So my partner has a child to someone else. They lived in Cairns and she left him to move back to her family to Darwin when the baby was six months old. He has his business and property here and planned on living here forever but now he has been travelling back and forth for the past five years. We had his daughter for approx 70% of the time living with us until just recently.
Dur to money demands, the mother didn't let us have the child for longer than 6 days at a time until the child support plan was in place. It says now that we had his daughter 14% of the time.
However what im trying to get at is, that she is starting school soon and even though the mother agreed for her to visit school in Cairns, she enrolled her last year in Darwin.
We went to different lawyers and they said there is not much we can do about it.
So I was wondering if there is anything we can do for the blackmailing situation.
The mother sometimes expects him to still treat her like his partner. She is frustrated that she buys him gifts for occasions and that he doesn't, she is frustrated to having to wait at the airport for an hour because when he flies to Darwin she picks him up and entertains him in his 4h + wait. He usually payd her lunch and fills up her car to be nice but nothing seems nice enough.
The other day we had our last day with a. And she wanted to desperately see a movie. So we went into the cinemas. Her mum had a waiting time of 1.5h at the airport so we decided to watch the movie and then drop a off it worked out to be that mum had to wait 30 min. At airport for us. After just arriving, she bombed my partners phone with calls and messages, how dare he goes to a movie without even asking her and that she has to wait now at the airport. Mind you the movie was starting way before mum even arrived.
So we had to leave the cinema without watching the movie to the end, headed to the airport and she just took a and said goodbye. All I p she had to wait 25 min.
Ever since this incident she is not answering her phone. These two have an arrangement to call A twice EVERYDAY. IF HER EVER doesn't answer his phone there will be a massive drama but yet she can do it anytime. He wants to fly down for a first school day and mum said that she is sick of being treated like an outsider and that he can go and cancel his flights.
We are at a loss of what to do. It seems like all right lay with the mother. Whenever something doesn't suit her, she shuts off and uses the little one to lever the way he treats her. She gets him to send extra money, she gets him to buy everything needed for school, she gets him to invite her for lunch but yet nothing is ever enough. I feel very uneasy with this entire situation because he is a good dad and I don't think it's right for mum to make this personal and decide when he can see his daughter and when he can't. Is there anything that we can put in place to stop this blackmailing?
He is allowed to have her half of every school holiday but he also flies there on weekends to visit her and her mum calls those visit a ' favour'
But is it really a favour, isn't that his right?
All I know is that it just sucks to be giving in all the time and give her everything she wants. We tried going to mediation but because of child support payments, she won't raise the 14% unless we go to court and it would take all her education money that we put aside. I just want some peace and not a moody man that's upset all the time
7 Replies
I’m not sure why the lawyers told you there isn’t much you can do? I’d get a second opinion, most lawyers would be suggesting getting court orders in place as a starting point.
What’s the point of education money if doesn’t have a healthy relationship with his daughter. The child would rather he fought to have a good relationship and spend time with her dad.
I don’t know any child in the world as an adult or child who wouldn’t want there dad to sort this crap out.
This is quite confusing. But if their arrangement is that he gets half of every school holidays then extra weekends are a favour.
And to be honest he absolutely should help out with the cost of raising his daughter.
So you left her at an airport waiting 25mins and still didn’t see the full movie? Lucky you didn’t stay for the whole time. That’s pretty rude.
I also think it’s lovely that she takes her daughter to buy gifts for her ex so the daughter has the experience of gifting her dad. Maybe that’s something you can learn from her!!
The daughter should only have to attend one school so I’m not sure why you take issue with her enrolling? That is the responsible thing to do.
You had the opportunity to prevent her moving interstate now that window has closed. You have to adapt to the situation that you either travel to her or have schools only.
I'm confused about what blackmailing is happening? I think maybe you should read this back to yourself and edit it because I'm a bit confused. It does seem very rude to make her wait at the airport though.
Veru confusing post. Im not sure what you think "black mailing" means?
And the movie thing would piss me off too... if i was waiting around. You could have easilt arranged a movie during your visit period, not right at the end of your visit. If that wasnt possible, you easily look up the movie length, do some math and let her mother know that she desperately wants to go to this movie but it doesnt finish until such and such time.
Sounds like that possibly happens a lot and her mother is just sick to death of it..
If I’d gotten off a plane expecting to see my child waiting for me and my child wasn’t there I would have been petrified!
Agreed
Why doesn’t dad take her to get gifts for mum?
I was the same, did it for the prick and the gifts i got for birthday, Christmas, Mother’s Day were the ones my kids got when I took them to the shops.
It’s basic common courtesy.
She has lunch with him, maybe she wants to catch up about what’s happening with his daughter. It seems she wants a friendly coparenting relationship, quite mature but you guys are so immature you can’t see past your nose.
So he has property and a business, wonder if he minimises his income which minimises her child support? Yes, if she’s struggling and he can afford flights all the time, then yes, he should bloody help out.
I’m interested to know what she got in the settlement because he seems to have done well.
Why did you keep her waiting at the airport, she sounds controlled, I would have said more than bye.
Again, just common courtesy, basic respect for the mother of the child.
Of course she’s going to school in Darwin, it’s where she lives!
All this education money and you whinge about forking our about 80 dollars for her first year at school pfffff
What were you expecting?
Wow, can’t believe this post.
I think you and your partner need to take a long hard look at yourselves.