Update. I was a little taken back at some of the pretty nasty comments. Yes I wrote in asking for advice and I know it’s probably a sensitive topic. Call me full of shit and I am lying to myself and my husband but I did not cheat nor did I intend to or just want permission to. I was coming to a bunch of women who I thought wouldn’t judge. I may have written my life is perfect but heck, who’s life and marriage is perfect. I don’t think the grass is greener. No one made any moves it was just a gut feeling of wow we really click, this hasn’t happened to me before, we are good mates, and genuinely I did have a moment of wow I wonder if these situations work. my husband and I have spoken about open marriages quite comfortably but don’t know anyone in one so came on here instead of old me google. I am very secure in my marriage and so is my husband. I am very thankful for all the non judgmental comments. Yes it may work for some but I have come to realize that it’s not what I want for my family. We are all mature enough to go about and all remain friends. It’s sad how as women we feel so much pressure to have this perfect life, perfect “normal” marriage, Well behaved children, nice home, perfect packed school lunches and if we dare to find the courage to open up for advice for anything out of the norm we get smashed. Much love to you all. And for all that will judge again and say oh she’s writing in because she’s guilty is incorrect, I am writing in to put my hand up and say I am 100% imperfect mum and wife. I come from a pretty broken family myself but was always taught if you don’t have something nice don’t say it al all or use constructive criticism.
6 Replies
Messy house, the size of your home, naughty kids, imperfect lunch boxes are not character traits, they aren’t who you are and they certainty don’t make you a bad person.
Who you are as a person is based on personality traits like: Integrity, honesty, faithfulness, truthfulness, empathy, compassion, the ability to self reflect.
I think you have mistaken the two, it’s an important distinction.
Do I need to remind you that your original post specifically asked how to breach the topic of open marriages to your husband.......
I also think when you say you aren’t cheating, you honestly believe it.
Google “signs of an emotional affair”, you may or may not tick the boxes, but it’s an eye opener and good stuff to educate yourself about. It usually starts out emotional and leads to physical, since I’ve read this stuff, it has changed my perspective on how to conduct friendships.
I was one who commented in your last post by telling the nay sayers not to judge ur sex life, just because they themselves wouldn’t do it. But even tho you’ve written in again you are still going to get comments from those who don’t agree. Whatever works for your marriage is yours alone. Don’t bother asking here because although I don’t judge your personal choices in sex and marriage, others will. There are brutal women in here, so don’t look here for those who agree or who are sympathetic because unfortunately on this forum, you probably won’t get nice comments.
Do whatever works for your marriage. If you and your husband are happy to give it a go, that’s no one else’s business. I don’t judge you but I wish you all the best.
How do you know your sexually compatible with the other guy if you didn’t cheat? Sorry, but I’m pretty sure you said you were sexually compatible with him? I didn’t know you could know that unless testing the waters first? Hmm maybe I read it wrong?
You can’t blame people for being upset at this post. It’s perfectly normal to reflect and think you’d be crushed if your partner tried to spring an open marriage on you.
Honestly, I think some of the comments were relevant since you've now decided that you don't want to pursue a relationship outside of your marriage.
Whilst I wasn't too keen on the ideas in the original post. I don't think I commented! I do think that quite often as women we are too quick to judge and be overly critical. I totally agree with you, nothing nice to say, don't say it! At least if you disagree with something, try and be nice about it, name calling is not needed. We are all just trying to do the best we can. Good to hear that regardless, you did receive some helpful comments!