So my middle child’s Dad died when he was quite young in a accident, he’s now 5 1/2 years old. Out of the blue I received a message from my child’s dad’s cousin asking for photos of my son so she could gift them to my child’s great grandmother for Christmas. Bare in mind none of the child’s dads family have reached out or asked about the child in roughly 5years due to bitterness of their behalf when their son died, I really don’t feel comfortable with the idea as they haven’t made no effort with the child what so ever, my mum thinks I’m being stupid and I should just send some photos for the sake of the great grandmother, but I think there may be more to it eg son’s dad’s parents trying to get photos and using asking someone else to help them obtain them so they don’t have to talk to me themselves.
Really stuck on what to do, should I send photos on the chance they really are for the great grandmother or politely decline explaining my reasons above?
To send or not to send
To send or not to send
Posted in:
Kids
24 Replies
Has the great grandmother had your phone number or some way to contact you for the last 5 years? Is she (not to be rude) lucid?
If yes, I wouldn't even humor the idea. 5 years with little to no contact, you don't get to make requests like that!
If she hasn't been able to contact you and she's (again, not to be rude) becoming a little dottery with old age and the picture would give her some comfort, then I'd maybe consider 1 very generic photo (ie, nothing identifiable like school logos etc).
But there is 2 sides here and when all
Parties involved are grieving, so many hurtful things can be said by both sides. I think it’s worth the chance especially for the little boy who has already lost his dad. The stories and photos, the connection his family would have to him is irreplaceable. After 5 years the pain has probably eased a little and they are reaching out. grief can make people say and do awful things they they don’t mean. This family has been given a life sentence. It’s only a few photos and I’m
Sure they’d mean the world to them.
Send them a stock photo? Would they even notice it was the wrong child?
That is genius 😂
genius? More like pathetic.!
That would be cruel since he's her dead grandsons child, I'm sure if it got sent they would compare it to his dad's childhood photos for likeness and it could be quite emotional. I don't see what the big deal is it would not impact the OP or her child in anyway at all but it could mean a lot to great grandma and whoever else may still be feeling this boys Dads loss. Unless they are all heartless then all of them will be.
Why does it matter either way? A photo is nothing in grand scheme of things. If they were wanting to hang out with your child, I'd be more concerned as it could be detrimental to your child if they disappeared again for years and that's all just a weird adjustment for your kid who has no idea who they are.
But they are photos... and they are apparently for the great grandmother. I'd just do it to keep peace and knowing you did the right thing. Even if it's for the grand parents, they'll see what an amazing job you're doing with your child. And thats a bit of a kick the face when tbeyve had nothing to do with that. See that they are healthy and thriving. And I feel that would make them feel pretty shit about their lack of trying to be around. And done... Hopefully. (Declining could be a lot more hassling afterwards).
I was recently in this position, bio father hasn’t passed (that I known of) is just a homeless drug addict in and out of prison. I have told his family not a chance in hell. They refused to have anything to do with my children for years, they don’t deserve to have any memories or keep sakes of them.
Huge difference between a junk and a family
Member who have lost their son and don’t get to see part of him, his little boy.
But no difference between two families that stopped acknowledging their own flesh and blood because dad wasn’t around anymore. It doesn’t matter why dad wasn’t there, it does matter that both families stopped contact on their own accord. Now they have no right to ask for anything to do with said child, they made their choice.
There is 2 sides to every story. This is just a few photos for the great grandmother. What harm can it do. It would probably bring peace to his family after 5 years of grieving. Grief can make people say and do awful things that they don’t mean. This poor boy has lost his dad.
Agree not sending them is just continuing on with the bitterness. End the bitterness and do the right thing. it’s what his dad would
Want.
Send the pics! It’s not like they are asking for you to send your son. Maybe they regret how they acted in grief. A small thing. Don’t over think it. Don’t see malice choose to see love
Would I send photos of my child to a stranger? No
Does it hurt they have photos? I'm sorry, you're the one that sounds bitter and petty here. She's probably doing a photo frame up of all the great grandkids, why wouldn't you want your child there? Would you rather they didn't think of him at all and didn't even try and get his photo? I don't really get it. This could also open up contact with them, I'm sure your son will eventually want to know his Dad's side, do you really want him to grow up to find out you kept rejecting these little requests? I think you need to grow up, put your feelings aside and stop teaching your children to hold grudges against people forever.
Why wouldn't you want them to have photos of their dead sons child?
They wouldn't want the photo if they didn't care. Maybe they regret not having had contact. I think send the photo and offer to visit/video chat in the new year.
Exactly. So
Childish holding some
Photos. They lost their grandson and this little boy is part of him. Everyone grieves and things happen but this is just childish to even question sending them. give each other some peace.let go of any past hurts. It’s only a few photos that would mean the world to the great grandma
Just give them
The photos seriously.! His dad would want that. He is part of his dad. The poor great grandmother would
Miss him terribly and this would be a lovely gift. Stop being so silly. It doesn’t hurt you handing over a few photos. encourage your son to be in their lives now, it might be a good start for him and them. After all he doesn’t have his dad anymore 😢these people
Are the ones who can share the greatest memories with your little boy. Don’t be bitter.
Grow up! Do yourself a favour and send the photos. It might be be what your little boy needs to
Open up to his father family and be part of it eventually.
They were probably bitter because they were grieving. They’ve probably come to ease some
Of their pain. You sound like the childish one. Do not deny them that little boy. They’ve already lost enough. Photos aren’t going
To
Hurt! grow up .
You sound like the bitter one. end the bitterness and your own selfish thoughts and do this for your son and his dad. they are reaching out. your son has every right to be part of his dad’s family. Even if it’s just sending a few photos. you are the one holding on to the bitterness. they were grieving. Everyone was. But time can heal and little and just maybe they have. You need to stop thinking of yourself and what they’ve done in their time of grieving and send it. You can be the one to end this bitterness.
Not the same situation but I don't have a great relationship with my own mother, since having my son she has made contact on his birthday and Christmas etc, when she contacts I will send through one or two photos. As much as I would selfishly love to shut her out, I never want my son to think I kept family from him. I decide what is sent and I don't let her know any details of my life, only his development.
I would send a few photos, it would all be on your terms and for the sake of your son knowing family for him to decide later in life
I have a somewhat strained relationship with my grandmother, nothing overly dramatic, shes frankly a bit of a dick and makes little effort.
But every christmas I send her a card with some photos of my son, mainly for my own benefit.
When the time comes and she passes away I know I have put in at least a little bit of effort. And for some reason it eases a bit of the bitterness in my heart.
Like the old saying says, dont let someone live rent free in your head.
All the best x