What's the norm. I know every one will look a little different but just curious.
Living together 3 years, 2 children from a previous relationship for me and 1 newborn together.
Ive tried having these conversations but i don't know how too and it never seems to sit right or go anywhere.
He works full time, i was casual up to 25 hours p/w now on maternity leave. Recieve some clink support all up earn around 800 p/ w
He basically has worked out have the rent, pays half the electricity when the bill comes in and i think its $80 towards food all up he gives me $250 a week towards bills. Our rent is $340. He earns around $700 and i literally have no idea what he does with the rest. Ive brought up saving, where it goes etc. He has a car loan which he pays all at once monthly , no insurance, prepaid mobile. Have tried budgeting ideas but falls on death ears, i hate to nag.
I pay my share of electricity, rent, my phone bill and home internet combined on a plan, all kids day care, school fees, clothes, christmas gifts etc, pretty much everything else, my car loan, my insurance l, water, medical bills/ costs etc i know 2 arent his but after 3 years is this expected? Bio dad isnt involved and doesn't provide support. I rarely have any money to save amd constantly working q budget, breaking the budget to do something family fun.
I have never been in a normal relationship as previous was dv and ex didnt work and i paid everything.
In a normal "" rship what does it look like when it comes to finances.
It worries me because whilst not there yet, id like to get married, buy a house, buisness prospects, share finances but doesn't seem to be maturing naturally??
14 Replies
My experience. All the money is family money and we have shared savings goals etc.
We have two kids together so I guess it's slightly different, but even if I repartnered, and lived with said person, I would expect it to run the same way.
All money earned is a combined thing. And it doesn't really matter who works the most to get it.
You let your partner use the toilet despite being the only one on your hands and knees scrubbing the bowl every second day...
I've never understood separating finances.
My experience is that we don't combine finances and haven't for over 20 years. We each pay half of shared expenses (mortgage, power, internet, water, rates, insurance etc) and pay our own personal expenses (phones, cars, fuel, insurance, regos etc). The difference is that I work full-time on a good salary as well.
The only time it was different was when he did an adult apprenticeship. I needed him to cover half the mortgage and I could cover all the other shared bills for the first 2 years.
It wouldn't work for many but does for us.
My partner and I have been together for nearly 15 years, 3 kids, not married so our situation is slightly different to yours but still relevant I feel.
We don't have my money and his money - we have our money, that's how it's always been.
We do have separate bank accounts for our pays to be deposited into though.
So, my weekly wage and his weekly wage is combined and we deduct our bills, then decide what we'll be doing with the remainder (ie, personal spending money, save, etc).
I honestly feel that when you're in a defacto partnership, with a couple of kids - doing a dead even 50/50 split isn't equitable, especially in circumstances like yours where one party ends up constantly strapped for cash and the other has money burning holes in their pocket and no obvious signs of where that money is going.
It worries me a bit that you don't feel comfortable having important financial conversations with him, I mean it's not like he moved in yesterday, you guys have a child together! Creating financial unity and getting on the same page about long term finances a conversation about those things need to happen like yesterday. You guys aren't roomies, you're a family so he can't keep living like a Batchelor anymore.
Good luck x
Finances are tricky and can often be a touchy subject. My husband and I struggled a lot as I'm a saver and he's a spender - it's caused a lot of arguments over the years (together 8, married 6, 3 kids and one on the way, he works full time and I'm a stay at home mum). We've been following the Barefoot Investor for about 18 months now. We don't follow it exactly but it at least put us on the same page financially and opened up a way for us to talk about money without it ending in an argument. We work on a monthly budget. Basically all money is pooled, expenses are deducted first then we each get $100 each to spend as we please, then the rest is split between our holiday account, household account (house and car maintenance, presents, infrequent bills) and our savings account.
We have seperate finances. We love it. My hubby basically pays all our bills mortgage etc. I generally pay for the fluff. Kids activities groceries etc. however anytime I can’t I will ask him if he can pay it and he never asks me why, just yeah how much do you need. I don’t know what he has left at the end of the month but I trust that it’s in our offset. I’m very lucky! Money is never an argument in our home. The decision on who pays what is organic. I take the kids to their activities so I pay, whoever gets groceries pays. He pays the bills because her earns 3 x the amount I do.
1 joint bank account with my hubby from about 3 months in when dating. Basically, that's when we moved in together so money became joined.
Someone else has already mentioned The Barefoot Investor. Buy his book and start "Date Night". Financial communication between partners is a game changer.
My husband and I had been together 5 years (dating) when we purchased land, and 7 when the house was finish. At the time we purchased land, everything became joint money - joint a/cs, joint mortgages, joint bills. He has always earned more then me, so it’s never been a clean 50/50 break down. We discuss any purchase over $100 or so, we have accounts set up that money goes too each pay that is then used for bills, house expenses etc. I do most of the day to day organising, but he knows what’s going on (especially handy when I’ve suddenly been hospitalized - he has to know where everything is and what’s going on).
My in-laws, however, have a joint account for all the familial spending and bills that all pays are put into, and each retained their own account for an agreed amount of discretionary spending.
You need to sit down and have a grown up conversation. He can’t pay the bare minimum on bills and then spend the rest wherever. You are either in it together, or he is just a roommate with benefits.
It's all different.
My ex husband before we were married was quite happy for an equal split because I was the main breadwinner and I was supporting him through every time he was unemployed. He'd pay half the rent and I'd end up paying most of the bills and he'd have centrelink mone so he'd have spending money but was happy to sit at home and not socialise.
Once I had to take maternity leave that was a different story. Being a stay at home mum and he was finally working full time the money was his to divvy out to me because he had worked hard for that while I was at home doing nothing....
My partner now is amazing. We have 2 kids each. We share the rent, he covers the house bills and majority of groceries, i do grocery top ups and kids swimming/sports. We each pay our own phone bill. We have recently changed centrelink and split the family tax benefit 50/50 between us. But I'll contribute on small things like a family day out or pay off some money on Laybys but he does the majority of spending money. I have a debt which he would prefer I pay off first with my money so he is happy to support me if I'm pulling my weight.
We don't have a shared bank account but we do have an open budget that we keep reviewing to make sure it remains balanced including putting money into savings
It's all different.
My ex husband before we were married was quite happy for an equal split because I was the main breadwinner and I was supporting him through every time he was unemployed. He'd pay half the rent and I'd end up paying most of the bills and he'd have centrelink mone so he'd have spending money but was happy to sit at home and not socialise.
Once I had to take maternity leave that was a different story. Being a stay at home mum and he was finally working full time the money was his to divvy out to me because he had worked hard for that while I was at home doing nothing....
My partner now is amazing. We have 2 kids each. We share the rent, he covers the house bills and majority of groceries, i do grocery top ups and kids swimming/sports. We each pay our own phone bill. We have recently changed centrelink and split the family tax benefit 50/50 between us. But I'll contribute on small things like a family day out or pay off some money on Laybys but he does the majority of spending money. I have a debt which he would prefer I pay off first with my money so he is happy to support me if I'm pulling my weight.
We don't have a shared bank account but we do have an open budget that we keep reviewing to make sure it remains balanced including putting money into savings
You live together, you have a child together and he earns way more than you while you look after his child and do housework etc. You should def have a joint account and the same amount of spending money each. He is not a boarder in your house, he shouldn’t give you money for bills, he should give you his whole wage minus his spending money (same as you get). The current situation is ridiculous and you need to put your foot down and sort it now. It’s is basically financial control which is classified as domestic abuse. One household, one combined income to pay for everything and disposable money for both of you of which you should save some for a rainy day (always keep some financial independence just in case)
I disagree with the idea that he should give her his whole wage. He earns it and should be able to have some control. They should put their money in a joint account to combine it. It shouldn’t go to her alone.
My partner and I have been together 3 years. I have 3 children from a previous relationship. He’s amazing to them and treats them as his own, but I feel awful with the idea that the cost of raising them falls on him. It’s an issue we struggle with as he wants to pay for everything just as a dad would but I don’t want him to have to count pennies so to speak, as kids are expensive! I work part time and earn about $800 a week and he is full time on about $1500 a week. So he earns almost my double my wage but I insist on going halves in everything for the time being. Straight down the middle with everything household related. However, we will eventually have a baby together and when the time comes, I do expect that he will obviously have to take more costs on.
Everyone’s situation is different, but based on yours, I would expect that he should probably contribute a little more- you have more expenses than him and you don’t currently have the capacity to work as you’re home with his newborn baby.
But if I read it correctly- you get $800 per week and he earns $700 per week? Maybe he considers you to be the higher income earner and therefore doesn’t think he has to contribute more? Maybe all your money could go into the one account and you can all survive on $1500 per week together rather than separately?