After going through a lot of counselling for what I am going through, the counsellor has started being very blunt with me. This is domestic abuse. This is emotional and psychological abuse. This is gaslighting.
I can see that now. But how do I accept it? How do I let it go? How do I move on?
I've been living in a dream where I thought he would change, I thought I could make him better. I saw a glimmer of the person he could be. I love him and he is the father of my child. How do I let all of that go?
Gaslighting partner
Gaslighting partner
Posted in:
Relationships & Marriage
5 Replies
You let it go. It’s not about you. It’s who he is. You can’t change it so you start planning your future. One day at a time one step at a time.
You accept that your mental health is is not worth this relationship, and that you will never feel good about yourself why you are in this relationship.
A healthy relationship won’t make you feel this way. You also have to understand that you CAN NOT change another adults behaviour, or who they are. You can only change you and what you do.
Oh one day you'll hate it all. But do you want to wait until you're completely broken. You're already in counselling. Time for some reality. Learn more. He won't change. Your standards are incredibly low by now. If you raised them, he wouldn't pass, time after time after time. He won't ever change. The glimmer of the man he could be doesn't exist. Its an act, an effort, a fraction of him. That he can only maintain in glimmers. What he has shown you is what he is.
By reminding yourself that if he cared about you he wouldn’t do these things and you deserve better. You don’t love him, you love the ideal of him as a different person. HE IS AN ABUSER who doesn’t love or deserve you. Just keep saying that to yourself and go out and find your self worth and your better future xox
I was in a similar boat. Best advice I got from my psychologist was on an A 4 piece of paper draw a vertical line down the middle with 2 headings pros/positives and cons/ negatives. When I did this I could see the full picture. In domestic violence and abuse ussually the victim has something called cognitive dissonance, look it up, it's the way we cope with it, also the reason we keep going back to that person or can't leave. You e made the first step, keep going to councilling and slowly step by step you will grow and change and when you are ready you will take appropriate action. The other thing my therapist said was " We learn when we are ready to learn" sounds like you are ready, good luck and keep moving forward.