Hi guys,
Didn't know where else to turn, I'm completely embarrassed and devastated by what I found on my husband's phone the other night.
We had previously searched a recipe on my husband's phone, and as my phone was on charge I just quickly grabbed his and went through to his search history to find it. Well fuck me, 13 years (married 10) 2 kids later, this man still manages to shock me.
For the past 6 months he was at times googling, escorts all within our local area?! Most times was when I would go up to my parents (4 hours away) as well as so frigging much porn it was crazy. Buy porn does not bother me. It's these escorts. So I thought I would snoop through his car, maybe find some sort of paper trail to verify. But instead of finding anything relevant, I found $2000 cash stashed away?!!! I'm assuming he has this, as his way of not leaving a paper trail and not getting caught out!
I confronted him and He has told me that, looking for escorts is like looking at porn, to which I replied, no porn is watching people have sex, escorts is looking for someone to have sex with. BIG DIFFERENCE!!! He has flat out denied sleeping with anyone. But I asked him whether, I should get a STD test and he first said no, then said well for your peace of mind if you want to. Wtf is that suppose to mean!!
We have a great sex life, ( Well i thought so) I don't know what to believe, I love our family and him more than anything in this world. He works long hours up to 14 a day, 6 days a week, but I'm not so sure, and am now questioning, whether he is actually at work for all that time? He handles the finances and I never hardly get to see what goes in the bank.
I just thought i knew him better than this 😢 he has lied to me in the past, regarding contact with ex's, but I thought we moved on from that. I guess what I'm trying to ask, is if anyone has had anything similar happen to them? Will I trust him again?
Sorry for the long vent ladies. But thank you in advance for any advice x
10 Replies
Wow, you poor thing.
All I can say is don’t start blaming yourself. Even if your sex life wad shit, searching for escorts and hiding cash and you not knowing your financial position are HUGE RED FLAGS.
I would not believe anything he says. Nobody carries around $2000 if they are in a legitimate business!
I would have taken the cash and hidden it and not say a word. Then watch him sweat and not able to say anything 😂
I think you could assume he did follow through with the escorts. It's up to you whether you want to end the relationship or work on it. For me the trust would be gone, I would feel very uncomfortable about leaving him alone again. But at the same time, as horrible as what he's done is, if you were going to work on it this would be probably the better one to work through as opposed to a full blown affair. He was just looking for sex, not love. A break will help you get your head around it all and help you understand if you want to try and get past it or finish up for good.
You're in denial, and shock - it's your whole family and future. But what you've found is enough to know, and I'm sure that's just the tip of it. I guess you can start thinking about what the line is for you.
Mate, I don't google the number for pizza unless I fully intend to buy a pizza. I don't just google the number because I feel like looking at pizzas. You get where I'm going with this yeah?
He's either already sleeping with sex workers or he very much plans on it in the near future.
I absolutely don't want to make excuses for him because what he's doing is an abhorrent betrayal of your trust and it'll probably shatter your family. But, is it possible he may have a sex addiction? I mean, if he has a healthy sex life with you, then add on such a significant amount of porn that one would assume he uses for sexual release and on top of that, easily blowing (or planning on blowing) 2k on the services sex workers!
It just seems quite extreme, even for cheating asshole standards.
Will you ever trust him again? Look, probably not. I would never trust him again and I'd be furious if my partner was hiding the finances from me and spending such large quantities without my knowledge, especially on things like this.
I would 100 percent go and get that STD check regardless!
The other possibility is he is selling drugs. Explains the cash and even explains ringing the escorts if he was looking to sell larger amounts in a smaller time frame.
Yep, I agree. He is up to something dodgy one way or another.
He’s dodgy as and I’m certainly not blaming you, but why don’t you know anything about the finances? I see this a lot on here, I just don’t know how women sleep at night not knowing anything about their financial position or future. This is how women end up in debt and bad credit ratings, it’s 2019, we aren’t Suzy homemakers, we are equals in a marriage.
Anyway, I’m so sorry about what you have found, you need to get to the bottom of it, it can’t go on as it is, as you are aware. Good luck, you deserve so much better.
My husband know NOTHING about our finances. You just trust.
It is hard to forgive you give yourself a line in the sand but even when they cross it sometimes you still stay in the relationship. I do not have the answers for you as my husband has way passed that line and I am still here but I just wanted you to know you are not alone and let yourself feel whatever you need to
You’ve totally busted him. He’s searched escorts multiple times, he has a huge amount of cash in the car and even with all this evidence he’s still Trying to deny it and justify it (we all know porn and escorts are NOT the same thing). I know this is a horrible shock and you don’t want to break up your family but the first thing you have to do is face the truth of what is going on. Your husband is cheating on you with escorts, putting your health at risk and has broken the trust in your relationship. Get some counselling immediately and make decisions from there but unless you are prepared to accept and be happy with being married to a liar and a cheater then I think you know the answer. So sorry you are going through this, but many people do and your self respect is what should guide you here.