Hi IM's!!
Basically mine an my husband's sex life is non existent! Nothing at all. And this is mostly because of me.
We've been together for 8years married for 6. We recently had our 4th bub in July. But since having our 3rd bub in 2017 our sex life has been really forced.
I'm finding myself not enjoying it at all, I've told my husband that if I could never have sex again for the rest of my life I would be happy!
I think part of me not wanting to have sex with him is due to hubby constantly being at me EVERY SINGLE DAY!! to have sex. I could be standing in the kitchen making dinner an he would come up behind me an grab my boobs an rub up an down against me trying to put his hands down my pants. I could be out the back having a smoke an his trying to put his hands down my pants kissing my neck. His constantly rubbing himself (when kids aren't looking) an say "do you want some of this". And he doesn't come at it in a nice way his always like " I wanna f*ck you". Its starting to get to the point his sending me text messages with pics of his di*k saying "come get some" or "he wants you". (😖)
After having kids hanging off me all day, breast feeding our 6month old I just don't want to be touched! And I can see his getting frustrated that I'm not giving him anything. But to top it off he doesn't last very long.. think like 30secs! So sometimes I'm just like what's the point for 30secs when it does nothing for me!
Any advice on how to go about this situation? We have talked about it an I've told him plenty of times how I feel about all this but obviously it's not getting through to him. It's like he just constantly thinks about sex all the time!
*** Edit to Add***
He also has a very hard time accepting the word NO! When I say no he still constantly try until I've said no about a hundred times, then after he is let down once again he gets all shitty an depressed, which I completely understand but it really does feel like he doesn't care about my feelings in the situation. Which we have also talked about.
21 Replies
Yeah nah, this wouldn’t have made it past the dating phase for me. Such a turn off! Crass, and unsexy in my opinion.
Did it ever turn you on, or has his behaviour escalated once things slowed down a bit? Did he ever come at you in a nice way?
Either way he’s a slow learner doing the same thing over and over and not getting anywhere. Have you tried telling him what you’d like him to do instead?
His behaviour has only escalated as things slowed down. Things used to be completely different! He used to be able to turn me on an come at me a nice way about it, sometimes we would have sex up to 3 times in one day. But since having our 3rd bub that's when things drastically changed!
Yes we have spoken about what I would like an how he should come about it, but I'm guessing after his been let down so many times his just given up not realising him doing all this actually makes it worse!
My partner is very similar. He will be hard and show me through his pants, then ask me what I'm thinking about. When I reply nothing. He goes oh so not sex then. This happens every 2 or 3 days. We also don't have sex often.
Why do they think that just because they touch us or show us they're horny that we'll instantly want to jump them?
I don't know about you but if my partner did more around the house or with the kids I would feel more inclined to be close with him. He also finishes very quickly but could be because we don't do it often.
I don't really have any advice but you're not alone.
Omg yes! I swear males really do think with what's in there pants!
But I totally agree with you, if I had more help around the house things would probably be different, but that's another thing with my hubby he will sit there on his phone watching YouTube constantly an zone out to the point I have to yell at him just so he will hear me!
Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone in this!
I feel its always the worst times to try for sex too lol.
When the kids are in bed or I'm not busy cleaning or cooking he doesn't seem interested? Lol
Yes!!
It seems like when we're not busy an they can actually try, in a much nicer way, they couldn't care less!
So I'm your husband.
For me, and I would suggest your husband is similar, when I try to initiate sex or intimacy with my husband and he goes no, or gives a list of excuses why not, the rejection overly multiple days or weeks or months can become unbearable.
Sex or being intimate with your other half does not take a huge amount of time, kissing, cuddling, sex really if you think about it can be done in ten minutes.
I get that as women we are tired, we have had the kids, we work... A whole load of things get in the way of being intimate.
The act of touching (inappropriately through your perspective) is us trying to get some affection from you.
You said he wasn't like this before, and I wasn't either. It was after years or rejection that I became more forceful in my approach. For me, i see it as ten minutes that my husband could be physical with me and chooses not to. That leaves me feeling physically Unloved and not worthy of his time for intimacy which keeps us connected.
I understand that how he is behaving isn't appropriate or a turn on for you, but just another perspective for you to consider.
I agree with you 100%, I’m also this person in the relationship. My partner has a lower sex drive than I do. I hate being rejected, it’s not because I don’t get my own way but because I show love through physical contact. I love intimacy and to be honest sex is fun, I mean who doesn’t love a good O. I feel unloved, unwanted, not attractive or desirable if he rejects me for to long and it definitely causes issues for us outside the bedroom. I do understand that he works long hours and is exhausted by the time he gets home. But the way I see it is I just need 10-15 minutes of his time a few times a week. It shouldn’t be that hard to carve out that small amount of time to show your partner you still want them. I mean look how much time we all have to chill out and sit on Facebook
I agree. I’m just like you. I would love my husband to rub up against me, act like he wants me there and then. It would be the biggest turn on for me, even a dick pic would be awesome.
I would hate it if he kept saying no to me like the poster says.
Thankyou for replying. I will l take everything you have said into consideration. It's nice to get some advice from the opposite side.
I totally get the whole touched out feeling after a long day of kids and breastfeeding. Try having sex in the morning before you start your day. Also he probably doesn’t last long because you don’t have sex Often. Has this always been an issue or just since your sex drive has declined? Has the type of contraception you are on made a difference in your drive?
Unfortunately sex wouldn't be able to happen in the morning as hubby sleeps in the spare room as he has to get up at 4.30 to leave for work. Then on the weekends the kids are up at 6 in the morning.
Yeah I guessed he doesn't last long because we aren't having any sex.
This hasn't always been a issue. I'm assuming my sex drive has just completely dropped since having our 3rd baby.
I am not on any contraception as I've had a really bad trouble with most of them, an twice contraception had failed that's how we ended up with babies 3&4. So when we do have sex it's condoms an hubby is due to get a vasectomy very soon. But at the moment the whole no sex is being a great contraception!
Maybe you’re subconsciously not wanting sex due to being worried about getting pregnant?
Maybe 🤷♀️
But honestly feel it's much more then that.
Can u just go into the spare bedroom then at 430am and give him a quick gobbo? He doesn't need to touch u back and it doesn't need to be intercourse. Being in the spare room is no reason for not giving him a morning gob..
On a good note, if you're giving him a hand job or a gobbo at least he isn't touching u and at the same time he's still getting something. C'mon at least compromise here.
But yes the crass, cringy sex comments are a huge turn off and so unattractive. Just ask him to stop doing it and he will get his 430 morning 2 minute one sided quick play.
Solved.
Mine was like this too.
My problem was he didn’t touch me unless he wanted sex, so I started to resent any touch from him.
I kept saying can you just hug, touch etc without any strings attached.
They really don’t get it quickly.
Fast forward and he’s older and moe tired, and doesn’t want it as often and I’m finding I’m now more willing that the pressure is off me.
Hopefully he understands sooner than later.
You both need to take responsibility for this.
He needs attention and affection from his wife. He could be out messing around on you but he’s not! Is he going about it the right way?? No!
But at least he’s trying.
You need counseling or something, he needs to find a new approach and you need to figure your shit out..
My husband and I are the opposite at the moment, he doesn’t want it and I do. I can tell you now the rejection is awful, it’s debilitating, it’s depression inducing, it’s relationship destroying.
So you need to figure out what’s causing your lack of interest and fix it. And you need to communicate with your husband about how he can fix his approach to the subject.
If you can’t do it together then you need to seek a professional to help you both.
A marriage takes two, it takes love and understanding and COMMUNICATION! You both need to find a compromise on this situation.
If not you need to let him go, because I personally couldn’t live in a marriage with zero intimacy, it would kill me, literally.
I'm sorry but you have a 6 month old baby. This is nature's way to space children and allow your body to recover. He needs to understand that you won't feel into it for atleast another 6 months as your body heals and that this is completely normal for you not to feel into it! If he wants more action then he needs to think about your needs too and make sure you gain enjoyment from sex too otherwise he can use his hand. You are not a wank hole. It makes me feel sick that he feels the need to do that to you.
Omg, I'm in the same boat, we have been together 7 years, have a 5 year old together and 2 children from my ex partner.
He constantly says, wanna suck my dick.
He makes comments like nice tits when I first get up out of bed, he constantly wants me to suck his dick which I don't want to do especially when he constantly asks for it.
When I push him away from touching me, he says I don't love him, don't want him except every other dick ( we are swingers, which we mutually agree to be a part of).
I work full time, I come home cook dinner, tidy up, then want some "me" time just to sit and bloody relax! Last thing on my mind is bloody sex!
I don't have any advice, sorry, just know how you are feeling. Hugs sister x
Haha. AlI I say is wait....wait til the tables are turned and you are ready for it and loving him right up and he doesn't want it. 30 secs well I would guess so sounds like he's so up into lovin ya up and wanting it when ya finally say yes he's done haha. Girl if it was the other way around it would be all... is he depressed that's...not fair... is he cheating...d9es he have a pron problem. Take it as a positive his male drive is on for you. Take some time to get yours back, fantasize, explore stuff online, what can help you gloat your boat? Or find ways to float his till yours comes back 🤷♀️
Oh my I remember these days. I eventually let him have it while I was doing the dishes while it wasn't great, but not bad, all I wish now was he took me while I was doing the god damn dishes. Darl, eb and flow eb and flow. Your time will come xx