SO I have been married for roughly 5years I have a child from a previous relationship and 3 children to my husband. My husband financially supports the oldest child and calls her his daughter aswell , she calls all his family Aunti , Uncle , Grandma and Grandpa. She doesn’t call my husband dad as she sees her dad regularly and his family on a weekly basis.
So my husbands parents have recently come into a lot of money and started a bank account for our kids. We currently can’t touch it, it’s their money. But husband says it will go to our kids and eventually be split between our children. So than I questioned if that also included my / our oldest. He tried to tell me that it’s unfair as she is an only child on her dads side so relatively that means she is double dipping. I informed him that eventually anything left from her dads family has nothing to do with me and it’s hers. I told him if that was the case that she wasn’t entitled to the money than there is going to be some serious issues as it’s so unfair as she is still really young and very much a part of our family. I think he was just being a dick and I feel his parents would include her. But just felt it was a stupid thing for him to say.
What do you think she entitled to it Or should she not be?
Inheritance talk
Inheritance talk
Posted in:
Kids
18 Replies
He is right, your daughter isn’t entitled to any monies from his family. She will get what ever is in her fathers families side. If your ex’s side of the family came into money would you expect them to split it between all of your children or just the eldest.
No, I don't sorry. My partner and I each have our own kids and none of them will be inheriting anything from their step side of the family. Not because they aren't part of the family but it just gets messy and a bit unfair too. My partners house will be going to his kids and not even I will get a look in as he owned it before we met. If it had to get split with my kids too that would mean even less for his kids, while my kids will get inheritance from me and their Dad.
I can't say I like the way you throw around the word "entitled" here.
An inheritance is a gift. It's not an obligation or a requirement of any kind on the givers part and it's certainly not an entitlement or God given right of any relative to receive such inheritances (biological or otherwise).
If they choose to include your oldest child, that's lovely. If they choose not to include her, then I'm sure they have their reasons.
Not your money, unfortunately that means you don't get a say on how it's spent and allocated.
You are coming across as a giant pain in the arse, your child isn’t “entitled” to anything.
I don’t think she should receive anything from the step fathers side of the family, unless they really want to give.
However there’s nothing stopping you from opening and account, on her behalf, and regularly deposit money. Giving her something when she comes to age.
This is something to do for all of the children.
I’m with your husband. His parents would be being very generous if they included your child.
I agree with your husband. His parents are under no obligation to include your eldest. Your eldest has 2 other sets of grandparents to maybe inherit from. Your actually expecting that she inherit of 3 sets of grandparents and hence setting her up better than your other 3?
My grandmother died recently. She put money in her will to be shared between her grandchildren. That's me and 1 adopted cousin. The lawyers shared it with both of our step siblings as well. That was the right interpretation by us do we didn't question it. Likewise, my other grandmother split her money between me and my 3 step siblings. They are her blood and I'm the step grandchild. In no way is she more their grandmother than mine though. It's not as though they entered my life when I was older. They were my grandparents from a young age and that was that. I think your husband is very wrong if your daughter has been in their life for long enough that she considers them grandparents too. I would feel very strongly about this. Not because of the money, but because of the line in the sand he is drawing between her and her half siblings.
What if her husband is one of 5 or 6 and OP's daughter is not the only step grandchild? So then all the 'now' step grandchildren and future step grandchildren will need to be included? What if OP's eldest daughters Dad passed away and she is left with a huge sum and yet her siblings don't get as much as what was left to them by their grandparents because it had to be shared to step siblings?
If this family were the only family to her then my view would be very different but it's not, she has a Dad in her life and will get looked after when he dies.
Yep. That's my family. Very complex but family none the less. Separating it up is wrong.
I disagree with the others. Of your husband has accepted her as his child, and so has his side of the family, then any money should also go to her as he has claimed her as his daughter.
My husband would never dream of cutting out my son, who isn't biologically his but whom he has raised and financially supported since he was one. If any family member dictated that no money was to be given to my son then he would cut that person off. It is amazing how money can entirely fuck a family over.
I think it’s neither of your decisions. If his parents choose to share it with ALL the children or just their biological grandchildren.
Your husband is right it is double dipping. My children from my first marriage are also lucky to have a step father and his family that treats them like his own but I would NEVER assume that they should be entitled to any inheritance from his family.
Exactly! It’s the assumption that’s the issue.
Really not the point of life any of this. Your daughter hopefully has a beautiful relationship with them and that should be enough. No amount of money will replace someone when they are gone.
Exactly. I'd trade all the "inheritance" in the world just to have extra time with my grandmother.
Worrying about money you're going to get from someone who isn't even dead yet is utterly vile.
She doesn't call your husband Dad because she has a relationship with her father so her father should make provisions for her. If your husbands family had no money would you make your daughter share hers with her siblings. I think it would be nice if they did include her but I don't think they are obligated to. Even if they gave her half of what they give the other children I think would be generous.
She has a father and a paternal chance of inheritance. the 3 children you have with him also have a father, and a different change of paternal inheritance. You have to cover them all you are their mum. if it was wealth you had created as a couple then all 4 kids should be considered. this is his families money, and only 3 of these kids are blood. If you leave those kids are still family, you and your daughter are not. very tough reality but i wouldn't blur they lines. it's not your money to decide.
This is why I hate inheritance. This money is HIS parents. Not yours, not his and not your kids.
They are free to choose what happens to that money..... full stop....
No one is entitled to anything.... full stop!! What his parents choose to do with that money is up to them and no one has the right to ask questions.