Sorry if this doesn’t make sense, I’m incredible tired. I feel like I know the answer but before I act, I want to know if this is actually normal or weather my partner is out of line.
We have 4 children, he works, I stay home as he prefers that, I’ve tried working but he wasn’t coping with it so I stopped. My youngest is under 1. The problem at hand is sex. We have sex, everyday, but it’s never enough for him, sometimes I’m up for it, sometimes I’m not. Generally the baby wakes up several times a night and I’m exhausted. But last night things broke down a bit... the baby had been unwell, I’ve spent 2 days in hospital with him followed by 2 days of getting nothing done except holding him. My back hurts so much, he’s a big baby and I’m a very petite woman. I got the baby to sleep and of corse he wanted to have sex, I was exhausted but not up for the fight if I said no, so we had sex. Just after we finish the baby woke up, I put the tv on whilst I rock him as it distracts him from clawing at me and screaming. He was awake for 3
Hours. He finally accepted his bottle and was in his cot, I left the tv on so he wouldn’t wake up when it suddenly got silent. I hopped into bed and my partner started to pull down my pants and I asked him not too and that I was tired and really wanted to get some sleep as I haven’t slept in 4 days. He got really angry, turned his back, mumbled some stuff, and went to go to sleep. It upset me, I feel like I’m failing with him,
I can’t please him. The baby woke again, and I went to just lay him in our bed because he would sleep if he was with me and I just really needed some sleep and he told me not too because then in the morning we won’t be able to have sex because the baby will be in the bed. So I got up and was rocking him and patting him for An hour and he finally went to sleep. I went to put him in his cot but he woke straight away and started screaming (he is a difficult baby usually but he’s sick atm so a lot worse) I was already upset about his reaction to me saying no to sex (even though we just had sex) and I was tired and frustrated. I went to the loungeoon so I could Atleast sit down with the baby, he came out and I was crying, and he was blaming the baby but I was honest and told him it’s not that, it’s the sex thing, how angry and distant he gets when I say no, that he never touches me unless he is trying to initiate sex and when I say no, I get the cold shoulder and silent treatment for 24 hours until we have sex. He got angry and said the only reason I didn’t want sex was so I could watch my show which wasn’t true but at the same time, we had sex already and is it that bad if I did just wanna unwind with some tv?!! He then decided to sleep on the couch because he didn’t want to be near me. He’s still mad this morning. This is an all the time thing. I’m so turned off because he is so over the top. I could be cooking dinner and he will come in and put his hand in my. Pants and when I say no and laugh it off and try to get him out he jokes around with it more and it hurts. He doesn’t mean to hurt me but because I’m trying to remove him, and he’s trying to go further, it does hurt. He was constantly pull my top down to get my breasts out and play with them, and it’s uncomfortavle because I’m cooking dinner and not in that mindset. He treats me like my body is his just because we are together and he’s free to do what he likes with it. Everytime I bring this up he tells me it’s normal in a relationship and I react and feel the way I do due to my childhood sexual abuse, I’ve believed him because he could be right, but is this normal? Is this normal couple shit? Do you all have sex with your partners simply to avoid an argument? How do I bring this up with him again to make it stop?
Not wanting sex everytime and getting ignored because of it
Not wanting sex everytime and getting ignored because of it
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
17 Replies
Nope. Nope. Nope. Not normal. I'd almost consider it abusive.
Disgusting behaviour. You sound exhausted and I dont know how you're doing it. I'd leave personally but that's not always an option. He sounds like he needs therapy and if I were you I'd be standing my ground. Say no. If he starts a fight, ignore it.
Dont play into his manipulation.
Sending love mama. You're worth more than this.
I’m sorry this is happening. This is all kinds of wrong. In reality you are being sexually harassed and abused by the person who should make you feel the safest.
This is not healthy, it is not normal.
Yes he may have a very high sex drive, but this is not an appropriate way for him to deal with his sex drive.
A good husband would notice how exhausted you are and be letting you get some sleep! When you told him to stop, a good husband would stop.
He is not entitled to use your body like that, and that goes for if he had sex today or three months ago. He is not entitled to sex.
This situation sounds like it’s time for you to make your plans to leave. It doesn’t sound like he respects you or your needs.
So not normal and wrong. You said no and he doesn’t listen or respect anything you say. I have no advice just saying he’s behaviour isn’t right good luck
He uses your history of sexual abuse to further sexually abuse you.
He uses your self doubt and weaknesses against you.
He is a manipulative, entitled, abusive piece of shit.
Sending you light, love and healing ❤️
For me I like the attention, I like being felt up I like him iniating sex and showing me that I am wanted and desired. I never say no to sex if I can help it. We have sex almost every day and that’s becasue that what I want. He doesn’t crack the shits if I say no and vice versa I don’t get mad if he says no. I feel disappointment if we both want it and his member doesn’t want to participate and he’s gotten me all worked up. But that’s another story
However you do not like this and you do not want this and you would like him to stop. Which says that this is not normal for you. So it needs to stop. Becasue its a form of abuse in itself. If this has only changed and your thoughts have changed due to your last child yes of course he will feel frustrated and dejected when you don’t want to have sex with him. If this is how you’ve felt all along and you’ve just been putting up with it then it’s a problem that should have been dealt with long ago and not been allowed to keep occurring for this long.
It’s not normal. His desperation to me would be so off putting and pathetic really. He needs to back the fuck off when you say no. Oh hun, I’d be absolutely livid at his lack of tact and understanding. He’s acting like a petulant child
No. This is not normal. Maybe if he started getting up to the baby and let you sleep he would feel different about sex.
He is definitely using your past abuse to continue to abuse you. If I said to Hubby that I wasn't in the mood or was to tired, he would stop immediately and would not get angry or give the silent treatment.
Maybe make an appointment with your Dr or a counsellor or psychologist
What a pig.! My ex was like that. Best thing I did was get rid of him.
This is so wrong and especially considering you past. He is abusing you also.! Disgusting. Keep saying NO!! It’s your body.!!
No. Fucking. Way! Are you kidding me???!!!!! This man is nothing but a pig. That behaviors is so disgusting and disrespectful to you! How dare he! He has serious issues and needs help. If I were you I wouldn’t be giving him sex just to keep the peace, I’d be withholding it until he got help. Soooooo not ok!!!! If I were you I’d pack my shit and leave! He’s abusing you big time.
It sounds like he has a sex addiction to me.
No its not normal couple shit.
Yes I'm a bloke. I will answer honestly.
No it's not normal. He needs a good kick in the teeth to be honest. When he is doing is not right. No ifs not buts not coconuts.
He needs to respect you as a human and as a mum. And he should be ashamed of himself and grow the heck up and help look after the baby. He needs to start acting like a dad and loving partner and less like a horny 17 year old who has just discovered sex.
My partner and I maybe have sex once every couple of months for vearing reasons. I'm ok with it. Sex is not everyone.
I'm kinda pissed of because of his actions. I want to kick him in the nuts so he can't use them.
Oh my.
So many red flags.
You poor love. Please please seek professional help from your gp. You need to tell them everything and then go to the police. This piece of shit is abusing you!
And I don't want to hear from anyone who says that going to the police is a bit far fetched just because they are married. No, no, nope. He is sexually and mentally abusing you. You need to get yourself and your babies out of that horrible situation ASAP!
I identify with this situation. I’ve withheld sex for so long, hoping that he’d leave me. I know I have to leave, everything about him disgusts me. I’ve been told that I’m his property because we’re married, I just can’t tolerate his behaviour anymore. It’s hard to leave, I’m absolutely petrified. You need to start making your plans to leave now, you absolutely deserve better.
I think you have an overwhelming response from everyone. No one thinks that this is normal or ok.
He is manipulating you. Using you whenever he likes and you aren’t allowed to have an opinion at all. Bringing up your child abuse is a low blow. When you do have an opinion he abuses you for you.
I would start taking your power back. Get a job, put most of the money into a different account. Stop having sex with him. If he complains so you want to go to couples therapy. Explain everything you have said.
If he becomes abusive, which he could call the police. Get an AVO he will have to leave the family home.
He really does sound like a narcissist. They have no empathy for anyone else, their needs are all that matters, they like to control and belittle. You CANNOT ever have a healthy relationship with one.
Guess what? You’ll be so much happier without him. It is not till you step back and realise how controlling and abusive he is.
A normal relationship goes like this...our child has been in hospital. You haven’t sleep in 4 days - a decent man wouldn’t even ask for sex let alone demand it. He would instead sympathise and ask what he could do to help you recover. He should have said “hey I’ll take the kids out for a hour or two so you can have a nap.” That man (your husband) is a complete selfish pig.
Sounds like my ex. I had no idea coersion was a thing and it was easier to give in and have sex than deal with the mantrum that followed a no Everytime I gave in, I cried myself to sleep. I felt so disgusting. So used. He doesnt see you as a partner, he only sees you as someone to fill his needs regardless of your own. Talk to him about it, if you don't get the answers and results you want, leave. You'll sleep easier. I know I did
You poor thing! He is putting you under more pressure and stress. Yes he is putting you under stress with his behaviour! I don't know how you cope. I'm not going to tell you what to do with your marriage, but I do agree with the sentiment that he is very much the problem and not you. He needs to pull his head in!!!