I feel like asking this question is sort of a stupid idea but I can't turn to close friends without looking like an idiot..
I'm socially awkward, riddled with depression, anxiety and OCD, so making friends was always difficult for me. So i made friends with strangers online, because it was so much easier. 7 years ago I made friends with a guy from a different country and it stayed just friends, chatting and support for over 5 years. Then I realised i had developed feelings for the guy, but kept it to myself because there was an ocean between us. That was until he revealed his feelings for me and then it was just a crazy whirlwind 18 months of feelings and talking.. 6 months ago he came to Australia on a work visa and I spent the last 6 months falling head over heels for the man, all while keeping him a secret from my friends and family.. i didnt introduce him to my kids because i feel like i have to protect them, even if i was in love.
Before his work visa was up, we talked about having kids and marriage. Something I had given up ever having, a husband. I decided to jump in feet first, agreed to him having to return to his home country to organise the paperwork to come here on a spousal visa and sell his house and he was going to come back, meet my kids, friends, family and move in with me. He bought the engagement ring before he flew out last week and I wore it proudly.
Then my world crashed around me last night.. his info popped up on my skype and I jumped at it, ready to talk to the love of my life, only to be looking at the face of a woman calling me b**ch asking why i was talking to her HUSBAND!
The man I thought i knew for 7 years didnt exsist, in his place was a man who had been married for 17 years and had a child..
How do you get past this.. ? No closure, no one knows what pain I'm living in... how do you get over the feeling of complete stupidity for not knowing he lied for all those years?
I believed I was finally getting my happy ending, after years of heartbreak and sadness...
2 Replies
Be kind to yourself. Closure is something you give yourself, it’s giving yourself permission to let it go, that will come later.
At the moment you need to come through the shock and grieve.
Pain, sadness and anger are all very normal, natural, healthy feelings to have.
You did nothing wrong. This could have happened if you’d met a guy online from Australia oniline or even through friends. There is no guarantees, the only person who did anything wrong was him.
Don’t be ashamed, you did nothing wrong.
Reach out to family and my friends, you deserve support.
If they are good people, they will want to be there for you.
This happens to so many people, you aren’t alone.