My husband and I only have sex once every few months. Not from lack of interest on my side, but his. He shirks off my playful touches and doesn't like kissing more than a peck on the lips. He says he is attracted to me and recently he told me that it was because he is under pressure (by his family and friends) to have a baby with me and he is terrified that he won't be able to. I've asked him to see a Dr to check things out but he wants to "do it in his own time". It's killing me and the feeling of constant rejection by my husband is doing things to my mental state. What do I do? What can I do besides wait for him to be ready/feel better about intimacy?
5 Replies
Start working on communication first. Sex is great but the fact he couldn’t communicate his fears around sex etc is more of a concern.
Problems drag on and get bigger than necessary when someone doesn’t communicate.
I’d also question why he can’t have sex, in regards to baby making. Did you both decide you wanted to try for a baby? Does he understand that sex isn’t just about making a baby and even if he can’t have a baby sexy can be bloody awesome?
Are there some cultural issues involved that need to be taken into account here?
Would he take over if you start pleasuring yourself in front of him? Remind him that sex is fun and not all about babies.
The words “Trying to have a baby” terrifies most men’s penises to hibernate for ever in fear of inadequacy as a man!
It’s also a big buzz killer in the bedroom!
Pressure from family can be equally as bad even though they mean well.
Communicate over his reasons for stalling, is this a joint decision? Why is he feeling apprehensive? Is he ready? I’d suggest talking over a few drinks in a calm environment.
Why not have a talk with him and make a decision to stop “trying” for a baby and if it happens it happens which is usually what makes it happen anyway!
Get back to having a sex life without the “intent” of making another person? Take the baby out of the equation and get back to being intimate and loving each other.
As a woman, wanting a child can be stressful enough let alone having your husband not being compliant to trying. Getting “tested” by a doctor can be very stripping to a mans manliness as his most intimate part and roll becomes the topic of conversation!
Perhaps speak to a fertility specialist or GP and ask about the option of you bringing in a sample of his sperm without him having to be present? Another “trick” I learned was to use the maybe baby ovulation tester to check my husbands sperm myself! If u want to know how ... read on!
Put a spot of his sperm (fresh) onto the ovulation tester and look through the viewfinder to see his sperm wriggling around, you’ll have to strain your eyes a little but you can see them and I’d suggest not doing it in front of him! Lol you’ll have peace of mind knowing they’re healthy and plenty of them rather than having him go all medical and have doctors interfering with his manhood!
The maybe baby can also be used discreetly by yourself daily to track your ovulation cycle and tell you the best chances for conception. He doesn’t have to see or know and it’ll take the stress out of “trying for a baby”.
Have you witnessed this "pressure" yourself? I say it like that because something just doesn't add up here. Is there a history of infertility? How long have you been married and has he been this way since then or is it only a recent thing? He says he wants to do things in his own time. Okay but how long are you supposed to wait? There's something amiss here and I'd be wanting to get to the crux of it sooner rather than later.
Yes to all answers. I too, posted a Q about similar not baby making but sex. Pressure in men is a a real killer. Don't make doctor number 1 priority. Try other approaches too. I bet it's totally his problem not yours. And it will get better. Esp if you can already talk about it. Trust your relationship. Y'all be hitting it it no time.