This is going to be long, sorry.
I am married to the love of my life & we have two amazing children together, a 4yr old son & 3yr old daughter.
Many years ago, well before children my hubby & I found out his brother (S) was pinching womens/girls underwear & clothing from clothes lines, items were majority underwear but there were also school dresses & other items of clothing, the items ranged from very young girls 3-4 right through to adult women.
S had actually even be to court for this deviate behavior.
He also stole from his own cousin & had photos to mastibate over of another cousin.
S had been acting strange so hubby had a sneak through some of his things (we were all living together at the time) & found photos of the young girls who lived next door to him, once I knew about these photos I confronted his parents & told them to make him get help or I was going to the police. The girls would have been 6-8 years old & S was 24.
Long story short, everything was my fault, I was ripping their family apart blah, blah, blah.
They reassured us that S was getting help & this kind of thing would never happen again.
A few things to know about S just so you get a better understanding of the person he currently is 1: he is completely isolated, he has not one friend 2: he cannot hold a job for very long periods of time. 3: He is extremely immature, like speaking to maybe a 14 year old. 4: He constantly shakes, like creepy nervous shake. 5: he cannot hold a conversation with another adult 6: he literally cannot look you in the eye when speaking to you. 7: he has really bad mental health issues, depression/anxiety. 8: he is just 'off' in so many different ways & he really creeps out any new people who meet him.
Many of our friends completely refuse to be anywhere near him especially now they have children.
S has recently reconnected with a school friend, this girl has quickly become the complete reason S lives, he is utterly infatuated with her, she is not romantically involved with him in anyway but he is just obsessed with her, so many people have told him to leave her alone but he just cant, all of his previous relationships have been like this also.
My husband asked S a little while ago 'is she your girlfriend ' S replied 'yes' my husband than asked does she know she is your girlfriend, S replied no she doesn't'
Now I don't really care about what S is doing with who or anything like that, I actually like to stay as far away from his as possible but I had noticed that the last few times we had seen him he was taking a large amount of photos of my daughter (when ever we are anywhere near S I do not take my eyes off him, I have never allowed for him to be out of eyesight with my children & he know I cannot stand him nor do I trust him)
I spoke with my husband straight away & he said he would keep an eye on S.
We saw him again and after seeing him my hubby said he noticed him taking pics again of our daughter (none of our son)
Then in Oct it was our daughters bday, as soon as S got to our house his camera was in our girls face, my husband & I both noticed straight away, after a short time S followed my daughter outside & started with the pics again, my husband pulled him straight up & it all ended with my husband ripping shreds off gis brother, telling him to get the 'f' out of our house, how f'ing sick and messed up he is ect, S just sat & cried.
My MIL went to calm things down & asked S about the pics, his first response was that he has depression & the photos make him happy, tgen he quickly changed his story to sending them via Snapchat to this girl he is obsessed with to show her he would be a good father.
All of this was just to much for hubby & I and we sat down with his parents & explained very gently that we will no longer have S a part of our lives & especially not our kids, we explained that he needs extreme therapy as he is a very unwell man ect.
My MIL was not happy about this but my FIL seemed to understand.
Fast forward to yesterday & my in-laws tell hubby that they are siding with S, they know he is unwell but don't believe he is of any concern to young children, they have said if he can't be at birthdays/xmas then they wont be.
They are extremely concerned about his mental health and just need to support him.
My husband is absolutely shattered.
He feels his own parents don't care about the safety of their own grandchildren, they just make excuses & enable S.
Their reasons for the photos of the girls next door & of his own cousin was that he was just young & stupid & lots of boys do stupid things when they are young.
They have essentially said bad luck about your feelings to his and that his brothers are more important.
My inlaws have suggested a big mediation session but we just don't see how anything positive will come from this.
We just need some advice on what others would do in this situation.
Hubby is now feeling like an arse & feels like he is destroying his family.
22 Replies
Go to the police! NONE of this is right and it is a duty of care to help all of those innocent children!
You've done exactly the right thing. They've made their choice. they don't get to use their love to manipulate your husband. Send him to therapy to help him understand this is their choice so he can live with it better.
Mediation might actually be a positive step for your in laws an unbiased person is likely to absolutely see your side of this!
I’m creeped out just reading this!
Your hubby needs to get himself into coubselling to help him through this. He is doing the right thing.
His number one goal should be protecting his children and his brother needs significant psychiatric help.
Mediation could help, but that wouldn’t mean allowing your BIL around your children.
Your husband could still see his brother without the kids (if he wants to). And his parents could still have a relationship with all the family without having the son around the grandchildren.
Has your brother in law ever been medically diagnosed throughout his life?? Seems odd for a man of this age to get to adult age without any intervention. That kind of behaviour is odd whether from a teenager or an adult. Surely his parents see this.
I'd be going to the police or calling child protection. Even both.
Keep your kids away from them and only invite the grandparents to your home to control the environment.
Mediation may potentially help him and the parents to see that this is not OK... but personally he would not be in my child’s space in any capacity. Just the facts in this post alone is enough for me. I can’t tell you how many red flags I see here 😔 Too much at risk for your kids and this is 100% the right thing to do. I feel for your husband but this does not need to come between he and his parents unless they let it. If they do they do though. Stay strong and united on this. They are not thinking clearly enough to be blind to the risks 😔
Cut him off immediately, your children are at risk!! I would of cut him off when I found out he was stealing school dresses. Notify the police of the photos, you have a duty of care! The parents are enabling his behaviour
He is a Pedophile. I would never allow your children to be near him again. If he hasn't molested a child already, he will AS SOON AS he has access to a child..... don't let it be your child. Who knows what he is using the photos of your child for already! i would report anything reportable to police. 100%He has child porn on his computer..... check and report.
He would not have an adult love interest if he was a pedophile.
Yer right, what a stupid thing to say.!
Married men are pedophiles.!! Are you saying because someone has an adult love interest they can’t be. Most ridiculous thing I’ve heard.
He would not be infatuated with a woman if he were a pedophile. Fact. People get married to people all the time doesn't mean they are attracted to them. Plenty of gay people have married the opposite sex before.
He could still be a paedophile. How does this lady look? We don't know she could look like a 12yr old girl. Or he could want a child of his own to do...... Or it could be all a game to throw people off the trail. All happened before and unfortunately will again.
So many variables. All i know is my abuser had adult love interests and girlfriends and even a fiance at one point. He is still a paedophile.
This man is dangerous... Fact
Ok if you say so 🙄 every person I know who has been abused was by a married or partnered man. I think you need to get your facts right before posting crap like that.
Depending on the nature of the photos he has done nothing wrong but be a bit weird. The guy needs help. He is not a pedophile if he is infatuated with an adult, and all love interests have been adults (assuming the cousins were adults or similar age if he was a teen)
I would not think twice and I would cut them all off. Tell the parents they are welcome to
Visit but that’s it. I think you should ring crime stoppers and get them to search his house for photos with children. You don’t have to give your name, just go online and tell them what you have seen etc. he is a creep. I wouldn’t trust anyone like that near my kids. Please report him!!
I'm kind of in a similar situation. We found out my husband's brother was caught with a thousand images of child abuse material. We didn't find out though until I had a knock on the door from child protection! It was one of the most traumatic experiences of our lives. My mil and fil had been lying to us the whole time. Over a year!
He's on the sex offenders list.
So then we had to go through all the processes with child protection as he had had contact with our daughter. So many things have happened in between. Heaps more lies from the mil and the bil. We cut all ties with the bil, the mil continues to enable him and is in complete denial about him being a pedophile. I'm the horrible one because I chose to protect my daughter from him and her. She even went as low as telling my girl it's mummys fault why the bil cannot come around to our house anymore. She is no longer welcome in my house or my life. My husband does speak to her on the odd occasion and will take my daughter to see her at his nanas once in a blue moon.
I feel for you it's not easy.
The parents are enablers. Don’t be sorry for keeping your kids safe! Steer clear and maybe hubby should talk to someone who can help him through it. They need to understand your point of view. What a creep
He sounds like he is autistic and hasn't received any intervention throughout his life. He cannot be treated as and adult and definitely does not sound like a peadofile. He needs help and you should be ashamed of your self for being so cruel.
Ummmmmm actually your ignorance is what you should be ashamed of, what makes you think autistic people can’t be peadophiles.
Do a search in google and you’ll find plenty of information on the matter.
Sure he sounds like he could be autistic, but should his autism come before that little girls innocence. She is doing exactly what she should as a mother, protecting her daughter from someone who obviously has issues.
Do you know what it’s like to be sexually abused as a child? You are altered in ways you could never understand, emotionally scarred for life, something that never ever goes away.
So should this mother be ashamed, HELL NO, I salute her, she is doing her job perfectly 👌🏼👌🏼👌🏼
As a victim of sexual abuse by a family member as a child, I can tell you now that these creeps can find opportunities to get what they want eventually, the only way to protect your daughter is to get him out of your life.
Men like him are incredibly manipulative people and I’m sure he has talked circles around your in-laws, they honestly wouldn’t know which way is up, but with that being said, they also have made a choice, I’d be done. There is no grey area here.
Kudos to you, no relationship family or otherwise is worth even the slightest chance. I can tell you it never goes away for a victim, it changes them forever.
Sending you love and thank you for fighting for your daughter.