How do you build a marriage back up after it’s beginning to fall apart???
8 years together, 5 married, just not spark with anything anymore.
DH let me know how he felt tonight and it cut deep. He pretty much said he isn’t trying anymore (got too upset at this point).
Majority of it fallen apart is from me, I feel exhausted every night that I don’t want to be touched etc. I work full time and we have two kids.
***disclaimer: there is definitely no affairs etc happening.
4 Replies
When your spouse constantly rejects you it is gut wrenching and you do get to a point where you do give up, because it hurts so much. You can also lose your self esteem along the way. It changes who you are. If you don’t want to be touched by your partner, then your marriage will fail, people can only take so much. I would look into why you feel that way.
As a couple you need to examine your entire relationship dynamic.
For starters you say you are exhausted as you work full time and raise two kids, is your husband engaged in housework and raising the children as much as you are, or is it all on your shoulders. Sometimes when the work/Childcare/housework/mental load gets shared more fairly we have more energy and time for loving our partners.
I had a similar conversation with my husband about 2 months ago, except I am your husband.
My husband went to the GP to make sure there were no other underlying issues that could cause a lack of sex drive. Could your exhaustion be due to low iron, anxiety, etc..
It is so important that you are talking about It and how it is both making you feel. Being completely honest is hard and I have asked my husband some really tough questions as to why he had no desire to be with me. He was so honest and as much as it hurt I appreciated that.
It is really important that your husband is also your partner in all aspects of your relationship to help things get back on track, eg running the house and contributing to housework and tending to the children. Otherwise, you can become resentful and then not want to be touched.
If you feel that both of you are discussing these things and nothing is changing then counselling would be the next step to help with your communication. My husband and I, so far, have not needed counselling but it will definitely be the next step for us if things are not progressing.
For me, I just need to see my husband is trying. My expectations are quite low which I think is taking the pressure off him too. He is also initiating more physical contact between us, cuddles and holding hands, which is nice for me and us, as this had stopped on his side also.
I hope, for both of you, that you can get your spark back
I understand how tiring it is to be a mum, we all do. And believe me, I understand not wanting to be touched after a day with the kids or whatever. You get into bed and just want to fall asleep! Could you maybe try jumping in the shower with him before bed? Might bring that emotional intimacy back. I jump in the shower most nights with my other half, that’s when we do a lot of our talking! Sometimes it gets cheeky, sometimes not. But it helps keep our little spark alive.