s known as mirroring, make you feel like you are soul mates. All your interests/value are theirs, it was just meant to be! They also come on very strong at the beginning with declarations of love, when in reality, they hardly know you, how could they know you’re the one?
2. You really are very similar, he’s very excited, perhaps a little immature and says you’re the one for him, way too soon. You slow things down a bit, things settle, you find your rhythm and two likeminded people enjoy a long term relationship.
If you want to know which he is, start saying no and putting up some boundaries. Number one won’t respect them, will push, coerce, number two may be a little disappointed with a no but will respect it. Good luck x
Also, very important what the poster above said, don’t let him push you through the relationship milestones!!
I feel like when people say "its too good to be true" always wound up being, it was too good to be true.
Sounds like lust. Electric feels, massive connections... he sounds just as swept up in it as you do.
Thats okay. Have some fun. Enjoy it.
Sometimes it lasts. And sometimes it doesnt.
Doesnt mean you cant enjoy it for what it is now...
Only time will tell. Enjoy it but still take due time as fakers fake really well, and the more quickly you move the more invested you are and harder it is to get out when the mask slips after a while.
Yes. I do believe in the one. But I think there is more than 1 person in the whole world you could find it with. I think if you're lucky enough to find someone you click with (not easy), it's the decision to commit to them (and having the decision reciprocated) that makes them 'the one'. If he sees enough in common with you to make that decision, he might just be sure of who he is and confident that you aren't hiding a deal breaking trait. But you aren't his person if you don't (and won't in time) see him that way.
Absoultely there is and you are extremely lucky if you find one.
I found mine 30 years ago and we're still going strong :)
Good luck xx