A weird one but I need help please.
My children go to Victoria to visit their father over school holidays. I have recently found out that they are babysat for majority of that time by a 17yo boy who is the brother of a “friend” of my exes. I say “friend” because he has only been back in vic for less than two years and I know he didn’t know these people before. I have told him I am uncomfortable and the kids need to go to an approved vacation care or child care. Not some 17yo kid. So I have 2 questions.
1. Would you be comfortable with this (kids are 8 and 5
2. Can my children attend vacation care in a state they do not attend school?
School holidays at dads
Monday, 28 October 2019 - 20:01
School holidays at dads
Posted in:
Kids
21 Replies
Yes I would be uncomfortable. A (trusted, reference checked) 17 year old is fine for occasional babysitting for a few hours ( to be honest I still wouldnt like it at all) but it is not okay for more than that anyway. I would be concerned because the risk of sexual assault majorly increased for children of divorced parents and this is why, new partners and shady care, more people have private access to them. I would definitely go through a centre and I would even pay for it if that's what it took.
Exactly what I thought. All these ppl saying it’s fine 🤦♀️ Sexual assault is all too common and wrecks lives. Plus, a 17 yo can’t get a police check.
I would be so uncomfortable with this!
I used to baby sit at this age and I was perfectly safe and the kids were perfectly safe. But that was a Saturday or Friday night and the kids were mostly asleep.
That’s very different to having kids 5days a week from 8am to 6pm.
I got a job as a nanny at 18. Many of my sons current disability support workers are 18 and 19 and they are awesome.
So a lot depends on how long for, when, and how much do your trust your ex?
I'm a part time disability support worker too , and there are 18yo support workers in my field as well, but the difference is , they are fully trained. I would be extremely worried leaving my young kids for long periods of time with an unqualified 17yo male. He probably doesn't even have his first aid certificate or working with children check. And she has every right to put a stop to this if she isn't satisfied of the 17yo's competence without evidence . I'd expect the father would also do the same in reverse if it was her leaving kids that young for long periods of time with an unqualified 17yo male kid .
It depends, 2 years is a long time if he met them when he first moved and has spent a lot of time with them, some teenagers are very responsible at that age, some aren’t, I was babysitting at 13 and got into the childcare industry at 17, your children are 5 and 8 years not months old. I don’t think it would bother me especially since it seems this arrangement has worked in the past. Also yes, children can be enrolled in an osch if they don’t attend that school, as not all schools offer osch.
I'd trust a random teenager over some of my family members so 😂🤷♀️
In all seriousness, I'm in two minds.
In one hand, I trust my children's father's judgment. If he was comfortable with it, I'd be confident that it was a suitable arrangement but he's also extremely over protective so if he trusted them then that would speak volumes to me.
On the other hand, teenagers aren't always well equipped to deal with unforeseeable situations or emergencies, nor are they always going to make great decisions. For example: I was about 16 or 17 when I babysat my boyfriend at the time's little siblings, they would've been about 6 and 8. They convinced me they were allowed to watch The Devils Rejects (horror movie), their parents were pretty chill so I thought they were telling the truth - they were not lol.
I actually do think they probably should be in the care of a qualified person/service or at least someone more mature or known to the family if it's sort of an all day thing.
You'll probably find that local kids will be given preference for vacation care though. The spaces for such programs are really limited where I am, to the point you need to book 3 to 4 months in advance to secure the days you need so maybe a compromise may be needed in that regard.
Yes I would be uncomfortable! I think it's more them being with a boy - but I guess that depends on whether your kids are boys or girls. Could just be me! It can be difficult to get the kids into vacation care especially if your ex doesn't have the kids regularly though!
He is their farther, they are in his care. While in his care he is making decisions for them that he feels comfortable with. If you trust him enough to send your kids out of the state to spend time with him then he is obviously competent enough to organise a baby sitter.
I 'babysat' kids this age every school holidays through senior high-school. It was a job I interviewed for (doctor parents that couldn't get holidays). The kids were safe, fed and highly entertained. I think, unless you don't trust their dad to choose someone he thinks is safe, there isn't an issue. Is their dad not interested in their welfare or oblivious to risks? He's been back there a couple of years and if this person is someone he knows, he hasn't left them with a stranger.
I would not want a 17 year old boy looking after my 8 year old daughter or my son. Why are they going to him if he’s not even having them? Stop sending them if you can.
Yes! Please stop your children from doing their father during the only time it is possible due to distance, purely because he has to work!
Seeing*
Why can’t he get holidays or at least organise to have time off when he has the kids?? If the dude has them during the day and they sleep most of the night which kids their age usually do how much time is he actually spending with them. One week off every school holidays is equal to 3 weeks out of 4 weeks annual leave in which he would get quality time with his kids especially if he was a full time employee and it’s not like he wouldn’t have advanced warning the kids are coming. The few hours he probably gets between bed and leaving for work in the am are not quality time. My ex won’t even attempt to make time for his kids during school holidays let alone have them for a week. He’d leave them with his junkie mates and his horrendous grand mother that thinks she can beat the Autism out of our child with a bit of bamboo. I’m not saying dad can’t have them. But he shouldn’t be leaving them and going to work the whole time they’re there. But you know just a few hours a day is “quality time” to some people.
You're making a lot of assumptions about this guy's situation.
1. He may be causal or part time.
2. He may not do typical 9 to 5 hours.
3. He may not be able to get approved for annual leave during school holidays, do you know how many parents I know (my partner and myself included) who have had their annual leave requests knocked back because it was in the school holidays which are the busiest times in many industries?
Countless...
This is a cross many parents have to bear - married, separated, single or otherwise. It can't always be helped! Sometimes you just have to make the best of a shitty situation which it sounds like he's trying to do.
I agree, the babysitting arrangement may need to be reassessed but absolutely nothing stands out to me that this man should no longer get visists from his kids.
He's their father. He has a job to attend while they're in his care. The mum probably has a job to attend while the kids are in her care too. Should the children be in a Foster home unless their parents are are on annual leave? Sheesh. Just because it is school holidays doesn't mean that parents automatically get granted leave. Most employers give 4 weeks per year and will share leave over peak periods amongst staff, so maybe 1 or 2 weeks a year will be approved for school holidays. Hardly fair to restrict one parent's access based on that. It would be cruel to the parent and the children.
I assume he's leaving the kids with a baby sitter because he has to work - surely any parent can appreciate the difficulty of juggling that, affording and finding available temporary childcare etc. I would absolutely not withhold access to his children as someone else suggested, that's completely unfair!
It really does sound like he's just trying his best!
Would you have an issue if this was a 17 year old girl? Quite a few people here seem to be under the illusion that kids are less safe with a male teenage babysitter, emphasis on the 'male'. Because female babysitters never harm children, right????
Who knows, maybe he's really mature and needs the money? Maybe the kids have a great deal of fun in his care?
Surely dad isn't too far away should something urgent happen?
He has known them for 2 years, not 2 weeks...
I'd be happy for dad to make whatever arrangements he saw fit, if I trusted him enough to send my kids interstate to see him, I'd trust him enough to sort out babysitters etc. If my kids weren't uncomfortable and they were anxious or nervous about it and expressing 'red flags' then yeah I'd be concerned but if they were happy and enjoying themselves and not mentioning anything eyebrow raising, I'd be cool.
I never acted or expressed any red flags but doesn’t mean it is not happening and then no questions are asked and it is ongoing.
I think she’s just a concerned mumma bear wanting to protect her cubs but not being there she can’t evaluate the situation so it’s always a what if worry.
One one hand he could be responsible and fun and trustworthy and that would be awesome.
But
On the other hand, like my experience, a 10 year older family member male babysitting me was easy pickings for sexual abuse.
Ask the right questions.
I wouldn’t send them if it was me. That’s just me. I don’t even let my kids have sleep overs anywhere else. I wouldn’t let a 17 year old boy look after my kids, even if I knew him or not. In fact I don’t let anyone else look after my kids except my mother. I don’t trust anyone with my kids. That is me and that is how I will protect my kids.
Only send them to him when he has holidays booked in else they don’t go. No way, id let a 17 year old look after my young kids. You need to question yours kids also and teach them every single thing about speaking up if anyone does anything to them. I’m not saying this boy is but if they are with someone they don’t know, the kids need to be told. I wouldn’t send my kids. They are there to spend time with their dad anyway not a stranger.