I'm just wondering how many times do you continue to try to work through and fix things in a relationship for yourselves and when there are children involved? We have a 2 yo and 4 yo and then I have a step daughter who lives with us. A seperation would significantly impact everyone and im just not sure if I continue to keep fighting to avoid the difficulty. I am the only income earner and pay for everything for our children including sending the step daughter to private school. We receive zero help or contact from her mother. I worry so much on if we did seperate how this would impact her and feel terrible so always think against the idea.
Our relationship has seen a lot of ups and downs, he has been addicted to drugs, prescription drugs, alcohol, sex (cheating) and for the last year has made a solid effort to work through these until the last four weeks or so. He is great with the kids (stay at home dad for 4 years) however recently he is angry with me for not listening to him, talking to him disrespectfully and not showing that I care about him. He has an extremely short fuse lately and goes mental at the kids and I. He has never been a physical threat but the last couple of days has gotten up in my face where I can feel the spit off his breath. Its just pushing me to really keep wondering ok what do I do in this situation because if I walk out he would right me off in an instant.
7 Replies
You deserve better and so do your kids. If you split he is going to have to get a job to support his children. As for your step daughter you can still help her financially if that is what you are worried about. But your children will adapt and learn and so will you.
Personally I would have left at the drug use, but this bloke has so much baggage to unpack and he seems to want to drag you all down.
If your child came to you with this exact scenario, what would you say,? I think you know what you need to do, it's just pulling the plug that's the hardest. Good luck lovely, I wish you a brighter future
You try once. If you can't get it together on best effort then move on. It might take a year of work and effort to get there. But if nothing's changing or the real unacceptable parts still occurring (going mental at you is completely unacceptable) then you need to call it, no point dragging it out too long.
Well are you “ not listening to him, talking to him disrespectfully and not showing that I care about him.“?
Get out of the house with him. Sit down and have a chat. Ask him to talk to you. And listen. If it still seems irrational then maybe suggest you visit the GP together. If things have been going ok and they suddenly aren’t maybe he’s struggling?
Relationships are never perfect and you’ve certainly seen your share of hard shit but if things have been going well for a year and this a recent change maybe something has happened.
The way i see it:
Leaving will impact everyone, separation always does.
Staying will also significantly impact everyone but that impact will probably have long term effects.
We are our kid's first role models in terms of relationships, if they grow up with dysfunctional as their normal, staying for the kids as their normal - that cycle will perpetuate when they head into adulthood.
Personally, you've already tolerated far more than i would have so i think I'd be out. My threshold of what I'd be willing to work through would be long gone...
I'd probably start thinking about the logistics and getting yourself a support system in place.
Are you willing to continue supporting your step daughter financially?
Do you want to maintain a relationship with her?
What sort of custody arrangements would you need/want?
Who would be leaving the family home?
Do they have somewhere to go?
I feel like by staying in these situations we are psychologically harming ourselves and our children. It’s time to go.
Once he cheated - Bye Felicia! Once he did illegal drugs that threatened our livelihood- Bye Felicia.
You have little eyes watching you. Is this the sought of thing you want your children to accept in life?
Hell NO girl!
Ups and downs in a relationship are not what you have described, what you have described is toxic and dysfunctional. Why hitch your wagon to a guy with so many issues, it was never going to end well. You have to leave him, your kids can’t grow up thinking this is all normal.